Why I should (NOT) be allowed out of the house

My dogs are currently living in the garage of our house. With the painter, and 4000 pounds of sawdust from putting in new wood floors, being inside is not really an option for them. And outside? Well, outside is a disaster. We had faulty sprinkler heads (and here I was thinking maybe I was crazy because there was always at least 6 inches of standing water in my backyard, and my husband didn't believe me when I told him over and over 'That is JUST.NOT.RIGHT.') and they are finally being fixed. And?

I am totally getting a beautiful backyard!!! It may be small, but it's about to have a patio under the beautiful arbor, and plants, and roses, and flagstone pathways, and, and, and! This is the best part!: A fenced-in area for my dogs to stay when I put them outside. I am so excited! You have no idea! If I had thought about it, I would have taken some 'before' pictures (standing water and mud holes galore!), but I didn't know that we were doing this! This is my Christmas present from my husband! How cool is that?

Now really, it's so frustrating. He always gives me awesome gifts (remember?: he bought me a telescope for my birthday!!!), and I can never compare! My gifts to him pale in comparison. And I realize that is not what gift-giving is all about, but just once!, I would like to be able to take his breath away by a gift. Sighhhh.

That little story leads to the whole reason behind my post (thanks for hanging in there):

My dogs are living in my garage. I am living in a temporary house, far too big for me, down the street. My dogs can't live in this house for several reasons, but mostly because they create mud holes where ever they go. And their farts make the paint peel. There's that. Oh, and the temporary house doesn't have a fence. That might be an issue.

Anyway, so the other day I got off work and went to walk my dogs. Due to the disaster in my backyard (oh! and front yard too! There's a leak in the sprinkler system there too! Front yard=mud hole), I have a 10 foot by 2 foot patch of grass for them to do their business on. Considering it doesn't take long for two large dogs to ruin that 10x2 foot area, I decided to run them to the park area at the end of my block.

Now, we have a way of doing things. It doesn't vary much, these walks. We walk to the end of the block, hook a right, walk to the end of that street, do a U-turn, walk through the park area, do another U-turn, and make our way back to our block. This isn't difficult, people. Same shit, different day, I tell ya.

We get to the end of the block, and.....something happens.

Namely, my old man dog hooks a hard left. Right in front of me. And, at the same damn time, like they are syncronized walkers who practiced this shit in the garage before I came home.. my old lady dog? The deaf one? She hooks a hard right. Right in front of me. Guess what happens? Just guess.

I trip over both of them.

I actually land on old man dog, who begins to lick my face, all 'Oh, so nice to see you down here'. Old lady dog proceeds to the right, like nothing else is going on, and gets choked by her leash. And then goes, 'Oh! Look! It's a pile of my favorite people!', and comes back, pouncing on my back.

This all happened in about 2.4 seconds, I'm pretty sure. And they acted like it was supposed to go down this way. And the best part? (Yeah, it always gets better): Someone drove by immediately after this happened. And stared.

And then?

We all get up, dust ourselves off, and continue like nothing happened.

Until old man dog begins to poop in the middle of the street.