7.15.2009

Yeah, I've got one-what's the big deal?

There are many things in my life that I have had to give up, for better or worse. Some were not so difficult: I didn't drink an ounce of alcohol while I was pregnant. I can give up candy or ice cream for the 40 days of Lent each year. I gave up watching The Bachelor (there was some withdrawal there) with hardly a tear.
Other things were more difficult: Burying my childhood dog, Victoria, who lived for 14 long, lucky years. More recently, losing my old man dog, Kooter. Burying my grandparents. Kissing my partying life goodbye when I decided I wanted to have a child. Saying goodbye to kids on my caseload, whether I wanted to or not. Agreeing to getting a fake Christmas tree, when I really didn't want to agree at all.
It's still difficult to deal with the fact that I no longer have the buff, strong, firm body that I had when I was 17. It's unpleasant to come to terms with the fact that my husband and I are not the same teenagers we once were (although we like to think we are sometimes, when we tie one off). I had to say goodbye to little tiny onesies and cute baby outfits, when my girl stopped being a baby. That's a tough one!
I've had to say goodbye to friendships. I've had to say goodbye to people I really cared about, bonded with, felt a connection with.
I've had to fight for (and sometimes lose) things I really believe in, and fight with people I love about those things.
But, the thing I cannot say goodbye to is.....

...the blanket my grandmother gave me when I was a very little girl. It was something she ordered in the mail, after collecting proof-of-purchase's. It is the Jolly Green Giant & Little Sprout. It is currently in my lap as I type this. Go ahead, laugh. It is warn out, faded, threadbare, see-through, and covered in dingle balls, all at the same time. But, it is soft, comfortable, cuddly, (somewhat)warm, and MINE. I love it. In high school I used it for warmth. In college-ditto. Now-ditto. But, it has been a source of comfort too, during difficult times in my life, when I am worn out, stressed, tired, sick, sad. And now, I have a 4 year old who says 'I want my mommy's blankie' when she is tired or cold. Oh hell, I have a blankie, and I'm 31. So can I really ever say anything about her little tiny blankie, when mine is full size? (See how threadbare it is? My hubby makes fun of it all the time)

It's not just that it is all of the above, but it is also that it is from my grandmother, who I truly adored, who is gone from my life in the physical sense. Except, not when I have this blanket. Then she is here, with me.

So tell me people-does anyone have something they cannot say goodbye too, embarrassing as it may be??

16 comments:

alntv said...

I still have my Pooh bear from when I was a baby. It used to have a jingly bell in its ear but I don't know where it went. I have it in my closet, resting in a safe spot away from little hands. I have a plan for him for some day. Until then, he hangs out and watches my clothes...LOL

Badass Geek said...

I have a stuffed animal dog named Pepper that I've had since I was five. One of his ears is falling off and the stuffing is coming out in a couple of places, but I cannot bear to part with him.

Sgt. Social Worker said...

I have my blankies...pinky and bluey...still sleep with them every night. I also have Angelina, a rag doll the paper boy gave me when I was about year ago. Shes always on my bed but I dont really sleep with her like I do my blankies.

whymomdrinksrum.net said...

Awww, you are too cute! I have a box of stuff...my blankie included. It's too threadbare to really handle much - but I pull it out once in awhile & touch it. I also have my first doll, and teddy bear. And my Dad's cap which he wore up until the day he died.

I think it's healthy. And sweet. And...well, cute.

MzEll said...

I have a pillow person that my Great-Grandmother gave me when I was four. All the grandkids got one, but I think I'm the only one that slept with mine until she started to fall apart. She went to college with me, (along with another one I got in middle school), and they both are in the bottom of the co-sleeper in our bedroom in case I ever need them.

I loved this post!

Legallyblondemel said...

This is so very nice. And, coincidentally, I'm also 31 but only wish I had saved one of my blankies.

I have one horseback riding trophy I won as a teenager that I hold onto, mostly because my late grandfather was around to see me win it. It was something he had supported me over the years to win, so beyond the thrill of having won it is the reminder of what he sacrificed to get me there.

Fab post!

Miss Grace said...

Dude. I wear my grandma's CLOTHES. I wish I was lying. But I am not.

Yesterday I wore a sundress that was my mom's when she was in high school.

I have MUCH old SHTUFF.

Auntie Em said...

I have a stuff toy, (a tiger) that I have had since the Christmas of 1963! It is the only stuff toy I ever got as a child. I am 55 years old. Do you see where you get this sweet addiction from?

Evelyn said...

I totally get it! I used to get really attached to silly things and it was just piling up. As long as it's not taking over your life I don't think it's a big deal.

I only recently through out my grade 10 history class. Why I kept them for 10 years I'll never know!

Kristie said...

I, too, have a blanket I cannot get rid of. We call it the brown blanket. It belonged to my Grandpa many years ago and it became mine when I was young. It's an ugly shade of brown and it sheds all over the place but I love it.

NGS said...

I have a blanket my mom made for me when I was wee. She took an itchy green wool army blanket and sewed this fabric decorate with ducks and blue dots around it. When I went to college, my mom kept trying to take it out of my laundry basket and I kept putting it back on. When I went to grad school, she snuck it out of the UHaul and I snuck it back in. I'm almost 30, married, and my duckie blanky is still on my bed. Ha!

Sarah said...

I have a stuffed dog named Scruffy, Jon gave him to me when I we first started dating.

Jewels said...

My grandmother built my dollhouse. It lived in her house when she was alive and then in my house after she died. It was still in my room when I went off to college and I had always planned to keep it for my kids someday. Then my sister and her husband (who were staying at my parents' house) were carrying it out to the storage room and it collapsed into pieces. I cried for days.

Danielle-lee said...

alntv: Seriously, that is sweet! Do a post on it, please??

Badass Geek: Ditto what I said to alntv. It is sweet and endearing to know that the little boy is still alive inside the man. Do a post on Pepper!!

Sgt Social Worker: Awwwwww.

whymomdrinksrum: I think it's sweet and cute too, regardless of what anyone else thinks. We need to hold on to the things that make us comfortable and secure.

Mzell: I keep thinking I need to stop leaving it out in the living room for all of us to use, b/c one day it might not be useable. :( But I can't part with it!

Legallyblondemel: Good for you for keeping it! I got rid of some things when I became a teen that I wish I hadn't. :(

Miss Grace: That is so cool! I wear a ring that was my grandma's, but shhh, don't say that too loud b/c it's possible my cousins who dont talk to me would be pissed.

Auntie Em: :)

Evelyn: My husband used to call me a packrat, but since we have moved so much, I have weeded out so many things. I'm down to one chest of things I truly care about. Good, huh?

Kristie: Awww, we are blankie girls. :)

NGS: My mom laughs when she sees how threadbare this blanket is, and threatened to throw it out once, being silly. Hell no!!!

Sarah: So sweet!

Jewels: Oh my gosh, I would have cried too! My pop-pop made me a dollhouse when I was little, complete with furniture, electricity, and a door bell. I dont know what happened to it, and why the hell didn't someone tell me I would want it when I was older, to pass down to my daughter?

TUWABVB said...

I'm such a purger...I hate that about myself. I hate to hold on to things that make me hurt...sometimes I wish that I had held onto more.

lilfoot2007 said...

Don't feel embarrassed, I still have my "bot" that my cousin made me when I was a baby. It's so ratty, but I don't care, I love it to bits.