Make it stop.....

Well, I've been back for a few days, and I just haven't had the energy to blog. Lots of stuff in my head, a few silly stories to tell, but a ton of other stuff is taking up my time. The 1498 loads of laundry, for example. Or, the layer of dust that somehow accumulated the 8 days I was gone.
Or how about the fact that I had to hunt down the email address to my contact at this writing contest I entered back in October. For cripe's sake, if you say you're going to announce the winners on April 30th, please, for the love of all that is holy, fricking ANNOUNCE THE WINNERS. Instead, they decide to send out an email saying they are going to need another month to make a decision. WTF? I've already been waiting 6 months!!! (I found out today that I am not the winner, nor am I one of the finalists).
Or, could it be that I am being dragged down by my girl, who somehow has decided that only I can change her diaper, bathe her, put her to bed.....I do this stuff all the time anyway, but she is really clingy since we got back. In fact, she was pretty damn clingy on the trip. (Has anyone out there ever gone on vacation with a toddler?? Have any of you actually had enough relaxation on said vacation?? Gahhhh.)
Or how about the mountain of work on my desk? It's pretty much bleeding over to the floor, the file cabinets, under my desk.
OH WAIT! NOW I remember why I haven't been blogging!!!:

I.have.been.peeing.out.my.butt.since.Saturday.

I woke up in the middle of the night Saturday, and heard this rumbling sound. One dog was on the couch with me, the other was on the floor next to me, and it is pretty much the norm to hear their stomachs growling at any given time. And not because I don't feed them. See, one of them will eat the other one's food. Or, one of them will decide he isn't in the mood to eat. And they both always eat grass. I'm not sure what's going on with them, but back to my ass--
So, I thought it was their bellies growling. A few minutes later, I realized it was my belly growling. Actually more of a full-out attack, not just a harmless little growl. And then....
I ran to the bathroom.
Which is where I have spent the majority of every night since then.
And a large part of every day.
I'm not hungry, I'm so thirsty, I feel all bloated, and I just can't make it stop. Kaopectate? Hasn't make a dent in this issue. Imodium? Uh, no.
First off, let me just tell you that I did not get drunk while in Mexico. I was not over-served, not one time. Pretty disappointing, if I say so myself. So, it's not alcohol poisoning.
Also, NO, I did not drink the water in Mexico.
Also, I haven't eaten anything weird or new.....
And then I'm watching the news, and I see them talking about all these damn tomatoes causing bacterial infections. And, if you know me, you know I will eat tomatoes like apples. MMMMMmmmm! But, alas, I have not had any tomatoes since I have been home.
So, I have no idea what the frick is going on in my nether regions, but I am so sick of running to the toilet all hours of the day and night.
Today I had to lock the office door because I was the only one there. How embarrassing would that have been to have some customer or delivery person walk in and look around for me, only to hear me groaning in the bathroom??
I also frantically made a pitstop this afternoon while running errands. Thank goodness for clean grocery store potties!
Yesterday, my girl was sitting on the potty in her bathroom, reading a book, and 'contrating' (that's how she says concentrating) on 'going peepee'. I walked into the kitchen to guzzle some water, when she yelled, "Mommy, I did it! I peed in the potty!"
So, in my excitement, I ran down the hallway towards her bathroom. Which caused me to pee out my butt. In my shorts.
When I got to her bathroom doorway, I told her I would be right back. She asked me why, and I told her I had pooped my pants. Why bother lying, right?
Her response?:
"Mommy, you shouldn't poop in your pants! Go in the potty!"

Gah.

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So other than my bowel issues, the only other exciting thing I've got going on is that I applied for grad school this week. All I have left to do is my little 4 page essay. Which I may have to write from the comfort of my toilet seat.

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I swear I'll have pictures posted tomorrow. And silly stories. And I've got a couple of blogs to post that I have been holding onto. Until then, I'm off to go sit on the toilet, which will cause my dogs to stand in the doorway, because how dare I sit on their water bowl?????