Bullshit

I dreamt of you-
You turned your back on me.
I pulled you through (all the darkness in your mind)-
You pretended not to see.


I let you peel away all my layers-
Watched you pick at the tender skin at my wrists and around my collarbone;
I let you outshine me in every way-
Yet you left me bleeding, exposed, alone.


You tortured me with goodbye
    and maybe
       and now
           and never
               and "I don't know".


I stood with my head held high
(you taught me to stand up for what I believed in)
As you simply
            and calmly
Laid a battered life full of broken bullshit lies
           in my outstretched hands....
                                                        and walked away.


Sleepless nights, tear-stained sheets-
I spent too much time tossing and turning
      and re-playing and re-writing and re-reading
12 years....
No matter the scene, it all ended the same.


Now-
I no longer hear your voice, 
Or my tears
Or misdirected thoughts leading me down your path.
I am free of pain,
having secretly laid it all at your doorstep, 
     as you sleep in your bed of bullshit lies,
            with her in your weak arms.