No really, the award goes to M.E.

So, we all have bad parent experiences. We all yell, scream, & spit fire (and disappoint ourselves in doing so), at our kids sometimes. We get impatient, raise our voices, and then feel guilty afterwards. Really guilty. Sometimes really really guilty.

But this beats out all of those other guilty experiences, and seriously, the Mother of the Year award goes to ME.

So, my girl loves bouncie houses. We rented one for her 2nd birthday. Then my mom got a trampoline this fall. We love it. Every time we go to my mom's house, my sister and I go jump for a few minutes. We drag my mom out there, and even got my brother out there, and we bounce the hell out of each other. My lab, Kooter, has even gone on it, and we are especially delighted when my sister's little rat dog gets on, because we try to bounce him into the neighbor's backyard.

Grace loves it. She calls it a bouncie house. She can't much say trampoline, but she tries. Anyway, we are much more gentle when she is on, and we make her sit down if we are going to bounce her, and I assure you that we have never tried to bounce her into the neighbor's yard. She likes to run in circles along the outer edge (it is enclosed), and likes to bounce onto her bottom. I like to laugh at her hair getting all static-y.

Yesterday she was on the trampoline with my sister. I was busy cleaning up the remnants of my dogs' healthy appetites, so I never had a chance to jump. All is well (other than the smell of the crap I'm cleaning up!!) but then she is screaming crying. They were playing 'Ring around the Rosie' and when they 'all fell down', she must have fallen on her foot wrong, or twisted her ankle wrong, or what the hell happened?????

She couldn't put any weight on her left foot. She cried, and cried. And cried. We wiggled her toes, tried to put some ice on her ankle, and gave her some Tylenol. This morning, her ankle was swollen and hot. She couldn't put weight on it. Even with the gentle coaxing of her Daddy saying 'If you walk to me, I'll take you to the park.' Off to the CareNow clinic, and 4 hours later, we get an x-ray. Ever had to deal with a 2 year old in severe pain, and ever had to make that screaming 2 year old sit still?

The ankle is broken. BROKEN!

My baby girl has a broken ankle! It is called a type 2 Salter-Harris fracture, right above the growth plate on her tibia. Ack. After holding her down for the x-ray, we had to hold her down long enough to get a temporary cast. Now we get to go to a pediatric orthopedic specialist tomorrow. No, REALLY. I did some research, and with this type of fracture, most kids just need a cast for about 6 weeks. But there are some fractures bad enough that require surgery. SURGERY! Have I mentioned the fact that I do not have health insurance???? Fuck. Me.

She's so miserable. She's in pain, she's uncomfortable with this 5 lb. temporary cast attached to her body, and to top it off, she's got an ear infection. And a cough. And a slight fever.

I can't believe she had a broken ankle last night and I just put her to bed! I know I had no way of knowing, but jeez.

I totally deserve the Mother of the Year award. The guilt is eating at my gut. My poor girl.....


Thoughtfulness gets me every time!

It's been a hectic week, so yet again, my blogging has fallen by the wayside. Anyway, here I am now, so...

I turn 30 tomorrow. Like, 3.0. wow. I don't feel old, other than the fact that my body is not really my best friend anymore. I still feel 17, really. And, just sometimes, yes, I do still feel smokin'-hot. But not so much.
So, last night I got the most awesome birthday present! My husband really thought outside the box, and really put some thought into this one. And, for me, it's the thoughtful-ness of a gift that means something to me. Give me a store-bought card, and I won't complain. It's the small things in life that mean something, right? But, put some major thought into giving me something that will make my heart melt...well, that's a whole 'nother story!!
My husband bought me a telescope! I have one of my very own, currently in my bedroom, facing the east! I was soooo excited, and in shock! And he gave it to me last night, early, so that I could see the full lunar eclipse. And do you know what? I never would have bought one for myself, or probably even asked for one, but it is sooooo me!
And the fact that he took the time to think about things I like, and buy me something I would totally love, is just wonderful to me.
So he set it up in the backyard for me, showed me how to use it, and zeroed in on the moon. It was beautiful! And then, the coolest part, was Saturn!! I could see the rings!
Now I have to come up with some cool outside-the-box gift for him.

Today I went on a tiny shopping spree. I bought 2 dresses, 1 pair of dress pants with a matching shirt, and 2 other shirts. I really reined myself in, because I totally wanted this cute suit, and two other dresses that looked stunning on me, if I do say so myself! I wanted to get some matching jewelry, but I had to get back to work! Maybe tomorrow I will hum 'Happy Birthday' to myself and go back for jewelry...or shoes....or the other clothes I wanted. What the hell, right??
You only turn 30 once!!!!


Hi, my name is Danielle-remember me?

Geez, I have been so tired this week! I haven't wanted to blog, read, watch TV, or shower. Yes, I know that last one is a bit gross, and my brother reminds me every time I talk to him that it is so very unsanitary to bathe only twice a week. But really, who has the time? Oh, between the dishes, the laundry, cooking dinner, not washing the pan that I fried shrimp in for 2 weeks, the laundry getting wrinkly in the dryer.....who has the time to shower?? My bro swears he can smell me all the way from San Marcos. Ha, whatever, it's probably your own bathroom-I've seen your roommates, bro!
This is how sad I am: I took the sheets off the bed, but didn't put any back on. A week ago. Yeah, bed bugs, pillow mites, dust bunnies...I got 'em all.
(Oh gross, I just got the goosebumps typing that. Ugh, ugh, ugh!)

My Tivo is working overtime, recording 74 episodes of Snapped, holding onto some snazzy independent films from November, and in the middle of the night, I hear it screaming 'FOR CRIPES SAKE, JUST WATCH ONE EPISODE OF SOMETHING!!!' But I am just too sleepy.

I have no real excuse for this lack of energy. My job is in the negative as far as the stress goes. My hours are good. My daughter drains me with her 2-year-old-ness, but it hasn't been worse this week. My hubby is sweet & funny & 'there' lately.

So why the sleepiness?

In all honesty, it's because I bumped my medication dosage back up Monday night. Thank God. Not a moment too late. But the downfall is this sleepy-please-just-let-me-sleep-5-more-minutes

I guess I could lie and say that I am saving up my energy for all the 'partying' I am going to do next Thursday and Friday to celebrate my frickin' 30th birthday.

Yeah, that's it.


Some things I'll never forget

There are things in my life, so far, that I know I'll never forget. I have the memory of an elephant (how exactly do we know they have awesome memories, and why??) and some of it is just such a waste of brain space. Other things, well, they are just priceless. I will spare you the details of stupid songs I know the words of, or how I remember all of the states, or why I know how to get candle wax out of carpet. But here are some of the more unforgettable things I remember:

~My 2nd Christmas-I woke up early to the sound of a baby crying. A baby doll, that is. I remember walking into the living room of our apartment, and seeing a small bright pink and yellow doll stroller. Inside, was a baby doll that cried and said 'Mama'. I remember the tree being lit up, and I remember the glow it gave off in the darkened living room.

~Playing the card game 'War' with my great grandmother, 'Grandma Les'. She was wonderful. She let me win, but not without a fight. I don't remember her face as clearly as I used to, but I remember her smile. She was a beauty.

~Going to Disney with my grandmother when I was 12. She rode a roller coaster with me, one that was in a darkened warehouse-type place. And she screamed pretty much the whole time. Well, this scream-giggle combination. The images are blurry on that roller coaster, because I had to hold my stupid glasses so they wouldn't fall off.

~My grandmother's hands. Her knuckles. How they were snarled and smooth at the same time.

~Sitting in front of my father's stereo with him, at age 3 or 4, listening to Billy Joel, ELO, The Eagles, The Doors, and Elton John, to name a few. I know just about any song by all of the above, and sooo much more, and I learned them all from him. We would sing at the top of our lungs, sitting on the floor. Yes, I knew the words to dozens of songs by the age of 3.

~I've blogged about this before, but: when my foster brother left to go to his adoptive home. The sound of him saying 'Mommy', over and over.

~That sound was repeated in another situation, from my real brother, at age 7, after my mother and father divorced.

~Hiding under the covers in my parents' bed while my father got ready for work in the mornings, at age 3.

~The smell of my father's aftershave and the feel of his scruffy mustache as he kissed me goodbye each morning, after finding me hiding under the covers.

~The mixture of smells in my grandmother's house when I was 4, 5, and 6: cooking bacon, brewing coffee, noxema, listerine, and frying eggs. All from my grandfather.

~Sitting next to my great-grandfather in front of his piano, as he played for and sang to me. He was a talent, and I remember every physical feature about him, even now. He was such a kind soul. My father now has that piano, and I hope to one day have it.

~The time my grandmother's cat was missing in action all day. We called for her in the cellar, upstairs, in the attic, out in the backyard, the vegatable garden, the garage. My grandmother even walked around with the electric can opener, hoping that would convince Minerva to show up. Finally, we found her lying in my grandmother's tomato plants. She had fallen out the 2nd story window, by leaning too heavily on a window screen, and landed in the garden. Her tail was battered, one ear was ripped and bleeding, and her whiskers and face were covered in dirt and dust. She smelled like tomato plants. And wow, was she cranky after that fall!!

~My Nana making me a whole box of Kraft Mac'n'Cheese, and then letting me eat E.L. Fudge cookies even though I didn't eat the entire box of mac.

I could go on and on. In fact, I am pretty sure I will be dedicating a few posts over the next few days to some pretty big memories.

I am a big believer in the fact that our experiences do shape us, all throughout our lives, not just in childhood. You can learn a lot about a person by what he finds to be significant in his childhood. What have you learned about me so far? And please, tell me: what memories do you have?
to be continued....


No more cleansing & various other bitchings

Well, I haven't blogged since Day 2 of my cleanse, and there is a good reason for that. Namely...well, I fell off the cleansing bandwagon the night of Day 2. NO, really. The stuff didn't taste bad, but I had a 2 hour period where I couldn't drink it, and that was just enough time for my stomach to come alive and, well, inhale my liver. And my spleen. And really, once my stomach starts ingesting my other organs, it's all over. So.
It's all over.
I ate dinner that night, and I also happened to have a package of Rolo's. Mmmmmm.
And see, Ash Wednesday was, well, WEDNESDAY, and I decided that this Lent, I was going to give up all of the yummy things my belly loves to eat. And I love healthy stuff too, so I am committed to eating healthy, eating very little fried crap, cutting down on calories, and.....
No ice cream.
No cake.
No cookies.
No candy.
No starbucks' pastries.
No cupcakes.

My stomach is pretty pissed about this decision. But I am sure my ass will thank me later, when I walk around in a bathing suit for 7 days in Mexico.
And exercise is right around the corner. NO, really.
The other reason I stopped the damn cleanse was simple: I was so damn worn out from my 2 year old's damn fever, and I just wanted to be able to comfort myself with something yummy and full of fat-ass calories.
So, the fever finally left the house Wednesday afternoon. Yippeeeee. I kicked it's ass out the front door. Seriously. And then she came home from school today (the kid, not the fever), and she was a whiny, crying, clinging, pale kiddo again. Are you KIDDING ME????? I can't do this another weekend, seriously. I will literally lock myself in my closet and let my stomach eat all my other organs. (Can I say 'Seriously' a few more times in this post?)
Can I boycot all things Valentine's Day? The flowers, the 'Every kiss begins with Kay' commercials, the heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, the cute Victoria Secret perfume gifts, the sexy red & pink lingerie with the little hearts & lots of lace, the gag-me-with-a-heart-shaped-lollipop lovie-dovie cards???? I am so over the holiday. No, I'm not bitter. And yes, I love flowers, and candy, and real, spontaneous, heartfelt sentiment. It just isn't like it was when I was younger. And yes, my husband is sweet. It's just not the same. I have spent way too much time and energy trying to feel that excitement, anticipation, and sweetness that comes along with this holiday and your crush.
I say blah. Blah. Blah.
I think I need something sweet to make me sweet again. Which sort of defeats the purpose of this ranting I call a blog, huh?
Oh, well.


She's sick & I'm tired...again

So, the flu bug has invaded my house again. Grrr. Grace came home from daycare with a 103 fever on Friday, and we are finally down to 100 today. But really, that's not what I'm tired of.

I am on Day 2 of the 'Master Cleanse' aka 'the Lemonade Diet'. I was all excited about it, until I actually started it. I am not sleepy tired, I am just tired of not eating. I love food just way too much to be ingesting this stuff for 10 days. I have committed to 5 days, until Saturday morning. Last night I was craving broccoli. Of all things to want, huh? Not ice cream, not candy.....broccoli. And it's not even 11am yet, and today I have had fleeting thoughts of throwing in the towel about 10,000 times. But then I walk into the bathroom, and see my cute bathing suit that I stategically placed on my counter, and I know I have to keep going. Even if I just lose a few pounds this week, it will motivate me to work towards more weight loss.
Speaking of bathing suits, what the hell is up with Target? Why did they put bathing suits out about 2-3 weeks ago? Why do they put spring and summer stuff out when it's still cold out? That is so annoying. The last thing I want to do is try on a bathing suit. But I did it anyway. I tried on my bathing suit from last year. Yes, it fits, but I don't think it covers any of my fatty areas. Like, say, my stomach, my love handles, my thighs. So, that's how it ended up on my bathroom counter-I figured if I look at it enough, I will keep eating healthy.
I have 4 months to look great in that bathing suit. In 4 months, I'm going to Mexico. I cannot wait. I'm going to bring books & lots of sexy summer clothes. But if I don't lose weight, I'll be bringing lots of comfy, cover-up clothes.
On a related note: tomorrow is Ash Wednesday. And every year, during Lent, I give something up until Easter. When I was younger, I gave up candy, cake, and ice cream. It sucked, but in my family, the kids were allowed to have what they gave up, every Sunday. In the past 5 years or so, I have given up less. For instance, I would give up just candy, or just ice cream, or just chocolate chip cookies, which gave me lots of freedom to still eat sweet stuff. But not this year. NO cookies, NO candy, NO cake, NO brownies, NO ice cream. NO tiramisu. NO cupcakes. NO starbucks' pastries. Ack. I'm not including gum in that mess, nor am I including fat free jello or pudding. I have my limits, damn it. I'm hoping this will help me with my weight loss.
And yes, I am aware that I am not fat or overweight by any means. But I don't like how I feel, and the 18 or so pounds that I have gained seems to be all in one damn area-my muffin top. And I refuse to be one of those people that continues to wear sexy bathing suits even when they sooooo obviously should NOT be. And I realize that if anyone else were to see me in my bathing suit, they probably wouldn't see the fat that I see.
So.....day 2 of the cleanse. I guarantee I will be dreaming about food tonight.