Don't judge me

In case you were wondering what the hell I did this weekend, which I'm pretty sure you weren't, but I'm all for making everyone's day when I can, although, now that I think of it...it really isn't possible to make everyone's day all the time, and why the hell do I even try anymore???
Wait. That was an aside we don't want to get into.
Weekend update. Yes. Ahem.

-Fun Friday night with my lovely friend Kristy for her birthday. Awesome friend Zelvis came with (and he drove! Woooo!) and my brownie Biddy met us there. Mojitos, the temporary search for a sexy bodyguard (that so obviously doesn't exist-why do we even bother anymore???), staring at this beautiful woman in a yellow dress because we were sooooo wanting to have long gorgeous legs like hers, giving Zelvis a hard time, and then, OH THEN, we drove around for approximately 20 minutes, following Biddy and her not-so-trusty GPS just to get to f-ing Jack in the Box for their 2 tacos for 99 cents deal. Because Wendy's was not what we wanted. Even though we passed the same Wendy's approximately 4.5 times (don't ask). Even though I'm pretty sure we crossed over the same streets and all of the highways in the Irving/Las Colinas area. We went in a big, huge, Biddy/mojito-induced circle, but it ended in the deliciousness that is Jack in the Box tacos and 99 cent burgers. Yeeeeeee. Worth.every.second.

-Not worth every second? The thirst from hell that resulted the next day. What the hell is it about mojitos that makes me so damn desert-like? I actually got up out of bed THREE times to drink DIRECTLY OUT OF THE FAUCET. No, really. Don't judge me (Words made famous by Kristy's brother, who says them in this very defensive voice that makes me laugh every time).

-My girl attended a half-day cheer camp at the high school around the corner. My not-so-girly girl. And she was adorable. And so far, she is looking forward to performing these cute little cheers on the field at the game this Friday. I cannot even believe I'm finally taking her to a high school football game. That's another post all in of itself.

-The A/C broke in the house. Again. Luckily it wasn't 100+ outside, but omg, it was still miserable.

-My girl made a goal at her second soccer game. And enjoyed herself. And didn't cling to me like a leech, like she did the first quarter of last week's game.

-Saturday I made dinner plans, and then had to cancel them, with a sweet friend I used to work with at CPS. That was just the icing on the cake of a very uneventful day.

-I stayed up too late, watching stupid TV.

-I watched Killers with my mom, sis, and friend. I beat the shit out of the couch with a pillow because of this. Beating the couch? Oh, hee, now THAT is another post. Look for that one later this week. I just can't even begin to discuss the grrrrrrrrr I get.....

deep breaths.

-My girl had a fever all day Sunday. Coupled with the broken A/C, it made for a sweaty, clingy day, and not in a good way. We watched School of Rock and Nanny McPhee, did some napping, and then did some more napping.

-I had approximately 4078 mini-meltdowns (4075 of them inside my head) about being jobless and not receiving ONE MOTHERFUCKING SINGLE phone call thus far, in spite of applying for a ton of jobs.

-I found 3 pieces of bouncy ball in a certain someone's poo in the backyard. So gross. But glad he didn't get a blockage.

-I accidently touched Max's who-ha as he slept on the couch next to me. Then threatened him if he even thought about smiling about it. For those of you not familiar, Max is my DOG, people. I do tend to call him my boyfriend, but not because I touch his who-ha. Not that I touch his who-ha often. Or EVER. OMG, how do I back my ass out of THIS paperbag??

Ahem.

-I somehow flung a pair of cuticle scissor type things off of my lap as I was getting off the couch. Like, flung them into my face, barely missing my eyeball. What the hell?

Yes, YES, that's part of the excitement of my weekend.
Again, don't judge me.

-I delurked on Avitable's blog, to tell him his picture looked like it contained penises. WHAT? Go look and tell me the candles don't look like penises.

-I almost went to see Animal Kingdom, which I've really wanted to see for awhile, but the whole kiddo-had-a-fever thing, followed by the broken-A/C thing, followed by the kiddo-stayed-with-me-tonight thing, and well, I didn't see the fucking movie. Guess what I might go see by myself on Wednesday night?

-I didn't work, which I totally should have since I am BROKE BROKE BROKE, but I had requested off for my girl's soccer game and the dinner plans that I had to cancel, and omg....

Yeah, so....there.