The night-time fairies and other annoying b.s.

So, I would have posted this last night if it were not for the fact that I worked until midnight and I was worn-the-hell-out by the time I realized I was dozing on my laptop.

First off, the cast is off. My girl is cast-free! She is a scaly, hairy little thing with a limp, but there is no longer a cast! She cried about peeling, and didn't think she could walk the whole first day. Saturday night she finally walked and turned back to me and said, 'MOMMY, I can WALK!' with this incredulous smile on her face. Well, DUH.

Sunday night was a real bitch. I must have pissed off the night-time fairies or something. I'm not sure how I got on their shit list, but if anyone has their phone number, I would really like to call them and ask them what the hell I can do to get back into their graces!! Anyway. Sunday night: Grace had a fever, choking on her snot, and was up allllll night crying, coughing, and yelling at me that 'my nose is RUNNNNNNNING!' I ended up sleeping on the floor in her room most of the night, if you can call it that. My 30 year old ass and joints cannot handle the hard floor. I was walking around like a 90 year old woman all day Monday.

Monday night: Ahhhhh. Silence, after she screams for 25 minutes because I WILL NOT lie down on the floor next to her bed until she falls asleep. About 2 seconds after I settle into my covers, she starts choking on her snot again. Like, to the point of major gagging. Lovely. This led to another night of being up alllll night, pretty much.

Last night: I working my butt off last night on some paperwork. I even turned off the TV, even though I wanted to watch a few of my recorded shows (my new unnecessary evil is The Bad Girls Club). And the entire time, it rained and thundered. I seriously thought it was hailing a few times. And my daughter has a bit of an issue with thunder. She tells it to 'go-way!' and says that it 'is not bery nice' and needs to 'go in the trash!' So I kept flinching every time I would see a flash of lightning, just praying that it wasn't followed by a big clap of thunder...which it was, of course. And each time she would wake up and moan "Momma", which would cause me to freeze and hold my breath until I was blue or she stopped moaning.

So after I discover the drool on my laptop, I go to bed. And about 2 seconds after I pull the covers up to my chin, a huge flash of lightning fills my room, and....you guessed it!-Thunder! Lots of it! Grrrrr.

The night-time fairies suck, because allll night long, it rained, hailed, and thundered, and alllll night long, she woke up, moaning "Momma" or screeching. So.....allll night long, I was jolted awake by thunder and my girl. And really, it must be the whole mother gene that makes me wake up at the slightest sound coming out of her room.

So. Three nights in a row of shitty sleep, tense shoulders, holding my breathe, and.....my f-ing husband snoring his ass off in the bed, not missing a damn wink of sleep. What the hell is up with that??? It is sooo unfair.

Maybe the night-time fairies are male? What have I done wrong? Why must I be plagued with stupid shit that stresses me out all night long, when this is the time that my body should be relaxing and recharging? Sheesh.

More on my husband:

When he plays his PS3, he tends to forget about everyone and everything around him. But! His radar is on when it comes to my getting up. I will get up to go to the restroom, or get a drink, and as soon as my ass is about 2 mm off of the couch, he says:

"Can you hand me my drink?" (which is about 4 feet away on the end table)

(First off, we've been married almost 8 years, so I don't know why I would expect that he would say 'Please'. But really, come on, I am not just some lady getting you your shit, I'm your wife. )

So I usually get the damn drink for him, but lately I have been bitching as I do it:

"Seriously, you were just up half a minute ago-you couldn't get the damn thing yourself?"

Or: "It is 4 freakin' feet away from you! Get it yourself!"

So I say some variation of that tonight, and he replies:

"Well, that's not very nice. I thought we were supposed to do things for each other?"

Ha. Please don't make me beat you to a bloody pulp.

"What the hell ever, Cockatoo." (his hair was sticking straight up on the top of his head)

"Shut up, Saggy Boobs".

Nice, huh?

I'll be happy to stay up all night tonight if it allows me the opportunity to smother him as he snores and dreams of some hot blonde with un-saggy boobs. (Oh, and by the way, every damn time I tried to take a picture of his crazy hair, he would close his eyes like the flash was more than he could handle. Dork.)