Updates and anxieties

Well, last week I mentioned that I am a 90 year old crab-ass with a failing body. I went to the doctor about possible gallstones (??) and jeez, that was just frustrating. Can I just say GAHHHHHHHHHHHH, what a waste of my time.
I fasted, but no one drew blood. My doctor was on vacation, so his associate saw me. Although I plainly said several times that this did not feel AT ALL like heartburn, no, NO, I am not burping up acid, NO, it is not reflux, she still managed to convince herself that I may indeed 'have some acid reflux going on'. Then, she suggested I buy longer-lasting antacids (HELLO??? NO HEARTBURN HERE). Her ultimate diagnosis: She thinks I have a haital hernia, which is where a part of your stomach pushes up above your diaphragm, into your esophagus. It is aggravated by caffeine, chocolate, spicy food, and high carb meals. When I explained that I have one or two caffeinated drinks A WEEK, and the same for chocolate and high carb meals, she basically ignored me. Then I told her when it happened last week, it was immediately after eating a f-ing salad.
So. My Rx is to stay away from the above, eat slower, and take longer-acting Tums. Lovely.
She said if it feels the same in 2 weeks, I can come back and do the barium swallow study, to confirm the hernia. HOW ABOUT YOU JUST STICK ME WITH THAT NEEDLE THERE AND TAKE SOME BLOOD AND FIND OUT IF IT JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE MY GALLBLADDER??? No? Oh, okay. No problem.
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I'm leaving for Vegas Thursday evening. Going with my hubby, his friend C, and his wife, W. And guess who else is going? My hubby's friend B, and his wife, H, the one that went after my husband so many times. I know, I know. Look, I didn't plan the trip. The guys are all friends. I can play nice, as long as she sits nowhere near my husband the whole weekend. I'll let you know how it goes.
While there, we plan on going to see the Cirque du Soleil show 'O'. My husband has a long weekend of golf and gambling planned with his BFF, while I am bringing three books, have scheduled a massage, and plan on doing some shopping. Vegas' food options might make me FATTER than I already am, but ZOMG, the gelato, the buffets, the alcoholic drinks, the candy, the PASTRIES......
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While I'm on that subject, can I just say how VERY PAINFUL it is for me to admit that I weight ALMOST as much as I did when I was 9 F-ING MONTHS PREGNANT with my girl???? Oh my gosh, I can't even begin to tell you how disgusting I feel. And I've been eating great!! Other than 2 nights a week, where I'm sure my meals are high-calorie. But other than that, I do great. I know I need to drink more water, and I need more exercise, but HOLY BATSHIT, throw me a BONE, will ya???? A couple of pounds? Please???
And related, I am doing the shred, and all I feel is that my arms are getting bigger. I need them to get SLIMMER before they get ripped. Ffffff...............none of my cute spring shirts fit in my arms.
I am seriously considering hiring a personal trainer this summer. I just don't see how I could do it now, during the spring semester. Until then, I'm going to continue with Jillian and her f-ing jumprope & jumping jacks, and throw in some more Wii Fit, biking, and running.
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Packing for Vegas is challenging. Let me just say that I want to be comfortable, yet sexy, yet COMFORTABLE (read: able-to-hide-the under-estimated-over-consumption-of-40,000-calories-in-pastries). Did I mention COMFORTABLE? Anyway, I feel pressure to be sexy, because of the bitchface that is going. Like I said before, she is pretty, and she hits on my husband. I may just have to make a trip to Victoria Secret tomorrow... (like THAT is going to fix all my body issues. Pffft. You will be able to hear the ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG, GAHHHHHH all the way around the world).
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And while we are in Vegas, my girl is staying with my husband's parents. She adores them, and I care for them, but I have to be honest: I would be much more comfortable if she was staying with my mom. She has a great connection with my mom, and my mom has shown over and over just how much she adores my girl and wants to spend time with her. My in-laws, while I know they love her, don't put forth much of an effort to see her, even though they live 45 minutes away. Even though I always say 'You can see her anytime'. Even though they bitch, moan, and whine about how they never see her and 'oh, it's soooo unfair that she likes your mom better'. I want to scream FUCKING GROW UP ALREADY, WILL YA??? But that wouldn't do much for the marriage or the relationship with the in-laws.
They have not proven to me that they would bend over backwards to spend time with her. Driving to my house on Thanksgiving and Christmas, and only playing with her in her room for 15 minutes DOES NOT show me you want to really be an active part of her life. Going on a 7 day vacation in Mexico with her and NEVER ONCE getting in the pool with her, or sitting down in the sand with her to build sandcastles, or dancing with her after dinner in the dark, or EVEN ATTEMPTING to engage her in something remotely enjoyable for a toddler.....didn't quite convince me you want to be active in her life.
YET, every time you do see us, you complain and cry ACTUAL TEARS that you 'never see her' and she 'doesn't love you', but you do nothing about it. I am at a loss here.
My hubby made the decision to ask them if they would watch her. He did it out of guilt, I am pretty sure; he hears what his mother says to me every fucking time, and they were also pissed that I just CANNOT COMMIT TO ANOTHER 7 DAY VACATION THIS SUMMER WITH THEM. So, he tried to give them this gift. And while I know she will be safe, I am worried about their pool, their excessive smoking, their drinking, their ability TO ENGAGE HER IN SOMETHING FUN, their ability to put her to sleep, or to even get to know her likes/dislikes/preferences. I am worried. Just typing this is getting me all anxious. Shit.