Music Lover Monday-Taking you back to my meloncholy side

This song brings out the meloncholy in it's finest form in me. My heart aches and I find myself searching frantically for why this song makes me ache. I can close my eyes now, listening to his voice, the lyrics, and I can just feel myself lying on my full-sized bed in the dark, with the blinds open to the stars and streetlight outside, staring out at nothing but the water puddle at the end of my parents' driveway, waiting.....but on what? For what? Why?
I tell you, pure meloncholy.

She looks like the real thing

She tastes like the real thing

My fake plastic love.

But I can't help the feeling

I could blow through the ceiling

If I just turn and run.

And it wears me out, it wears me out.

It wears me out, it wears me out.

And if I could be who you wanted

If I could be who you wanted

All the time, all the time.

Music Lover Monday-Meloncholy Rules

If you had any idea how difficult it is for me to listen to some songs....

The love we had was brief. But real.
 Full.
 Aching.
Teasing.
 So perfect that words don't do it justice.
But we were young and so fucked up, in our own ways... it just didn't work.
He was jealous because I liked the attention from other boys.
I was selfish.
I let him go.
It was the worst thing I could have done at that time.
He overdosed.
This is just one of the songs written on his arms, under his shirt-sleeves, for me.

It's you that I adore

You'll always be my whore

You'll be the mother to my child

And a child to my heart

We must never be apart

We must never be apart

Lovely girl you're the beauty in my world

Without you there aren't reasons left to find

 

And then, if that weren't enough, these words, down his left arm, where the final words were smudged from my tears, right at his wrist:

I'll sing for you

If you want me to

I'll give to you

And it's a chance I'll have to take

And it's a chance I'll have to break

I go along

Just because I'm lazy

I go along to be with you

And those moonsongs

That you sing your babies

Will be the songs to see you through

I'll hear your song

If you want me to

I'll sing along

And it's a chance I'll have to take

And it's a chance I'll have to break

I'm in love with you

I'm in love with you

I'm in love with you

I know it seems a bit juvenile, melodramatic, silly & TV-drama stupid. I haven't written the story here yet. I haven't shared with many others, the mess of pain mixed with intense love with a fucked up 14 year old who stole my heart when I was 17.
There are scabs that have healed into pale scars here, there, but sometimes-- something picks at them and brings it all just below the surface again.
There are songs I wish I would never hear again. These are two of them.

WTFH?*

I may have driven about 200 miles on Wednesday. I had to drive to a vendor's office to pick up some paperwork, drive 40 miles further to a courthouse to release a lien, and then drive to a contractor's office that was approximately 5 minutes from the vendor's office. So annoying.
Then to lunch w/ my sister, who decided we were going to speed date. She asked random questions, told me I was "interesting", and asked me out on a second date. Then we sang the theme song to Phineas & Ferb. I don't know.

She was killing me softly. Until she started talking to two men about 8 feet away from us. They didn't even know she was talking to them, but she totally was.

She was telling them about our mom, trying to hook them up w/ her. I was cracking up, and not quietly, so we had.to.go.right.fucking.now before I embarrassed myself.

Then we drove around to complete 7000 more errands. Then! When I was already so very done w/ driving, I had to drive back to the store to pick up something I had forgotten for my Thanksgiving cooking catastrophe (my mom put a cookie sheet in the oven, and it turned blue. No, really. Like, it was so hot it melted the potholder & my husband had to throw it out in the yard. Why? I don't know. Seemed logical at the time.)
Then! After I was really done w/ all the driving around, I had to drive to two separate Redboxs to pick up Four Christmases (freaking hilarious) and My Sister's Keeper (haven't watched it yet, but the book was fanfuckingtastic, so I'm hopeful). The 2nd Redbox was at a Walmart about 5 minutes from my house. I dragged my sister w/ me.
As soon as we walked in, people started looking at us. I asked her if I had something on my face, and she kept touching her hair. We tried to ignore it at first, but it was just creepy. I'm not talking random turn-of-the-head looks, I'm talking full-on full body turn & creepy mean stares. A teen kept following us, giving my sister looks. He would duck behind shelves and clothing racks if we turned to look at him. Creeeeepy.
And then we went to the beer aisle and there was this lone guy standing in front of the beer cooler, just staring. Like 2 feet from it. No basket, no beer in hand, no nothing. Just standing there and staring. And of course, I needed the beer he was standing in front of. He didn't even move when I said excuse me and grabbed a case in front of him. My arm actually brushed up against his and he didn't move an inch.
Then there was the drunk fucker growling at his kid in the cracker aisle (no pun intended). Bloodshot eyes, slurring his words, onery. Then there were the seemingly street bums, complete w/ long beards, dirty clothes and mismatched boots. I was so confused.
Then came the girl who may or may not have been a stripper. She was wearing little black shorts (as teeny as boyshorts undies), black kneehigh boots, and a little black top. Spikey hair, tatoos. She was actually rather attractive, but WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING IN WALMART DRESSED LIKE THAT??
The turning to stare at us continued, so we high-tailed it out of there. We actually ran to the car. It was just odd.
My sister is still saying she feels violated.
And the cookie sheet is still lying in the grass. Blue.


*WTFH: What the fresh hell. Yeah, that's my lame attempt at not cussing so much. I caught my kid telling the dog to shut the hell up yesterday. And then I heard her tell her doll she was sick of her shit. Yeah, I know she doesn't read my blog, but I'm trying, okay???

Gobble gobble

Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. I am so very thankful for the blogging community. I am so thankful for the wonderful friendships I have formed from this silly blog full of my silly thoughts. I am so thankful for the laughs, the tears, the hugs, the absolute silliness, the advice, the ability to bitch about random things and get support, the wonderful ideas I get from reading all of your blogs.....Thank you, everyone!
****
In unrelated news, I would have to say massaging butter onto a raw turkey is probably one of the most disgusting things I have to do as an adult. I would much rather clean baby shit or dog puke (or baby puke or dog shit?). But the upside to all this nasty massaging & basting is a kick-ass turkey (I hope). I'll let you know.
Sorta related, we used the bottom oven last night for the first time, and it smoked for a good 30 minutes. Blech.
Also? I brined my turkey in an ice chest. Does that make me white trash? 

Music Lover Monday (Don't ask me how I am even doing this)

So this past weekend was full of many things:  Boxes, rain, tufts of dog hair floating on the wood floors of my empty house, a broken fridge, family, petting my sister's silky-soft hair, staying up all night long, dropping a cutting board on my foot, breaking a favorite wine glass, yelling at AT&T, kissing my husband's sweet face, watching my old lady dog grow weaker by the day, feeling blessed in this life, thoughts and fervert prayers for a woman I do not know (but hope to one day), prayers for future projects for my husband, a new big-girl bed for my sweet girl, a sneakered foot stepping in the dogs' water bowl, Starbucks & cinnamon toast, clean sheets, chapped lips, and music.
I have always listened to music while doing things-writing, reading, studying, going to sleep, pulling weeds, whatever it is. I got this from my father, I am sure. He is who taught me the words to all Billy Joel, The Eagles, and ELO songs as a toddler.
My sister and I played music on my compter all weekend while unpacking and organizing this new house that I already love. She made fun of my choice of the Coffeehouse channel. Then she introduced me to this song:

'She is Love' by Parachute

Then we started singing this song again:

Specifically, we were singing the 'La la la la' part, followed by the annoying squawk that sounds vaguely like Mariah. Don't ask me how we even started singing it.

Then we moved on to this:

This song caused all sorts of random ass-shaking in my kitchen, followed by a fit of giggles, and then an Internet search for the scene in The Proposal where Sandra Bullock performs the song.
At some point my husband belted out old Prince lyrics, or maybe it was 2 Live Crew?

Most of my house is unpacked. Some of it is put away in a place that makes logical sense. Some of it is so random, like the pillow in the laundry room, the Easter basket on the kitchen counter, and the lamp in the middle of the entryway floor. The fridge was a clusterfuck of rust and maggots. No, really. Apparently the compressor burst inside of it, and somehow it got moldy? Or some such shit? I don't know. I am sick of our bad luck with fridges, and I definitely DO NOT want my fridge back at the house we just sold. But this one? Gah. We left it on the driveway in the rain last night after spraying it down w/ Lysol. Then today my father and father-in-law scrubbed the hell out of it. My hubby decided to soak them in our bathtub, and he used far too much Lysol concentrate. He then proceeded to turn on the 'turbo bubbles'? And leave the bathroom. Yeah, I can't tell you how fast a full bathtub fills up with Lysol bubbles, but I can tell you that dead maggots float on top of bubbles. I don't know. I wish I was lying.
There are broken down boxes EVERYWHERE. We have no phone, no cable/satellite, but we do have a wireless card, thank you sweet mary.
I have a paper due today. Can you guess when I wrote it?
I am a hot mess, people. And?
Thanksgiving is at my house again this year.

Girl Talk Thursday

                                                        

Which actors/actresses do I love even though they aren't considered hot? Oh, this is too easy for me.

1. Tobey Maguire

2. Vanessa Ferlito (Death Proof; Nothing like the Holidays)

I'm pretty sure there are others, but I just can't think of them. It might have something to do with the research papers and the moving?

Girl Talk Thursday-My Fictional Five

So this week's Girl Talk Thursday topic is the five fictional characters I have the hots for, or would lick, or would do, or would drool over. Ooo, the decisions I am forced to make on a daily basis!
While thinking about this, I came to realize that I love these actors/actresses as well, so now I'm not sure if I love them because of the characters they play, or if I really love *them*. Hmmm. Ah, well, they are all lovely no matter what.

1. Pacey Witter from Dawson's Creek

 He was sarcastic, witty, and hot. Pacey was a character that I really wanted to win-get the girl, get the job, succeed, ya know? He thought so low of himself, and he seemed to be out there on his own a lot. He needed to be 'saved' in some way. He made me swoon and I was rooting for him the entire time. He was romantic and sweet and incredibly sensitive. I so wanted to be Joey Potter.

2. Jim Halpert from The Office

He's witty, sweet, and I love when he raises his eyebrows at the camera. The fact that he wanted so badly to be with Pam killed me, and I may have cried when they finally started dating.

3. Tim Riggins, Friday Night Lights

 

Tim Riggins is a hot mess. Can I just emphasize HOT??? He comes from a shitty family and lives with his semi-loser brother. He isn't interested in school, doesn't give himself enough credit, and looks perfect in football pants. He's another of those characters that needs saving, that you want to get the girl he loves (he does), that you really want to succeed. And really want to get in his pants. Wait-did I just type that? Bwahahaha-I did. *SWOON*

4. Addison Montgomery, Private Practice

I love this woman. I have such a girl crush on her. She's gorgeous, funny, smart, successful, sexy, self-deprecating, and sensitive. Also? I have a thing for redheads. I have no idea why.

5. McDreamy & McSteamy from Grey's Anatomy

There is no way in ever-lovin' hell I could choose between these boys if I was Addison (lucky girl-she got to be w/ both men). I mean, on one hand you have McDreamy: handsome, loving, smart, caring, RAWR. McSteamy: F-ING HOT, smart, handsome, arrogant. Of course, if you are watching this season, we are starting to see his sweet & sensitive side. But before, he was such a fucking player/hound/dirtbag, but such lovely eye candy. What's funny is his personality is sooo not my type. I don't go for the arrogant assholes who know everyone is swooning over them. I would swoon in private because I am just too prideful to be that girl, ya know?

And yes, I realize today is FRIDAY, and this was supposed to go up on Thursday. Don't start with me.