10.07.2009

So simple & profound

A couple of weeks ago I read this post by Aidan over at Ivy League Insecurities. I will wait while you click on over there and read her fabulous post. No, really. I'll go read a blog or listen to some kick-ass music while I wait.
....

While the post struck me as sweet, Aidan speaking kindly of Nic over at My Bottle's Up, what really struck a chord was this: 

"But something in me has an urge to reach out beyond the little snow globe that is my existence. And learn. About others. About different places – geographical and metaphysical. About different people. People with different pasts and different presents. With different experiences and emotions and struggles."

Aidan is much more poetic than I, when it comes to speaking of the WHY? of blogging. For me, I have always said it's for me, my journey, an outlet, a bouncing-off place, a path through my heart & mind that I want to share. It is all of these things, for me.

I have listened to others wax on about how we blog for others, for attention, for notoriety, for affirmation, for friendship. And all of these may well be true.

I have listened to others discuss the need to be honest on our blogs, share every teeny detail with those who are reading, leave no stone unturned, we owe it to our readers.

I have listened to others discuss the necessity in being anonymous, keeping safety at the forefront of the entire endeavor, separating the blog persona and the real person.

I struggle with all of this, because as is par for me, I agree with bits and pieces of all of it. I have never been black and white; I have always made my home in that lovely gray area that scares many, including my loved ones. 

I blog for me. 
I blog to get it out, to see it in print, to prove to myself that my feelings are accurate, real, and justified. 
I blog for support, for a shared sense of SHARING, for new friendships.
I blog to organize my thoughts, my dreams, my emotions, my past, and get a grasp on my future.
While I give you tattered threads of my heart, share dreams that haunt me, I also keep my distance. I am not completely honest with my readers about all of me, all the time. Not that I lie, but I withhold things, things that I'm not quite ready to admit to myself, and certainly not to my readers.
And each time I let fear rule my hands as I type up another post, I think "Maybe I should take a break. Maybe I shouldn't share all of this. Maybe no one gives a shit about it. Maybe I shouldn't give a shit about any of it."
But I hit publish anyway, shaking, fearful that I will disappoint someone, shame someone, throw someone for a loop, push someone away. I am such a people-pleaser, even those people that I have never laid eyes on, even those lurkers, even those who don't deserve the pleasure of my pleasing.
And then I read a post like Aidan's, so simple and profound. And I think "Yes, YES, I have got it right. See it's right there-she thinks like I do. This must be right." And I feel a sense of freedom, of companionship, of pride. I feel as though I have a true friend in Aidan, although we have never gone shopping together, nor have we gone out drinking and dancing until 2am. Nor have we even emailed back and forth. But I read her post, and I realize that we are all doing this shit for the same reasons, and they are all true and just and beautiful.  

11 comments:

Alan said...

Trust me...you DO have it right, my dear friend. Although I'm not as devoted to blogging as some, I find it to be an excellent outlet to getting my thoughts out of my head. You are one of my dearest blogger friends and through this outlet we have met and become friends. Without blogging, that would have never have happened.

The words your friend writes are definitely potent. And they are truth!

Aidan Donnelley Rowley said...

Here I am. At the starting gates of yet another day. Another point in the cycle. A personal cycle. A shared cycle. Life.

I am at Starbucks which you know is my stomping grounds. I have the computer flipped open. I'm sipping coffee. Today, there are grains floating in my coffee. Which strikes me as nothing short of symbolic because the day, though young, doesn't feel smooth today. It feels a shred rough. A bit grainy.

I sit here. Full of questions and ideas. Paralyzed by them. Today, things feel heavy. Heavy in a good, poetic way. Today is one of those days where I wonder why I am blogging. (I wonder this a lot.) Today is a day where I don't have a blog post formed in my head and waiting to spill.

Today, I am pulled in many directions. I want to write my next novel which is one-third done and beckoning me from the back burner. Today, I want to knock out the remaining items for my book. Today, I want to frolic with my girls, to play, to giggle, to digest my day as a mom.

And yet. Instead of doing these things, I came here. To stop by. To see what you are thinking. And I am surprised with a lovely post in which you reference a post I wrote a little while back that affected me deeply. Please know that this post does too. It reminds me of why. It reminds me that the connections I am forging are very much real even if they are knitted from the ether of the internet.

Thank you. One day, we will have to go shopping and stay out until 2am dancing. Deal?

My Bottle's Up! said...

yes, in aidan you have found a fantastic friend. and YOU my sweet are a gifted writer with your own voice.

and i hear you, my sweet. i hear you and i love you.

Kristie said...

I am so glad you blog. Do it for whatever reasons you need to do it. I love it no matter what.

T said...

Girl, I could have written this post.

I have to remember that I blog for me. I started it as an online journal... but yes, the comments drive you to blog one way or the other or to leave stuff out. Yep, I'm guilty of it too.

Do it for your reasons. Just like in real life... some will like it and others won't. They can just go read elsewhere.

kanishk said...

in aidan you have found a fantastic friend. and YOU my sweet are a gifted writer with your own voice.
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Chibi Jeebs said...

"But I read her post, and I realize that we are all doing this shit for the same reasons, and they are all true and just and beautiful."

Hear freaking hear.



P.S. Thinking about you. *squishy hugs*

Mox said...

I HEART this POST! Right on.

It is so scary to put yourself out there, for so many reasons...but it's also cathartic.

And having a bloggy friend like you gives me courage to post questionable things, throwing caution to the wind of judgment.

To them I say, Two tears in a bucket...fuck it.

I am so glad I found you. I cannot believe how alike we are.

I am surrounded by grey.

It's the Pisces way, Baby.

pamela said...

I love this post! You said it so perfectly. Many people thing we blog for attention and thats just dumb and ingnorant. They are just jealous they dont blog. Writing is not for everyone but it sure is for YOU!

blueskyhi said...

Both your's and Aidan's posts are great and oh so true.

I love the way blogging can bring complete strangers together. I love the life experience that others offer me, it gives me a new dimension on my thoughts and feelings.

Lindsey said...

I too was inspired by Aidan's post - here are my thoughts and I am glad to ahve read yours!

http://www.adesignsovast.com/2009/09/why-i-write_20.html

Lindsey