The bending of time always fascinates me. How can one day feel like a week, yet I could spend a week on a beach and feel as though I just arrived? I can lie in my dark room, silence pulling on my thoughts, and stare at the clock.....60 seconds seems irrationally slow when you are waiting for morning to show. But 5 minutes is never enough when I'm almost late for work. Or when I press the snooze button.
55 days ago, an ending and a beginning.
"Before you can have a new beginning, you must make peace with the ending. Endings come before beginnings."
First, the ending:
Silence. Aching. Anger. Rage. Biting the inside of my cheek until I tasted blood. Crying until sleep. Sleeping until more tears. Shattered ideas of dreams. Unasked questions. Wrong paths. Short paths. Almost lovers. One night stands. Disgust. Loss. Loneliness. Fear. Knocking down. Debris. Re-building. Distrust. Mistrust. Deception. Desertion. Actions blinded by tears. Love washed away by lies.
I had grown to expect loneliness. I wasn't willing to settle, but I was. After three years-approximately 1096 days-my present became my past. My now became my then. My this became my ending.
A night that I didn't want to end, went by too quickly. I had wished for this night for so long. As a girl, wishing for that romantic comedy, no real PERSON in mind, just that persistent feeling that my ONE was out there somewhere, that I would find him. For nearly a month, I had ached for this night, with HIM, specifically. And finally, when it happened...it flew by.
But that moment. My beginning. It is forever etched on my heart, glowing just under the surface of my skin, touched by him.
I sat at a table with him in a loud hole-in-the-wall restaurant. I grew lightheaded and dizzy when it hit me: my beginning.
The thought resonated in my brain, bouncing behind my eyeballs, when he reached across the table and put his hand on my forearm: my one. My skin vibrated beneath the heat of his hand, and all the bullshit that is now my ending grew silent in my brain, and the silence was unbearably loud, but not as loud as the peace I felt within my heart.
Ache. Comfort. Hope. Peace. Joy. Simple sleep. Dreams. Soft touches. Trust. No doubt. Fearless. Fullness. New paths. Smiles. Connected hearts. Eyes upward. Eyes forward. Respect. Honesty. Loyal. Shared future. Love.
He is my one.
I try to tell him this every day.
I have had no doubt since that night.
And the bending of time?--55 days has flown by, but I feel as though I have loved him for 1000 years.
I know that I was made for him, and he for me.
Two months in our time is just the blinking of an eye, the sliding down of one grain of sand in an hourglass, in God's time.
He is my beginning, and I am his.