Squeeeee!

If you are like me, you enter contests on people's blogs fairly regularly. And, if you are like me, you never win. Last summer I won a prize package from Fiona Picklebottom, and then hosted one of my very few contests, where 10 people commented, and 10 people won. Except, I am pretty sure I never sent Just a Girl her prize, but I'm hoping I will make it to Austin before the end of the f-ing century, and I can just give it to her in person.

Anyway, so this time? This time I actually won!!! Royal Jewels rocks because she sent out my package on Monday from San Francisco, and I got it on Wednesday. Squeeeee!

So, here's what I got:

[I'm having issues with Blogger-it's pretty difficult to move pictures around on the post once I upload them, and you might be able to hear my scream across the country] So, bear with me. I can't seem to put any descriptions between the pictures. So!

-The first picture is probably my favorite thing in the entire box-it's a teeny tiny flask! With a little key chain thingy on it! Portable alcohol! Handy and teeny and omg, sweet!

-A little package of incense, a teeny elephant incense holder, and 2 pretty flower candles. These are going to work with me ASAP.

-Spray hand sanitizer and a little page holder. And yes, my camera blows in comparison to other bloggers' bad-ass cameras, but the page holder has a little whale and a beach inside.

-The next 3 pictures are of little soaps shaped in symbols #&$@? and flowers. And I am so smart that I thought maybe, just maybe, the flowers were actually candy. So I opened them and lightly licked one. Not candy. Soap. Thank GOODNESS I didn't bite into it.

-Gum that I'm hiding from my kid, because she thinks anything in my purse belongs to HER.

-And lastly, things I will share with my girl: A little San Fran cup, teeny fireworks, and sidewalk chalk (the death of me).

-And not pictured: A CD that she made. I can't wait to hear it and report back. You know I love my music!!

Thank you, thank you Jules! I am so excited to have won a contest (even if I did get soap in my teeth)!

I will be hosting my own contest soon (to keep in the spirit of Swistle's Pay it Forward Contests), and will post details next week.

And the Winnah is...

Before I tell you who won my little PiF contest, I just have to complain for a bit. Because, really, nothing is more important than my little blog, what with all the boring election shit, the war, illnesses, the recession, and your own family shit.
I am saddened by the lack of participation in my PiF contest. Isn't that lame? Not that you 10 people who did enter don't mean anything to me, because you do! I've just noticed the lack of readership lately, and I'm just wondering-Are you not reading me because I don't have time to read and/or comment on your blog right now? And how are you going to answer this asinine question when you aren't reading my blog anyway?? Sigh. Moving on.
Maybe it's because you fear, if you win, that you will have to have your very own PiF contest on your blog, and maybe you just.don't.wanna. Okay, that's fine. I get it.
But you will be sorry for not entering, let me tell you. And that's not a threat, it's just simple truth. Keep reading!!! --

I used the random number generator, which uses atmospheric noise (?????), and.....

The winnah is Just A Girl, with the comment:

just a girl... said...
I would take care of my 5 people in my family. And start something for the homeless.

September 4, 2008 2:17 PM

Just a Girl is a girl after my own heart, let me tell you! If you haven't checked out her blog, you really need to. Like now.

Anyway, to the other nine that entered, I have decided that you all are winnahs in my book, soooooo.....

I'm sending you all something!!! Please email me your address by this Friday, so I can send you a little somethin'-somethin'-- dlwinkler(at)msn(dot)com.

Thanks for playing!! And reading!

And then....she (almost) died

I know you all think I've fallen off the face of the planet, and in a way, I sorta have. I have dropped my ass into the middle of grad school, and let me tell you, I love it. I love polarized opinions in one room. I love getting to know new people. I love throwing ideas around with other who have the same passion as I do. It is reaffirming, confirming, comfortable, and motivating. I feel like I belong.
I'm only taking 3 classes this semester, but apparently I picked the three classes that love to give projects and papers. Argh. I like these much more than exams, but at the same time, other things are going to fall by the wayside. Such as my reading. And writing. And blogging. And the washing of the dogs that keep trying to make the great escape out of our backyard. And cooking dinner. And reading blogs. Hell, I won't even tell you what Google Reader said this morning when I opened 'er up, but let me just say this: I have not heard such an evil giggle since watching Jeepers Creepers. I am not quite sure what to do about this. I don't want to delete it, or just 'Mark all as read', but at the same time, holy hell-Do any of you work, or are you just full of shit to write about and have the damn time to do it every.single.day!?!
Please know that I will read as much as I can of your blogs (Yes, I am talking to YOU!) , but I might not have the time to leave you any comment love, and we all know how much of a comment whore you are (Yes, still talking to YOU!).

*************
I have a new friend, who I knew in high school, but we didn't start talking until a little over 2 years ago, so she's not really a new friend, but, errrr.....hell, you get my point!
Anyway, her birthday was yesterday, but I have to wish her a happy birthday here, just like I do for all my other close friends, because I love her to death. She is sweet, kindhearted, and funny. She introduced me to Dooce (online, not in person). She was pretty much one of my only readers when I blogged on Myspace. She also encouraged me to move my ass over here, and leave Myspace blogging behind. She stands by her convictions. By all that I have seen and read, she is a great mom. I am motivated by her. And, she has the most precious toddler I have ever seen! He has such an awesome smile, and these great chubby cheeks that I just want to nomnomnom!!!! So:

Happy belated Birthday Kristie! I'm hoping we get to share lots of Dirty Thirties' birthdays with each other!

*****

And now, the drama.
Because Hurricane Gustav is a nasty biatch, my trip to New Orleans was cancelled. Sigh. So, I went to Austin instead. Had great intentions of getting hammered, stumbling all over myself like an idiot (drunk stumbling, not the sober stumbling I do on a daily basis because I am a total klutz), but I keep forgetting that I am no longer 19 or 20, and at some point, my body just shuts down-"Not doing it. Need a bed. NOW."
So, I don't have much to tell you about my adventures on 6th street. I did get drunk floating the Comal River, and that is where I almost died. Well, drowned. Almost.
And I was dead-ass sober. No, really.
And this is why I'm surprised anyone will give me a life insurance policy.

So, there's this little waterfall, like maybe 3 foot tall. Everyone says "Don't go down it-You'll flip out of your tube." To which I say: "Piss on that. I'm going."

I go down it, and the current is out of control. I don't flip out of the tube, at first. But I'm stuck right in front of this raging 3 foot waterfall, and it sucks me in. So, I flip over (Piss on you!), and....
proceed to drown.

Seriously, I could not get up for air. I have never almost drowned. I've been swimming since I was about 2. I have never been scared underwater. I kept getting sucked under. I swallowed half the damn river. And I had the fleeting thought "Well, isn't this some bullshit", and then some hippie pulled me up out of the water, put my arm on my tube, and said..... (wait for it....)

"You can touch bottom here".

So, I put my feet down, and holy hell, he's right.

I almost drowned in 5 fucking feet of water.

How's that for embarrassing? Oh, and when I finally open my eyes and push my wet mop of hair out of my face, I notice that my bikini top isn't...quite....right. Like, it's sideways. Sorta. Hard to explain, and NO, I did not take any pictures of this shit.

Lovely.

What a way to start a relaxing float down the river, huh? I sure do make my mom proud, let me tell you.

The other excitement, because I am such a graceful lady (and also a glutton for punishment because I know you guys are going to laugh at my expense, yet I'm telling you anyway):

Walking down 6th street in some sexy heels. Wearing my skinny jeans (and not skinny, as in skinny legs, but skinny as in 'I can't wear these jeans when I'm chunky'). Been downtown maybe 10 minutes. And....
I walk out of one of my heels.
And I turn around and the heel of the shoe is stuck in the little space in the pavement. I mean, STUCK.
Again, I was sober.
Again, some old hippie must shame me. He says, "That was funny!", and when I tell him I'm sober, he says "Well, hell, I need to follow you around, because if you take shit off when you're sober, I definitely want to see what you take off when you're drunk! Like that country song-Tequila makes her clothes fall off!"

[And then he asks me if I like tequila.
To which I reply, "Oh yes. Tequila is a friend of mine."]

Anyone else done embarrassing shit in front of strangers? Don't make me stand alone here, with one shoe on and my bikini all sideways and shit.

*******************

Don't forget to go here and enter my 2nd PiF contest. Ends on Sunday!!!!

Pay it Forward Contest extended

I'm extending my PiF contest deadline. Just go here, answer my question, and badabing! You're entered! I won't be announcing the winner until Sunday, the 7th, which give you plenty of time to enter. Chop Chop, people!

More exciting stuff later.....

Pay It Forward Contest

Since Hurricane Gustav has foiled my New Orleans plans, I'm off to good ole' Austin. 6th street, Cedar St. Bar, Lake Travis, food, food, food, food! Hope everyone has a fun and safe holiday weekend!!!!

**********************************

Since I won Fiona Picklebottom's PiF contest, it is now time for me to host my PiF II. Leave me a comment between now and Monday at 11pm (Central time), and the lovely random number generator will pick a winner soon after. I will probably announce on Tuesday.

So, here's what I want to know (wait for it.....):

Did you hear about this story? Someone won the lottery, and put the winning ticket in the offering plate at their church. The church will be getting at least $100,000 a year through 2028!! How cool is that??
So, this is what I want to know--If you were to win the lottery, what nice, unselfish, giving thing would you do with the money?

Because Moo is oh-so right!

Moo over at Moo's Moo said that everyone needs updates, because we all love closure, and I do believe she is right. So! I think I need to update you lovely people on some things because I know you care. (And as a little sidenote, check out Moo's blog today. She is trying to come up with baby names for her upcoming special delivery, and it is sooo fun to come up with names! Help a girl out!)

1. I accidently left you hanging at the end of my last post, and I really didn't intend to. What happened when I called the ASPCA? Well, first off, it took like 2 weeks for them to come out, because there was only one investigator assigned to my county and the county next to me. And let me tell you, it's all country, so I can only imagine how busy the poor guy was! But, when he did finally visit, he made them sell a couple of their horses. And all of a sudden, every day or so, my stupid neighbors would appear out of thin air, and bring hay and fresh water. But then they were told to sell the donkeys, unless they wanted them to be taken away. Of course, this all happened AFTER I moved, so I found out from my normal neighbor. How well they care for the remaining animals now, I couldn't tell you, because I've only been out there once, and I was too heartbroken over the state of my old home to even notice the animals across the street. But that's another story.

2. In this post, I asked you guys to guess what I was doing with all that fabric. One person guessed that I was making outfits for my daughter's little monkey, Cookiebutt. NOPE! Someone else asked if I was going into business. Fun, but NOPE! Making reusable grocery bags? Good idea, but NOPE! Making a bag for her? Nice try, but NOPE!
The real answer is this, and pictures are to follow: I made some wallart for my daughter's room, using large canvases, and stretching the fabric across. I also made smaller ones for my friend's playroom. I still have 2 large throw pillows to make pillowcases for, which will also go in my friend's playroom. I also am still in the process of making some cute curtains with yellow gerber daisies sewn onto them. Hard to explain without pictures, but I swear, I'll get there.

3. That beautiful orchid I bought during that weekend shopping spree? Yeah, uh, within a week of it getting comfortable in my bedroom, all the blossoms started to wilt. Right now, it has not.one.single.flower. Sigh. So I have a healthy, green, plant. Weeee.

4. The continuing saga of the bugs in my house: No scorpions since the one that stung my husband, but the ants? Oh holy hell. I'm about to lose my frickin' mind. And they are fire ants, not sugar ants. Figure that one out, will ya?
If you follow me on Twitter (jeez, I still can't believe I fell in that hole), you probably saw my Twit/Tweet about how 4 million ants had moved into my pantry while I was at work last week, and ate my Kashi cookies. And how I hoped they would all explode from the cookies. Oh, they also took over my cereal, my crackers, and my flour. (WTF?)
Well, I thought I killed them all. Then yesterday morning, I found about 20 random ants on one of my shelves in the pantry. I killed them and again tried to figure out how the hell 20 ants could just appear in my pantry, which is in the middle of the house, nowhere near a door or window. Where the hell are you fuckers coming from????
Yesterday I got home from work to find my loaf of bread covered in ants. In the pantry, of course. How did they even get in the bag? Just typing this is getting me all itchy and goosebump-y. Ick Ick Ick.
So I again attacked them, and cleaned my pantry.
Got home from boot camp, and on the next shelf up, with all the tin foil, plastic wrap, ziplock bags, and a random canister with peanuts and pistachios in it--about 4 million ants.
Seriously, I thought my head was going to explode in the middle of my kitchen. I don't even know what to do with myself! Where are they coming from????

5. My trip to New Orleans this weekend: Damn you, Hurricane Gustav!! I am not quite sure what my friend and I were thinking when we planned a trip to the hurricane destination of the country, at the beginning of hurricane season, but I'm pretty sure we were just so ready for a damn break that our tired minds just saw the opportunity to sleep, eat, read, and drink without kids. So, uh, anyone watch the news lately? Gustav is headed for my vacation spot! So, we had to cancel our reservations, and now we are going to Austin, which will still provide us with ample opportunities to sleep, eat, read, and drink without our kids, thank you sweet Jesus. Even though it's still in the state, and not as interesting-sounding as New Orleans, we would prefer not to get stuck in the Astrodome.

6. My trip to New York??? Yeah......well, our free flight vouchers are uh, not really an option. I don't even have the patience to explain why. And the tickets to any of the games during the weekend we wanted to go? Oh, how about $400+ per ticket? Shit. Now the possible plan is to go in October, and just go on a tour of the stadium, before they shut it down. I would absolutely love to see the Yankees play, but we had planned on spending the money on the game tickets, not the game tickets and the flight there. Boooooooo.

7. My younger bro did indeed move in with me. I am so excited to have him around. He makes me laugh every day, and I feel so much better knowing that he is eating on a regular basis (and more than just the $1 menu at Wendy's and McDonald's).

8. Fresca and Tequila? Absolutely tasty!!!

9. My shingles? Well, I finally don't look like I slept in poison ivy. I've still got some patches on my legs, but nothing like before. However, I still itch. And itch.

10. My little sidebar over there --------------> tells you that I have had my nose stuck in the same damn books for like 6 months. Which isn't true. I just intended to give you some reviews of the books, and well, I was busy. So, for those of you who asked:

• The Year of Fog: I loved the raw emotion of this book. My heart was in my throat while reading the majority of this book. I didn't even want to put myself in the main character's shoes. Although, I would like to think that I would be as determined and motivated as she was, to find the little girl. I was glued to the story, and stayed up way too late each night to finish it. My only complaint?-There were several chapters of the character's misery over losing the child, and how she must.find.the.child., and it got to be a bit excessive. I found myself thinking, "Okay, I get the damn point already! You lost the kid, you are feeling guilty and awful about it, and you want to find her." Sheesh. But all in all, I would recommend this book to anyone looking for some hope. (And as a side note, I did recommend this book to several fellow bloggers this summer, and apparently, the author of the book saw my comment to Shamelessly Sassy, and sent her next book to Shamelessly Sassy AND ME! I haven't read it yet, but I was all 'Sqeeeeeeeeee! I got a free book!')
• Such a Pretty Fat: This is the first Jen Lancaster book I read, after going to her book signing and meeting her. I loved it! She is so snarky and sassy, and I love her honesty. I definitely recommend this book to anyone looking for a good laugh, and also some motivation if you are looking to start exercising or eat healthier.
• Missing Mom: I started it, but haven't finished it, because I got all wrapped up in:
• Keeping Faith: I literally thought about skipping work to finish this book! Too bad I work for my husband. Damn it. This book is just fabulous! I don't want to give anything away, but I guarantee you will like this book! My only complaint was that I didn't really feel like there was enough closure at the end. I wanted a little more explained to me. But overall, love this book.

I'm reading some other really phenomenal books right now, and I'll try to be better about giving you my oh-so-informed opinion on them.

11. School just might kick my ass this semester. I've got 3 classes, but each professor apparently thinks his/her class is my only class, because holy hell! The papers! I've got papers and interviews and presentations looming over my head! So, I'm telling you this not to get sympathy, because I want to be in school, but to let you know that my postings might be sporadic for awhile. I know, I know, you are oh-so sad about this bit of news. But there are other awesome blogs you could read. Please come back though..???

12. And finally! (How many of you actually made it to the end of this boring-ass post??) Since I won Fiona Picklebottom's last Pay it Forward Contest, I need to host my PiF II contest soon! So, make sure you check back.......I'll be putting it up today or tomorrow, for sure!!

Rants (and two little raves)

Today was a bad day. Well, not so much bad as absolutely frustrating to the very core of me. I'll get to what set me off, but let me just tell you all the things that made it worse once I was already annoyed-frustrated-batshit crazy.

--I saw not one, not two, but FOUR people throw their damn cigarette butts out their car windows. Smoking annoys the shit out of me to begin with. I hate when I go to a bar and I come home smelling like ass from all the people who chain-smoked their way through happy hour. But I deal with it from certain family members who smoke. I don't complain out loud, I'm not rude, I just deal.with.it. and then go home and wash all my clothes and take a shower.
Anyway, what really annoyed me about this is that it is extremely dry around here. We had a random rainshower yesterday (the first in almost a month), but I swear it evaporated before it hit the ground. We have watering restrictions, and a burn ban. Most lawns look like hay, especially in commercial areas, and definitely along the highways. And here are ignorant asshats throwing their damn cigarettes out their window! WTF? I mean, if you can handle that shit in your lungs, why the hell can't you put it out in your damn car and handle the smell of it until you can throw it in a trash can?? I just don't get people!

-- At work, I have been trying to collect money. I won't go into detail, but it is pretty hard to get some people to pay, and I understand some of it may be due to the economy. But! Just tell me you don't have the damn money to pay me for the work we did 4 months ago, don't LIE! Annoying! Don't make me feel like I'm the pain in the ass, calling you every few days, when I am hanging on the lie YOU told ME.

-- This story bothered me when I read it last night, and I've been thinking about it all day. Do I really want to write another post about the illegal immigration 'issue' in our country? No, not really. But this story really pissed me off because the damn defense attorney for one of the defendents is actually trying to say that the victim provoked the defendents by retaliating against their racial slurs. WTF?? Are you kidding me? Grrrrrrr.

-- Has anyone else been following the jacked up story about little Caylee Anthony in Florida? She was allegedly abducted about a month ago, and her mother decided to allegedly search on her own, without telling any of her family. And then, finally, Caylee's grandmother is a bit worried, finds her daughter's car abandoned, and calls the cops. All of a sudden, Caylee's mom surfaces, like nothing is wrong, and somehow, Caylee's mom convinces her own mother that Caylee is okay-"Oh, she's probably settling down for a nap by now." And then all of a sudden: "OMG! Caylee's been missing for a month! Help!"
WTF? The stuff the mother is saying doesn't make sense. The tapes of her talking to her brother and sister on the phone from jail are odd. She doesn't sound upset that her daughter is missing. She sounds annoyed that everyone is upset about the missing 2 year old. She does not sound remorseful, hysterical (as I would be), out-of-her-mind batshit crazy that her kid is missing. And then the grandmother goes on Larry King on Tuesday, and talks about how she thinks her daughter is innocent, but then she starts talking in circles too, and none of it really makes sense. Where the fuck is the little girl???? In my gut, I feel mom is involved. I feel she ditched her. Or killed her. Very sad.

I would say that these types of news stories don't normally get to me, but they do. Every day. I don't seek them out on CNN.com or on the evening news, but they are there, every day. And it saddens me. Some days, it really pisses me off, the awful things people do. Other days, it makes me so very sad. Sad enough to want to just curl in the fetal position and cry myself to sleep. Dramatic? No. Just that empathetic.

--Lastly, let's talk a bit about censorship. I have read several people's posts about being concerned that family members, the IT department, co-workers, or bosses will find their blog. I also read someone's blog about a month or so ago, talking about how she was going to shut down her blog because her husband may very well be going into politics, and she would hate for anything she wrote to be used against him.
When I read all these posts, I commented to each of them that they should JUST BE THEMSELVES AND LET EVERYONE ELSE DEAL WITH IT IF THEY DON'T LIKE IT.
But is that the best idea? Can you really write when you feel as though you've got someone looking over your shoulder, that you wouldn't necessarily want knowing all your thoughts? I understand that when you start a blog, you are really putting yourself out there, for the 'whole internet' to see, but I think maybe it's different when you realize that your father has been checking out your blog, or your grandmother. When it's an anonymous person, you aren't worried about censorship (or at least I'm not). I'm not worried that someone won't like what I have to say, because, if you don't like what I wrote, you don't HAVE to come back, right? But when it's a loved one reading your shit, their feelings may get hurt. They may be surprised by what you have to say. And that, is the issue.
I started blogging on Myspace. For myself. It was an outlet, and I knew that people would have access, but that didn't much bother me. It's not like I was blogging about my sex life. I eventually started my blog here, because I wanted to get away from Myspace, and also because I wanted to be part of this awesome community. I wanted to reach out to others, make new friends, gain insight into things, get support. And yes, it is still my outlet, for me. And I could just as easily keep a journal, but I would not have met all the lovely women (and some men too! sorry guys!) if I had not been brave enough to put my shit out there.

So, lovely blogging community, please tell me: Do you censor yourself if you find out someone is reading your blog? Or do you just go for it, and not worry about their feelings? Or, do you go for broke and shut the damn thing down?

And here is my two little teeny raves for the day:

-- I finally won a PiF contest!! Woohoo!!! I won Fiona Picklebottom's contest! Yipeee!!! I get books! I love books! My husband? Not so much. He's sick of seeing them pile up, since the bookcase I got 8 months ago is already bursting. But: Yay me!!

--I was given a cute little blog award by Holly. Look over there ---> to your right. Cute huh? She is such a sweetheart for thinking of me, and if she wasn't 14 bajillion miles away, I would march over to her house right now, beat down her door, give her a big hug, and pinch her cute nose! And share a few bottles of wine. Or rum. Or tequila. You get my drift.

Pay It Forward contest results

I intended to put all the names in a cute hat and have my girl draw a name, but then I went to the neighborhood party, drank a whole bottle of wine by myself, ate like 2 crackers, got so drunk that I couldn't see my neighbors' faces clearly, went to Wendy's at 1:45am, only to find that my hubby's wallet was at home, watched CNN while he went back to Wendy's with his wallet, ate my Wendy's fries and little burger in approximately 4.52 seconds, drank 3 glasses of water, attempted to remove my eye make-up with something that apparently does not remove eye make-up, and.....passed out.
And dreamt about drinking huge glasses of water.

Soooooo. Yeah.

The random number generator was much easier.

That being said, commentor #18 is the winner! Dynamita, from London! I can't tell you how excited I am to get to send something to London! Fun!! Dynamita, please email me at dlwinkler@msn.com so I can get your address and all that other stuff.

More on the embarrassment of getting hammered with snooooooty neighbors after I go eat a whole watermelon and drink a few gallons of water.

Happy 4th!

No time for a snazzy, snarky, silly post today. Off to stuff my face and try to float in a pool all day.


Hope everyone has a safe holiday! Or weekend, for those of you Canadian-type-people.





Don't forget to enter my PiF contest! It ends at 11:59 central time this evening! Good luck to all of you!




"You! Hey You! Enter my mom's contest, or else!"

Tying up some loose ends

I went on vacation well over a month ago. Yet, I have not told you anything fun that I did, or showed you pictures of the adventures. Please, grab a cold beverage, and get comfortable....

First: We stayed at a hotel that was a stone's throw away from the filming location of this movie. It was beautiful (the hotel). The filming location-not so beautiful, but still very intriguing. I love to go to very old places, and walk around all the history. So, we went. And it was all fenced off. A local told us that when the owner of the land passed away, it was sold, and someone turned it into a restaurant for awhile. Then it was closed down, and now it is in shambles and all fenced off. It is rather sad. I was hoping to do some exploring, but the best I got was a few pictures and a short walk up 3 or 4 of the steps.

Here's the movie location from my hotel. And here:

And here's the hotel from the movie set, after the hike along the shore, where we saw huge iguanas (imagine that), tons of black scary-looking crabs all over the 4.5million rocks along the shore:

Second: I mentioned that the beach was a huge disappointment. It was like kitty litter, and the undertow was unreal. So, we paid for 'a trip to the beach' on an island about 30 minutes from our hotel. The guy was really good at selling the damn 'excursion': big beaches, delicious lunch, free drinks, monkeys, maxin' and relaxin'. He failed to mention: we had to take a little boat from the shore (not a dock b/c they don't have one), with the unreal undertow and huge waves, with no life jackets....we had to take this boat to a big party-style-boat out in the middle of the ocean, and transfer from the little boat to the big boat. That might not sound like a big deal to you, but we are not the most in-shape bunch. My FIL had back surgery about 8 months ago, my MIL is as light as a feather, my mother is, well, a klutz, and HELLO??-My daughter is a toddler!!! To say the least, it was stressful.

So, we survive the transfer, and make the 30 minutes trip to the 'island'. It was beautiful, but I have no pictures of it. Don't ask.

We got to the island, which conveniently had a dock (Thank goodness), and we sought out some comfy chairs. The sand was much more like real sand,and even had shells! My girl played in the sand until her swim-diaper was so full of sand she could barely walk. The drinks were weak, and I was somehow voted 'designated parent' again, so no loss there, I guess.

It was pretty obvious that this was not a natural landscape, if you get what I mean. It's not like the monkeys, parrots, and sea lion all lived there on their own. People could go snorkeling with a sea lion that they pulled out of a cage, put on a small boat, and brought out to a group of snorkelers a couple of hundred yards off the shoreline. I was a bit miffed that they actually had it in a cage.

Then came the little 'whistling ducks'. They were cute, and we were able to hand feed them little meal worms. But were they in their natural habitat? No. The guy with them, the 'trainer', said he had raised them since birth, and they lived with him in his home. Cute, but again, not really authentic, ya know?:

Then, the monkeys. Or should I say monkey. On a leash. That they took out of a cage. Sigh. He was adorable, and had such beautiful colors, but it bothered me that he wasn't just hanging out in his own habitat. Here's the little guy, that chattered, and spent 5.2 seconds on my arm before smacking my girl's hand and jumping back to his 'trainer'.

(The look on my face comes from my noticing that he had a bright green butt).

There was also this beautiful owl named Frida (again, not in her natural habitat), but by then, my camera's batteries had bit the dust again. My mom has a picture of me with her. I love owls. Not enough to collect little owls or get an owl tattoo, but they are gorgeous, and I've got a Springtown story or two involving an owl (or two).

Here's the normal-looking crab that I pissed off because I followed him around trying to get a decent shot for my girl:

And here's the teeniest, tiniest little hermit crab ever, that my sister tried to pull out of his shell because 'his shell is pretty'. That went over well, let me tell you. :

(Sorry it's blurry. The little guy was smaller than my pinky nail, but he moved like a bat outta hell!)

So, that was the beach excursion.

Third: (I told you to get comfortable)

My mother, sister, my girl, and I decided we wanted to go horseback riding. We all love horses. The same dumbass that sold us the beach trip sold us this one. He told us several lies: a--we would go into the hills/mountains, and also along a beach; b--my girl could ride on the horse with me due to her age; c--my sister could ride on the horse with my mom, due to her nervousness; d--it would be fun.

So, we wake up early, and we go down to the lobby, where the bus is supposed to pick us up. No bus. So after about 30 minutes, they call a taxi for us, which will supposedly take us to the bus. We get there, have to pay the taxi (when all transportation was supposedly included in the price), and there is no bus. NO.BUS. So then we have to get in another taxi, to another bus station, where holy hell, the bus actually exists!

About 10 minutes into the trip, the AC on the bus stops working. No problem-it's like 86 degrees, and the bus has windows. Yipeee.

Then the exhaust starts backing up into the bus. So we all get high and light-headed. Weeee.

Here we are on the bus, getting high:

We are almost there when the 'guide' tells us to look to our right: 24 hour, all-inclusive hotel, ahem, PRISON. Did anyone watch Prison Break this past season? (Helllooooo, hot men on that show!) This prison was a spitting image of the one on the show....lots of guards, next to no roof, lots of sand, and no hope.

And guess where our 'horse ranch' was?? Yeah, you guessed it: next to the prison. Damn sure didn't see that in the brochure.

When we get there, we find that there is no beach, that my girl cannot ride with me, my sister cannot ride with my mom, we all must wear helmets (they actually gave a motorcycle helmet to one guy with a big head! WTF??), except my girl, because 'We don't have any small enough for her'. WTF?

The upsides: The food was awesome. The horses were sweet. The scenery was breath-taking.

The downsides: My horse didn't want to listen for shit. The 'walk along the river banks' was really a walk through small, muddy puddles. The 'hike through the mountains' contained climbing on rocks at a 45 degree angle. The fear that there was a prisoner on the loose, trying to hide in all the damn rock and dust and spindly trees.

(Oh, and my camera had to be shoved into a plastic bag with a water bottle, since there was nowhere else to store it on the horse. Let's chat about that a second: I had to hold the bag in the same hand that I was holding the rope. And it kept falling in my lap, between my woo-ha and the saddle. So, if you don't see where this is going, you haven't read enough about my lack of luck...with the constant trotting, the water bottles um, exploded, um, all over my woo-ha area, and um, I looked like I pissed myself. Oh, and um, the camera? It sorta stopped working for a bit. )

My girl got her 'very own cowboy' because she was so small. She had to ride with one of the ranch hands. Which, I was fine with, because I had watched him with the horses prior to us getting on, and it was obvious that he knew what he was doing. But, my girl was a bit uncomfortable at first. Thankfully, my sister got the dumbest horse ever, who was quite literally bringing up the rear, and my girl and her cowboy were right next to her. My mom's horse was a lazy ass (ha!), so she was back there too. Mine? She didn't give a shit what I wanted. She kept trying to get ahead of the same 2 horses, come hell or high water (or low water, in this case), so I didn't really get to ride next to my girl. She loved galloping. So, here's my view:

Notice the dust? Yeah, that's my horse's fault.

And my girl? On the way back to the 'camp' for lunch, she fell asleep on the horse. No, really. Proof:

She was OUT. Poor cowboy had to hold her for the last 20 minutes of the trip, because she was leaning. He got a good American dollar tip from me. Contrary to the look on his face, he was so kind-hearted about it.

So yeah. That was the horseback riding trip.

Fourth: The contest! Don't forget to enter my contest! It ends at 11:59pm, central time, on July 4th. And go to Swistle's site and enter everyone else's PiF contest.

Fifth: My lovely pre-eval for boot camp is next Saturday. Torture, I tell you, torture. I will be weighed, measured, pinched, prodded, and I'm sure I will leave feeling like a damn cow (with a cute haircut).

Sixth: Fourth of July plans, anyone? I will be sunning myself at my in-law's on Friday, watching fireworks with my girl and my dad Friday night, going to lunch with Kristie on Saturday, going to a neighborhood party Saturday (woohoo! Just what I need-alcohol and new neighbors who are my parents' ages and older! That oughta give me some blog material, huh???), and a girl's trip to the fabric store and maybe dessert on Sunday with Jill. I'll probably end up the designated parent at most of these things......

And SEVENTH: This is the best thing of all!!! I got my very own 2008 Jeep Wrangler Unlimited 4 door, 4x4 this weekend!!! It's dark blue, it so pretty, and it only had 72 miles on it! I am soooo excited! And? I got a 4 inch lift on it today!! Woohoooooo! I have wanted one of these since I was like 17! Only took me 13 years. My girl? She loves it! She says she likes 'her' Jeep. I promise I'll have pictures soon. Yipeeee!

And on that note, I shall end this novel of a post, and take my lazy ass to bed. Happy Wednesday everyone!

Pay It Forward Contest, minus the stupid flip flops

So, Swistle had this great idea to do this continuous Pay It Forward contest, and I am soooo in! It's pretty easy. Here's how it works:

--Leave me a comment. That's all it takes to enter.
--My contest ends July 4th. No worries that it is a holiday. I won't be announcing the winner until Sunday, the 6th.
--I will throw all your names in a hat and let my girl randomly pick a winner.
--I will send the winner a package after I go shopping at the Dollar section of Target (KIDDING!) .
--The only thing the winner needs to do is Pay It Forward by then hosting their own PiF contest on their blog.

Sounds fun, huh?

When I told my mom about this, she said, 'Wait, this isn't like the flip flop thing, is it?' and burst out laughing.
My response: 'Oh.my.gosh. I forgot all about that! I soooo have to blog about that!'

A couple of years ago, while living in Springtown, and simultaneously biting my nails to the quick out of boredom and loneliness, a friend sent me this chain letter. However, it wasn't of the recipe or dishtowel variety, it involved flip flops. All you had to do was mail a pair of flip flops to the person at the top of the list, and then send the list out, with your name on it, to 5 people. Then they mailed you flip flops, and put their name on the list, and..you get my drift?
So, being the shoe whore that I am (yes, yes, I am a shoe whore as well as a book whore), I fell for it.
I went to Old Navy and bought a cute pair of flip flops and mailed them out. And then I waited for my flip flops to arrive.
And waited.
And waited.
And.
Waited.

Each day, it became a joke for my mother to call and say 'Did you get your flip flops?' and then hang up in a fit of giggles.

Finally, I received a package in the mail. I tore open the envelope, and....
the flip flops were purple and pink, and totally not my size.

A couple of days later, another package arrived. These were black, and had cherries on the top part. Big, plump cherries. WTF?

I never received another pair.

My friend Kristy, who is a sucker just like me, fell for the stupid chain letter. Bought cute flip flops at Target, and waited. After a few weeks, she got a pair of flip flops in the mail. They were bright pink and had this humongous red flower/bow on the top. Like, so big it covered your whole foot.

That really made my mom giggle.

It just annoyed me.

And then my mom threw her logic at us, which surprisingly, was pretty logical, damn it:

'You could have saved a lot of money, and just bought your own pair of cute flip flops.'

Damn it.

So, my promise to you is that I will not send you stupid, ugly flip flops. If I happen to send you flip flops, I promise they will be of the normal and cute varieties (Unless you are a guy, of course, and then they will be of the normal and simple varieties).

Tell me: What was the silliest thing you fell for?