Things you may not know

My faults are many:



I am a procrastinator. I get down to the very end of the wire on papers (anyone seen my crazy-ass Tweets lately??), I avoid the laundry, and if it has to do with statistics or research, I will wait until the bitter end to read it.

I do not ask for help nicely (just ask my husband about this). I just don't know how to. For someone who makes helping others the very crust of her existence, I sure don't know how to take help from others. I always say 'No thanks' when it's offered. Very rarely do I jump at someone's offer to take my kiddo for a bit, or anything else for that matter. And when I know I need help, I just can't figure out how to ask. I worry so much about others' perceptions of me, and the last thing I want it to be considered naggy, bitchy, or whiny. So, if I think I will come across that way when asking for help (say, in folding the laundry so I can get some school work done), I.will.not.ask.



I am probably considered an enabler by some. I help my brother when he is short on cash. I help my mother when she is stressing out. I tend to put a band aid on some things, rather than help the person how to figure it out on their own. I am their 'out', in some ways.



I am a klutz. Not an hour goes by that I don't stub my toe, crack my knee on something, run into a wall, trip over NOTHING, or pinch my finger in a drawer or some other open-close type of device. I have bruises and scars, most of which I remember getting. I spill things all the time. I cannot wear white (yet, duh, I still do). To make things worse, I have passed this gene on to my girl.



I over analyze some things. Sometimes people, too. And those that are close to me, I am pretty sure, worry that I over analyze them. I pick apart every situation, every social problem, and try to come up with a reason why and a solution. I am my own worst enemy , because I over analyze myself as well.



I forget little things that seem unimportant, but end up being necessary. However, I remember things that I don't need to remember: the pain of my heart conditions, the sound of my father crying, the weight of my brother's body (in my arms) when he was 7, the hurt some people have caused me, the kiss of a lost love.....my brain is overflowing with things that just don't seem to have a real purpose.



I am sensitive. I am empathetic. I absorb others' emotions too often. I stress myself out. I miss appointments. I am late all the time. I love to sleep more than I love to be on time, apparently.

I have a vision of what I want to look like, but it's easier to keep eating pastries and avoid mirrors, than it is to avoid pastries.



I am my worst critic. I don't see a 'photogenic beauty' like some people say they see when looking at pictures. I don't see an intelligent, independent person when I look in the mirror. Well, not often. I know these things to be true, but convincing myself on a daily basis is a task that I cannot always complete.



BUT.



I am loyal. I am loving. I am fun. I have a great sense of humor. I am caring. I love to help. I love to care for others. I love to make people happy. I care about the safety of others. I want a solution for children going to bed and waking up hungry each day. I am attentive to those I care for. I am outspoken. I am confident in my abilities to help others. I seek out the weak, to make them strong. I know, without a doubt, that I got the best parts of both parents' genes. I also know that I got some of the bad genes. I know that fear is what limits me. I know that anything is possible with a little faith....as small as a mustard seed. I am intelligent. I push myself to be better. I am a good mother. I am a devoted wife. I am a loving sibling and daughter. I put others before myself. I believe people have the capacity to change for the better. I give people second chances (and sometimes 3rd). I have hope for the world. I am slowly coming to terms with my faults, and finding positives in each of them.

This is me. Take it or leave it.