Deadly sins, Pharm-water, & sad news

Let me start this blog off by saying that I am a guilty Catholic. I am a recovering Catholic. I grew up in the Catholic church, and I love God. I pray. But I also became disheartened or bored or something, around the age of 20 or so, by the Catholic Church. I was not getting anything out of going to Mass, other than sore knees. I did not feel I was learning, I did not feel closer to God, and it wasn't always very welcoming. Overall, I just don't think that it should feel like that. So....I am a guilty Catholic-I don't go to Mass, I believe in birth control, I am on the fence about abortion, and now....I believe in stem cell research! Ack! Watch out-lightning bolts are coming for me right this very instant!
So, you heard that the Vatican decided to add 7 more deadly sins? First off, what has made the Church decide to finally, after 7000 or so years, enter this damn century? I'm a bit blown away by that, all on it's own.
Here they are: polluting, genetic engineering, being obscenely rich, drug dealing, abortion, pedophilia and causing social injustice.
That's pretty amazing, isn't it? So now we are going to hell if we don't repent for being a litter bug? What about the 'obscenely rich' who give so much to help others? Drug dealing? Sigh. I get the sentiment. I really do. But I am feeling like the Church is just going to push more people away by this, rather than draw in more believers.
I already believe in birth control. I use it. I have for years. It's just being smart, pro-active, and safe. To me, it's not a sin. I also believe that there are situations where an abortion needs to happen. NO-I do not agree with an abortion in the 2nd or 3rd trimester, when it is a child, with body parts, emotions, and feelings. But I do think that if an 11 year old is raped (and YES PEOPLE, it does happen, a lot more than you want to know), she should not have to be pushed into adulthood by going through 9 months of pregnancy and then become a mother, when she should be playing with her friends and her I-pod.
And I do believe in stem cell research. I think that we are on to something BIG, that could save millions of people with tons of different incurable diseases. I believe that God is pointing us down this path, NOT Satan.
So, I am a guilty Catholic who will worry about her soul until she passes away, because she has turned from the Catholic church. And littered.
Another interesting story today: http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,336286,00.html
If you know me, you know that I have said this before: I think we need to pump some anti-depressants into the drinking water. I don't mean this lightly. I really am serious. I think depression is a lot more widespread than we realize, and I also think that a lot of people don't take it very seriously. Some people don't know enough about it, and feel like someone can 'just snap out of it'. Others don't care to know anything about it, and ignore it-in their loved ones, and also in themselves.
I think I have probably suffered from depression since I was younger, but didn't really latch onto the thought, or recognize it in myself until the very end of 2006. And I gotta tell you, it is serious shit. And anti-depressants? They are awesome at taking up that damn serotonin. It's amazing how much better you feel, even in every day life where you didn't realize you were affected.
So, I honestly feel that putting anti-depressants in our water would make lots of awful stuff go down: crime rates, stress levels, road rage, self-hatred......But, I didn't ever really think about the fact that we really are dumping this stuff into the drinking water, along with anti-convulsants, heart medication, cholesterol meds, hormones.....it's all there for the taking, whether we want it (or need it) or not. Which really, is a bit scary. I mean, wow! What is this stuff doing to those of us who don't need it? What about the environment? Wildlife? I don't see an easy (or cheap)solution to this.
A co-worker passed away sometime between last night and this morning. She didn't show for work, and didn't answer her phone, which is totally not like her. My boss went to her apartment complex to check on her, because she is an older woman who lives by herself. Almost all of her family live far away.
When the apartment employee broke into her apartment, they found her deceased on her couch, with her bible lying next to her. Like she had just fallen asleep reading.
I didn't know her well, and that sorta saddens me, because I feel like I should have tried harder to get to know her. She was sweet, and a bit all over the place, but she appeared happy. I just didn't really have the time to get to know her very well.
But really, what got to me all day, and is still getting me as I sit here on my couch, is this:
Last Thursday, she was calming down our clients when the snow came earlier than expected. On Friday, she was taking a client to the dentist. I don't know what she did all weekend, but really.....if she knew she was going to pass away, would she have been doing all those things her last few days on this Earth? I can't stop thinking about how we can just be snuffed out in a single moment, and it really is not our choice, and everyone else is left to deal with the consequences of our actions (or inactions) after we are gone.
I wouldn't want to be working if I knew I was going to pass away in a week. I wouldn't be complaining about my backyard being a damn mud hole, or how my husband leaves his damn shoes right where I can trip on them every day. I just wouldn't want to waste the time.
Yet I do. Every day. I don't talk to everyone I love every day. I don't say how much others mean to me when I should. I don't spend every waking moment with my daughter. I get impatient with her. I yell. I grit my teeth.
I don't spend enough quality time with my husband. Or my father. Or my sister.
I worry about minor things, I stress about stupid things that I really don't have much control over. And I put off things that I really want to do. Like go to grad school. Like write a novel. Like attempt to get some of my poetry published. Like have another child. Like plant a garden.
What if my time is up in a few weeks? What do I have to show for it? Or rather, what do my loved ones have to show for it?
I can't wrap my head around this. I am overwhelmed when I think about it.
So. I will attempt to be more thankful. I will attempt to show my love more. I will attempt to do more meaningful things with my life, while I have my life.

1 comment:

Chris Spencer said...

I had this whole anti-depressant rant-like rebuttal worked up, and then I read the last part of your entry.

This is the third instance of a sudden passing I've heard of in recent weeks.

And I am sincerely sorry.

But what you said is true. It's kind of funny what death teaches us about life.