Things have been nuts lately. For one thing, I'm having chest pains, which is not really a good thing at all. It's just slight, and I'm pretty sure it's due to stress. But considering I have had some heart problems for 18 years, and I had heart surgery 5 years ago in July, I can't take this stuff lightly.
I have been stressing about my husband's health, stressing about a few of my clients, stressing about my mother, sister, and father, & big time-stressing about my brother. I actually felt all tight and stuff in my throat while on the phone with him the other day, and that hasn't happened since I was pregnant with Grace, and my father kicked my brother out of his house. This crap is serious!
So anyway, I don't want to get into too much detail, but let's just put it this way: my brother has bad luck. B.A.D. L.U.C.K. Not just a tiny bit 'Oh, I got a flat on my way to work', but BIG TIME 'I got pulled over by the cops, he gave me a ticket for speeding, expired registration, then decided to do a sobriety test, made me walk the line, searched my truck, found nothing, impounded my car, and left me on the side of the highway at 11:30 at night'.
As my sister put it: 'If he needed to swim in the ocean, the waves would go flat'.
It's just unreal. It just keeps going and going and going, and I know there is only so much I can physically do, and it is TORTURE! I think I know how parents feel about their teen, to an extent. It's just nuts.
On a different note, but still stressful for me:
My husband really needs help at his office. He owns his own business, and his secretary is leaving. He works a ton of hours each week, and there is no possible way he could do her job as well. And there is no way that I can do my job and be his secretary, because my current boss is a bit uptight, shall we say, about money, budgeting, billing, and just how many minutes of your time you give her each week. She is a bit of a time nazi. I don't mean this harshly (not really), but she would not be willing to let me work from my husband's office 2 days a week, work for him, and also do all documentation for that job as well. It just ain't happenin'.
So......I've been thinking about it since last week, and I have made my decision, although it is a hard decision in some ways. I love my clients. They have kind hearts, and I feel such positive energy when I am around them. I don't want to be away from them. At the same time....
Here's the rundown of my current job:
~only 7 miles from home
~the work itself is so very easy & un-stressful
~positive experiences with clients
~I took a more than $10,000/year paycut
~I was promised health insurance when I accepted the job, and then a month later was told they weren't getting insurance. All you have to do is read about my daughter's ankle to know that I MUST HAVE INSURANCE. And have you ever looked at individual policies!? Highway robbery (that's the old woman coming out in me)! $346/month for the 3 of us, and it's a PPO, but it's an ADDITIONAL $373/MONTH if I want maternity coverage. Did you get that? Go back and read it again, slowly. I'll wait for you to catch up.
~There is office drama that is so very annoying. Such as: guardians pushing some of us around, an employee that I strongly suspect is an alcoholic, and she works directly with the clients (let me remind you that I work with clients who have special needs, like cerebral palsy, autism, down's, etc.)
~I feel like people don't give my experience, expertise, or opinions any credit, because I am younger than all the other employees there. I say things, and they look at me like I have 2 heads, which I really don't.
~My boss is a time and money nazi. I understand owning your own company is stressful, and you need to really count your cents, but SERIOUSLY??? MUST you ask me 'Is that billable?' every time I do something, anything, including spin around in my chair or pick my nose???? Come on!!!
~There is constant chaos. And I do chaos rather well, but it is shit that doesn't need to be chaos, and my boss will get in a tizzy about something that really isn't serious, and then look at me like I have 2 heads again when I don't go all nutso about it like her. Everything DOES NOT have to be drama. We really could run this more smoothly if we didn't get all up-in-arms about someone using half a jar of jelly on their p&j sandwich.
~Did I mention the chaos???
~Did I mention the paycut?
Oh yeah, I did.
I have decided to quit. Not because I am a quitter. But really:
My husband's job/company is our livelihood. He is very successful, and all in all, his income pays the damn bills. Mine pays stuff, but not like his. And he needs help. I have to be supportive. I must. I would not be proud of myself if I didn't help him.
I will make the same amount working for him that I am making now. Plus, I'll only work 3 days a week. And here is the BIG ONE!! (drumroll, please):
I can go to grad school in the fall and not worry about juggling a social work job while doing social work courses!!! I will do a construction job (well, all the paperwork/money stuff that has to do with it, anyway) and not be stressed out beyond my limit by the time I hit the classroom each evening.
Is that not the greatest!? I am so very excited about that part!!!
But I am dreading tell my boss. I am dreading telling my clients.
Wish me luck.