7.16.2009

Grief

I've found that I don't trust you,
Or myself,
When I'm with you.
I am nervous
And watching every step
Ready to defend & prove
My unselfish servitude.

I refuse to do this again-
in my head.
But I will.
I do:

Don't tell me I'm wrong
Or that my thoughts are ignorant
That I have nothing to fear
And then tell me I haven't done enough.

More and more,
I feel my hope slipping.

I slide, in my tears
I fall
to my knees,
into a puddle of fear.

Grip what I cannot: my heart.
It is in my stomach churning,
No more, please stop.
I am wrong, mistaken.

I try my damnedest to do right by you,
but this aching-I am weak.
I give away what I need most-
My strength.
I am broken, fallen.

You do this to me
And you are proud.
You know these scars well,
You pick at my wounds to see me bleed.
Because you know
I cannot stand the sight of my blood, mixed with my tears,
Because you know
I will turn my head,
defeated.

Then.

Build me to break me
Kill me to save me
Apologize to do no good.
I accept-
We knew I would.

10 comments:

Badass Geek said...

Powerful.

mattschmunk said...

Wow, this is a great poem!

Auntie Em said...

You constantly amaze me Danielle.

Legallyblondemel said...

Not sure what to say, except that this is so moving. Thank you, and I hope whatever inspired this resolves itself.

whymomdrinksrum.net said...

You are AWESOME.

Danielle-lee said...

@Badass Geek: Thanks. Either form of grief will do that to you.

mattschmunk: Thanks!

Auntie Em: Thanks!

Legallyblondemel: It's okay, I don't know what to say sometimes when this stuff lands on my paper.

whymomdrinksrum: So are you, my dear, so are you.

Kay said...

Wow... I can only echo what has already been said - powerful, amazing, touching, awesome, and honest.
I'm assuming your goal was to get your emotions across - and you did. You did it so well that it brought my own to the surface. And now I just keep going back and rereading this, because it feels so much like me.

Dynamita said...

This is beautiful!

the girl with the pink teacup said...

So powerful. So wonderful.

You're so very talented.

TUWABVB said...

As usual, you rock my world.