DST and 'Who is my leaf fairy?'

I seriously have issues with Daylight savings time. I mean, I like it in theory, but not in practice. I am sooooo t.i.r.e.d. I am a night person, really not a morning person, and now I am one hour off. I can't seem to make my body understand that it is now 11:40pm, not 10:40pm, and that I will now be getting up an hour earlier, essentially, and it will still be dark out, which is okay, since it is light so much longer, and I love the fact that it stays light out until like 9pm in the summer, but then i stay up later, which makes me even more sleepy and prone to throwing my damn alarm clock across the room the next morning, making me late to work again, making me look like a lazy ass idiot who can't be responsible and get to work on time, which makes me feel dumb, and crabby, and i'm behind all day at work, so i work later to make up for that f-ing hour i overslept this morning, and then I get home later, and i feel guilty that my kid was with me one less hour today, so i let her stay up later, hence, i'm up later, and........
ack! it is just a f-ing mess!
and then i start run-on sentence typing. What a mess. What a hot mess, as my co-worker would say.
So really, why the hell do we do it? What really is the overall benefit of this shit? Someone help me out here, because I am sleeeeeepy but all jacked up. I feel like the VCR, flashing the wrong damn time.
Anyway, so.
I have not really introduced you to my mother yet. She is a gem. She is wonderful, and not just because she is my mom. I'll give you a brief rundown, just so you understand what I am going to tell you in a second. Here goes:
she is funny, great sense of humor, very positive for the most part, a smart ass, one of those fun women you can go get hammered with, she is sympathetic just when you need it, she will kick you in your ass when you really need it, she tells you both what you want to and need to hear, all at the same time, she is loving, she is giving, and...
she is a bit brain-damaged.
No. really.
She has suffered from a handful of strokes since I was about 12. So, she is a bit different or unique. But I love it.
So, she bought her first house this summer. Well, her first house since the first 'first house' she bought with my father back when they were married a long, long time ago. And it has been so exciting for her! We painted her living room, dining room, kitchen, and my sister's room, all within the first week of her moving in. My brother recently started some work on her flowerbeds, and she got a big dangerous trampoline put in her backyard. Yeah to home ownership!
So this winter, when all the leaves fell out of her big tree in the front yard, they seemed to pile up, all on their own, in the very center of her yard. Grace and I kicked leaves everywhere a number of times. Yet, every time I would go back over to her house, the leaves would be in a huge pile, centrally located, shall we say. I didn't really think anything of it.
But then, about a month ago, as my mother and I were trying to drag my daughter and sister into the house, my mom looked at me and said 'Where the f--- are all my leaves?'
Uh, I promise I didn't take them. You can go check my yard-My trees have like 3 leaves put together, and my magnolia lost and re-grew leaves all on the same day in the Fall, so it totally wasn't me. Sheesh.
But then I look in her yard and realize she is right: there is not one single leaf in her front yard. Not one! No little strays lying on the steps, caught up in the bushes, in the flowerpots. Nada. Nothing. Zilch. Zero.
So we look on the sides of her house-nothing.
We look at the neighbors' yards on either side of her-nothing.
Now, I promise I'll give you a story a month about my mother's sense of humor, so you get an idea of just how exciting it is to have her in my life, but for now, I just have to say that my mother and brother pull stunts on each other all the time. So she says 'Do you think Matt came and got rid of the leaves to see if I would notice?'
My brother lives in San Marcos, like 3 hours south of here. No, I don't think he did that. I wouldn't put it past him, but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't waste the gas on your f-ing leaves, mom.
Next question: 'Do you think your dad came and raked my leaves as a favor?'
I'm not even going to explain why this could possibly be an option. It's just too complicated, but no, it wasn't my dad either.
Next: 'Do you think the neighbors did it?'
Uh, no. They suck.
So, next: 'Did you take my leaves???'
Ackkkk! Please see my response above. I hardly have time to shower more than twice a week, let alone clean my entire house all in the same week. What makes you think I would have the spare f-ing time to wast on raking every damn leaf in your yard??? For fun??? For a laugh??
There are absolutely no leaves in her yard, and I am empty-handed, and out of explanations.
So, my mother tells me: 'I have a leaf fairy! How nice! I wonder who it is?'

I am utterly confused. Could someone please bring the leaves back? It is just too much of a mystery for my tired ass to figure out!!!!

1 comment:

Swistle said...

Oh, uh. Sorry. I thought she was done with them, honest!

DST, it's for farmers, yeah? Something about so they don't have to get up so early to take advantage of the light. But now it's traditional. And I say we should BE DONE WITH IT. It was so nice getting up with the kids and having it be LIGHT out already, but now it is DARK again.

Hey. The word verification is making an INAPPROPRIATE SUGGESTION. NO THANK YOU, word verification! I am a happily married woman!