6.02.2010

Unwanted absence

Well hello there. Yes, yes, I am still alive. I haven't forgotten about any of you, and I really do miss you guys. I miss reading your blogs, I miss tweeting w/ you, I miss your comments here, I miss sharing a chunk of my heart with you here, pouring it out, letting it take it's own shape as it settles. I miss writing, like I miss my old man dog. It's always in the back of my head, always this ache in my soul, that I'm wasting valuable time, wasting these thoughts and words, when I should be writing them down, keeping them close.
My semester was full of so many experiences, things I never thought I would face. I love my internship-I feel so comfortable there, and am thankful I get to be there this summer too. I don't even want to think about having to leave there in August. My classes have been challenging, yet I have loved the challenge. My independent study...well, I sorta dropped the ball on that one, but still ended up with an A.
I'm embarking on uncharted territory, for me anyway. I am in a new place in my life, one that feels worn in, beat down, but somewhat familiar. I have so much going on in my head, stifling my words, my writing.
So I fill my head with music, that other thing that is so much me. My ipod is overflowing, and I just keep adding more and more and more......music has always been such a large part of my life, and I intend to keep it that way. It's getting me through this time, along with wonderful friends and the most amazing mother I could ever ask for.

There is no easy way to explain my absence, my mood, my lack of BEING THERE for wonderful people here online. I don't want to drop out of people's lives; I was not made to be a loner. But it's exactly what I've done, and for that I am sad.  There are many of you going through things right now that I haven't been able to support you in, and I am sorry. Please know I am thinking of you, praying for you, and loving you from afar.

I WILL be back here. I hope you will too.

6 comments:

Kelly said...

I've been just as absent as you lately... and I hate it. But, at the same time I have so much going on that it's just not there right now. I do check my reader occasionally, rarely even my emails anymore though. It HAS allowed me to cut my reader down by quite a bit, but YOU I miss, girl!!! If you have google talk, get me at chainsofyesterday and maybe we can spend 10 minutes catching up???

Chibi Jeebs said...

When the going gets tough - when I need support the MOST - I withdraw, too. Sometimes it's just too painful to even pretend (never mind if someone is actually tuned in and paying attention and asks the dreaded "is everything okay?").

I love you, no matter what. <3

T said...

Glad all is well with you!

Take care of you first. The rest will follow.

alntv said...

It's ok, DL. We all understand. Aaaand now...GET BACK TO WRITING!!! LOL

Love ya! :-)

Sarah said...

I've been thinkin about you and hoping that you would be back soon. I miss ya!

thecoconutdiaries said...

Thinking of you. Download "This Is My World" by Darius Rucker ("Hootie" from Hootie & The Blowfish).