Playing the part

I ate kick-ass pad thai,
     and I thought of the only meal we shared, taking turns identifying the pop-culture songs being played on a keyboard (you were so much better at it than I).
I drove aimlessly down unfamiliar streets,
    and I thought of your hand on my knee, your thumb grazing my thigh.
I drank several shots of cheap tequila,
     and I thought of the perfect dive bar you took me to,
          and I remember feeling like this moment belonged to someone else....
                surely I didn't deserve to have my way with you.
And I didn't (deserve it)
       but I did (have my way), 
It ended too soon.
I sit in this chair, my lap full of journal pages, an unopened Spin magazine, and
I watch these brief memories play-rewind-replay
        in my mind.
In the dark, I know-
I needed more than one night
     to convince you
What took only minutes for my heart to learn.
I find myself thinking of you- at the most inappropriate times,
I find myself dreaming of you-and I wake up in the silence of my room,
    hoping you were dreaming of me too.
I walk a thin line, a fine-toothed edge,
    writing these words, thinking these thoughts,
Yearning for the impossible, just out of reach.
I am being silly
    and unrealistic
       and selfish
          and foolish.
And I am reading between your unwritten lines,
seeking sentiment where there is none, 
hoping you will play me like the script in your hands.