My friend April

Today is my friend April's birthday. I wanted to share a bit about my good friend.

We met through a mutual friend about 6 years ago. (Funny how neither of us are friends with that person anymore. I still keep in touch with that friend, but we have drifted, and I found that we don't have much in common anymore.)
I was sitting at the the kitchen table of said mutual friend, and in walked April. She immediately sat down next to me and introduced herself. I knew right away that she was nothing like the other friends of said mutual friend. They all made me feel uncomfortable, self-conscious, and quite frankly, ugly.
But not April.
We talked and drank for hours. She was warm, kind, and laid back. She still is. Apparently we talked about Hooters (the restaurant, not the assets) and alcohol, and we got a little tipsy.

And that was the beginning. Over the course of the next year or so, we went downtown Fort Worth to various bars (and witnessed the drama that is all of mutual friend's). We got stuck in the middle of some random fist fight between two very large grown men who were fighting about different branches of the military (asses). We also began watching The Bachelor together. Each week, we would cook dinner and dessert and yell at the TV when the hot (but stupid) man made the wrong decision, over and over.
Then we went on a weekend trip to Austin with said mutual friend. I made about 4,000 jello shots. We snuck them into a bar in our purses, and proceeded to get very drunk. And constipated (note: please don't eat 4,000 jello shots in 1 night-you will not shit for a week).
And April did not laugh at me when I got the hiccups in front of lots of people I didn't know. And she did not laugh at me when I kept saying, "Jeez! I never get the hiccups!!-Hic-"

I moved to Springtown about a year after we met, and we didn't see each other as much. No more nights of watching The Bachelor together. She got serious with a hockey player, whom she ended up marrying.
April moved to Austin. I had Grace. I missed her wedding (and I'm still sorry about that, April). Then I moved back to civilization, and she moved to f-ing Mississippi!!!
But NOW, she is back! And I'm still in civilization, and we live literally 3 minutes away from each other! I am very excited about that. Yet...
we have only seen each other once. We have busy lives! (Yeah right-that's why I'm always belly-aching about being bored)

Here is why April is important to me, and why I call her friend:

She makes me feel comfortable in my own skin. She doesn't judge me. She is laid back, but also very straight-forward. She will tell you exactly how she feels, what she thinks, but not in an abrasive way. She is funny, smart, motivated, and hardworking. She cares about her family, and takes good care of her friends too. When I talk to her, she acts like what I am saying means something, like I matter. We can not see each other for over a year, then meet up, and we get right back into the groove of things. She doesn't take any shit from people. She has my back. She has no idea how happy I was to meet her, especially after meeting all the friends of said mutual friend, and finding that they were all like the girls I hated back in high school. She is real, and loyal, and a good person to party with (not that we do that anymore!). And the girl likes TO EAT! I love my friends who love to eat! It's no fun to go to Olive Garden and only have one bowl of salad and soup, when you can have 4.

I only hope that I can be as good a friend to her, as she has been. I can only hope that we will stay in touch and hang out, if she moves out of the state again. I can only hope we will someday be old, walking down 6th Street in Austin, with jello shots hidden in our purses, eating pizza slices at 2am.


Damn the elements!

This evening, on the back porch, taking in some fresh air, as is pretty par for my girl:

My girl: 'Mommy, I hungry'.

Me: 'Okay, honey, what do you want?'

MG: 'I want a snack!'

Me: 'What kind of snack would you like?'

MG: 'I want.........'

Me: 'Sigh'


Me: 'Dramatic.'


And they're off!...

This past Saturday, I went to the horse races. It was the first time I had been to the racetrack here in the Metroplex and I was extremely excited. Oh, and it also happened to be $1 day. $1 admission, $1 parking, $1 programs, $1 hotdogs, $1 sodas, and BEST OF ALL: $1 BEER. I'll give you a few seconds to re-read that and catch your breath.

Hi. You're back already?

So, anyway-$1 beer is what drew my husband, and I have to say, it was the first non-child event I've gone to in awhile, so the beer was a big draw for me too. I planned on going Kentucky Derby style (a la Big Floppy Hat), but I ran out of time. So, instead, I pulled on a pretty orange sundress that showed off my best assets , (and no, those aren't actually my assets, but close-I try not to show them off too often, but the fact that they are big isn't such an easy thing to hide!!!), slipped on some flip flops, and off I went! And it was A BLAST! I had such a great time!
And I was sooooo not into big bets, but I came out a winner! I won $28.60! Woohoo! Don't spend it all in one place!!
(But I did-I spent it, along with gift cards, at one of my favorite-est stores, buying clothes for my vacation).
Oh, and while I'm chatting about the store, let me show you what I got: this (and YES, for cripe's sake, I bought a damn tank top to go under it, so my f-ing assets aren't falling out on the table)
and these and these and this!
And yes, I totally realize that I am not a teenager anymore, and nor am I a 'junior' and that I am 30 f-ing years old, but I love this store. And it's cheap. And the shoes are cute, cute, cute!!!

I totally want to go to the Kentucky Derby someday. Before I'm old and gray and decrepit (although my hubby, after a few dozen $1 beers, so lovingly pointed out that he thinks he saw a gray hair on my fuzzy head. WTF? Hello, drink another one. Sheesh, I should have made time to buy the hat, so the fuzzy gray hair wasn't blowing in the breeze. )

(ps. I do not have gray hair. end of story.)

And prior to going to the races, I went to another kind of race Saturday morning. I have been doing this walk for about 7 years, and my friend Kristy and I try to make it to both the Fort Worth and the Dallas ones. The turn-out for this one was HUGE! Usually it is the Dallas race that is a bit overwhelming (what, with it's 400,000,000 women in pink), but I think Fort Worth is catching up! So we walked the 5K at a brisk pace, up and down hills, in beautiful weather, and my ass and calves are still sore! So does that mean I get to skip a work-out tonight???

Hell no.

Because I have 20 lbs. to lose.

And I'll just leave that nasty little subject for another blog. Don't even get me started.......


What's in my make-up bag, and why the hell do I still look like hell??

So, I stole this meme from this snazzy lady, and I love stuff like this, because I just mentioned recently how much I love beauty stuff. Actually, I was reading In style from like November at the doctor's office the other day, and I was writing down all these snazzy things they were suggesting. i love beauty stuff. That being said, let's get this over with.

Okay, a rundown here:
-Mac concealer, that I use as a base for my eye makeup
-Mac eyeshadows in various 'blah' colors
-ID Bare Minerals-All over face color and Bronzer
-Flirt! eyeshadows-one in an awesome green and another in a great purple
-eyelash curler that is so damn old-I really need to buy a new one
-Fake eyelashes that I have worn twice, but really like!
-Rimmel eyeliner (no point in spending $20+ on eyeliner, in my opinion)-in black and brown
-Rimmel lipliner in some odd color-Don't even know where it came from! but it does the job
-CG mascara
-Mac mascara (hate this crap! the brush sucks)
-Lots of eyeshadow and blush brushes
-Dove eye cream


I love this! It is Two Faced Brow Envy, if you can't read my blurry picture. It has 4 different brow shaped stencils to shape your eyebrows, two brow powders, tweezers, wax, a brow brush, and a defining pencil. It is great! I have always had problems with bushy eyebrows, and even more problems with keeping them under control, and this kit totally helps.

I have not always been such a Sephora whore, but apparently I am lately! I love the lip liner and lipstick because it stays on. I use the Sephora Professional lipgloss at night, and it works awesome. I just bought Mocha lip shine (because I'm addicted to lip gloss), and it's decent. The Rose Salve is WONDERFUL!

-Sephora make up remover-It works good, but dries out my already bone-dry eyes.

-Garnier daily serum and Ultra-lift eye serum

-Quick Thinking make up remover pads. Love them!

-Botanics facial mask

-ROC microderm pads. I just bought these, so I don't know if they are really working or not. I do like how clean my face feels after using them, but I don't see a difference in my crappy skin texture and tone yet.

Well, that's about it. Like I said, I'm always craving new beauty stuff, so if anyone has any great finds, let me know!


Big Texas Hair

I am not one to spend too much time, energy, and money on beauty supplies. Don't get me wrong-I tanned for a couple of months so that I don't look like a damn ghost, I do spend some money on decent make-up, and I try to get a haircut every 2 or 3 months. I would love to spend more money on great beauty products, but I usually cannot justify it. Which explains why I have had the same hair dryer for 12 years. Yes, I said 12 years. It sucks. Well, actually, it blows, to be exact, but it really doesn't do much else for me. My hair is naturally curly...and fuzzy. My hair dryer is so old that the diffuser is one that you have to attach to the end of the dryer. Not that it fits, or stays on. When I do use it, I have to hold it on. Anyway, it's worthless too, because my hair is still fuzzy when I'm done with the mess. So back to the hair dryer--It smells like burning hair. It makes an odd noise. It fuzzes my hair more than necessary.
My other beauty necessity: my curling iron. It's 13 years old. Or, I should say, it was 13 years old. It finally broke last week. I sure do get my money's worth, huh? I guess I just look at some things as, if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Well, it broke, and it sucks. So, I had the bright idea to use my mom's Velcro curlers after I got out of the shower last night. I figured, what the hell-how bad can it be? I tempted the fates, didn't I? So here I am with the curlers (please ignore the close-up, sans make-up.):
Scary shit, huh?
So anyway, I slept in them. Or attempted to. It figures it was the first night that my throat didn't feel like someone had raked it with a fiery fork and then thrown acid on it. So, I tortured myself with trying to find a comfortable position with those damn Velcro curlers, which kept sticking to my pillow.
This morning I used my useless dryer to make sure it was really dry. I ripped the curlers out (think of the sound Velcro makes when you tear it apart). And this is what I got:

Wait for it....

Wait for it.....


Hair spray, sexy head-shaking, spray gel, slick-down-the-fuzz crap....and this is the result:

Big Texas hair. Beauty pageant hair. Big, fake-looking, bounce-a-ball-off-the-top hair. Not really what I was going for. Not sure what I was expecting, but I can tell you it was not this.

Tomorrow I am going to buy a new curling iron, and soon, after my first paycheck, I will be purchasing a good hair dryer. What I need from all 2 of you is advice!: What brand of hair dryer do you use? Does it work great!? Please help! I cannot do another day of fuzzy curls pulled back in a bun, and I simply cannot do another night of sleeping on curlers for the result to be big Texas hair (even if I do live in Texas!). HELP!!


I am slicker than owl shit! [& more savvy than I thought!]

So, really, how the hell do we know owl shit is slick, and why is that a something anyone would want to say? Someone enlighten me, because I am a damn Yankee who just doesn't get some of these southern phrases.

But, I digress.

I am obviously more savvy than I thought, because look what I have for you! The 2 pictures from my cell phone! Apparently, if you plug a USB into my cell phone and my printer, the crap prints! Is that crap-tastic, or what? (whole lotta crap talk this post, huh? Sorrrrryyyyyy.)

So, I present: my girl's cute little whale on her cute little face. Notice that the blue waves around her mouth look a bit, shall we say, slimy? That's due to her licking her face!

On the upswing

I am so glad to tell you (all 2 of you) that I am finally getting better! Of course, it didn't have anything to do with going to the doctor. I waited 3 damn weeks to finally go to the doctor, and he ruled out strep throat, but not shingles. I have lovely sores all over the back of my throat and in my mouth. I have a history of having the shingles inside my mouth and throat, so who knows? He prescribed some strong-ass antibiotic, which I haven't picked up from the pharmacy yet. But before I even went to see him today, I woke up feeling better! Swallowing is bearable! I actually ate a small sandwich today! Yipee for small victories, I tell you. So that is my miserable excuse for my lack of miserable posts lately.

- - - - - - - - - - -

This past weekend the hubby and I took my girl to the Main Street Arts Festival . I'm not sure what I was thinking by dragging the hubby there, because he is very claustrophobic, and it is pretty much a clusterfuck in a sardine tin. There was good music, and my girl enjoyed cotton candy, a hot dog, and spitting both back into my water bottle. MMMMmmmm! We were going to get a few beers, but apparently all the other sardines had the same idea-the lines were outrageous! So we opted for the short line for sweet iced tea instead. Wow-are we party animals or what?? Anyway, we hardly looked at any art b/c of the damn crowds, but I did glimpse one of my favorites from years' past. I only wish I could afford a few of his pieces. I would love to have one small room with lots of windows and wall space to put some of his stuff on. Inspirational for me, when it comes to writing.
But the highlight of the day was waiting in line for over 20 minutes for the face painting booth. Brutal. The hubby kept trying to convince me that we could paint her face at home and my girl would never know what she missed, but I can't do that! (I can only lie to her when I put her to bed at night and I tell her I will be right back to lay with her...and then I don't go back in her room. Evil, I know, but seriously, self-preservation is an absolute must for a parent's sanity. And is it my fault that she trusts me so much that she believes me, night after night??) So she couldn't decide what she wanted, and I really didn't want her to walk around with any of the scary shit I saw all day. My girl cannot walk around with a red and black spider web all over her face-so sorry, all you Spidey fans. So, we opted for a cute pink and purple whale to match the one on her little shirt she was wearing. I have to tell you that the teen that painted it was amazing. Not amazing like 'wow-you're an awesome artist', but amazing like 'how the hell can you stand painting on the faces of sweaty, stinky, squirming little kidlets all day?' He was even pleasant to talk to! So, the whale lasted all of 10 minutes after it was put on. Thus, no pics to post. She kept sticking her tongue out to lick her cheek (ick!) and then she started rubbing it all over her face. I got two snapshots with my cellphone camera, but I am not savvy enough to get those pictures on this computer.
So, did anyone else have an exciting weekend full of face paint & sardines? Please, make me jealous with all your non-children activities!


All week long I practically ache for the weekend to come. I mean, my work week is not hideous, and for the most part, besides my child's never ending whining, clingyness, and cough, the most difficult part of my week is trying to figure out what the f--- I'm going to cook for dinner. Seriously, I have minor frustrations pertaining to my immediate family, and stresses surrounding being a parent. But other than that....
I can tell you all the blessings in my life. And I have many, I know.
A roof over my head (and a nice one, at that!). My health. My family. A good head on my shoulders. The ability to buy things I need and want. A healthy beautiful charming toddler. I have food, my bills are paid, I have a job......
blah blah blah, you get it. I am lucky, blessed, etc.
But. (you know there is always a but, right?)
So, when the weekend comes, I almost always feel a bit disappointed. Not to say that I am hard to please, or that I am wholly unhappy. I am happy, and I am not a difficult person to make happy.
However, for the past couple of years, I have had this feeling, that I haven't really been able to put my finger on. It has taken me about the past year to figure out that this feeling has a word, and that word is: discontent.
And funny, I've been thinking about this discontent this evening, and I decided I would go read some blogs, hoping to find something to make me giggle (it's usually not very hard). And I did find things to make me giggle, but I also found several blogs talking about being content. Content with life, content with her body, her husband, her job, her place on this planet. And I find it ironic that I am feeling so damn discontent, reading the blogs of all these happy-go-lucky beautiful women who are just so f-ing content. God surely has a sense of humor.
There are so many things that I am proud of, things that I love, people that I love. I am so very lucky. So why the hell am I not content?
I sometimes wonder if it has anything to do with being a Pisces? Or maybe it's just my personality in general? Or maybe I'm a whiny bitch? You choose.
I don't really know what it is, but it is miserable. It is what wakes me up in the middle of the night, out of a deep sleep. It is what nags at me during the quiet hours after everyone in my house is breathing evenly, and dreaming. It is what claws at me in the early morning, when I am trying to get out of bed to start my day. It wraps itself around my legs, and I get caught up in it.
And I truly have no idea why.
Like I said, I don't have anything major to complain about. My family is safe and healthy. I have some very good friends. I don't have a friend that just passed away. I don't have a sister recovering from breast cancer. I don't have a terminally ill parent or child. I am not ill. I am not alone. But this.... restless desire or craving for something one does not have....it is still here. Deep in my chest.


My advice for the day

My advice to you is this, and listen (i.e. read) very carefully:

Do not, under any circumstances, attempt to pee while you have a seemingly-never ending coughing fit that brings tears to your eyes.

And, if, IF, IF you decide that you are gonna go ahead and ignore my advice, may I just first off say 'I told you so!' and then let you know that the following is sure to happen:

You will cough as you pull your pants down. You will cough as you hover your medium-sized ass over the toilet. You will cough so hard that tears come to your eyes, making it impossible to see a damn thing (including the possibility of any germs on the toilet seat). You will have the fleeting thought that you may very well puke your yogurt and tuna fish lunch right there on your extremely cute shoes. Due to your 1 hour and 15 minute work-out Monday evening, your legs will be shaking to begin with, but as you cough, you will lose your balance, and land your ass directly onto said toilet seat. Which wouldn't be so bad, except you know you were the last one to clean it, and NOT the last one to use it. And of course, you will have already started peeing, because really, you wait hours before you finally break down and go to the bathroom in the first place. Which means you will have wiggled all the way down the hall to the bathroom, which means that you were practically peeing when you pulled your pants down and began to hover. Which means, when your ass hits that seat, you will pee all over your legs.
And you will be lucky enough to have some spare toilet paper around. You will not be so lucky when you are using said toilet paper on your black pants. But! you will be lucky enough to be wearing pants you got for $5 on the clearance rack at Kohl's last year, so who the hell cares if you have little toilet paper fuzzies all over them? And you will be lucky enough that you are the only one in the office, so no one hears you snort, snot, sniffle, and cough your way through the rest of this little incident. Or fart, because REALLY how can someone cough THAT long and THAT hard without pushing some extra air out of somewhere else????

That's my advice, and if you choose not to take it, well, that's what may just happen to you.

(And in reference to my last post: NO I was not able to put my feet behind my head, but I damn sure tried, and I just don't suggest it.)


Flexibility my ass....

Right now my arms are shaking like a bowl full of jello in an earthquake. I can hardly type. Let me just say that me, my screaming hip bones, a Pilates DVD, a stinky rubber band that smells like, well, rubber, and hardwood floors don't get along all that well. Not only do I feel like Gumby right now, but I smell like well, rubber, and I'm not so sure the last 40 minutes have done anything for my flexibility. I'm gonna go try to put my feet behind my head now, and I'll tell you how it goes.


Seriously? I mean, come on. Another damn night of stormy weather, trying to sleep in uncomfortable positions, my kid screaming.......What the hell have I done to deserve this???

I am so tired right now, that I don't think I can type in complete sentences. I am going to throw some psycho-analytic stuff your way, and let you try to figure out my whole 'stream of consciousness' blubber:

2am-Lightning, thunder so loud it shook me awake, electricity out, screaming terrified toddler.
2:02am-Husband snoring, hail, 60+ mph winds, toddler whining about being held in just the right way.
2:04am-Scream at the husband, tornado sirens, still no electricity. Tornado? Who the hell knows, because seriously, after 3 damn years of 'severe weather' while living in Springtown, I still have not invested in a damn weather radio.
2:20am-Toddler is hungry, I am sweaty with no air circulating in my house, my husband is going back to sleep.
3:00am-Pop Tart crumbs all over my side of the bed, spilled milk on my pillow, still sweating.
3:10am-Husband is snoring, toddler is bossing me around.
4:00am-Snoring husband. Talking, coughing, bossing toddler.
5:00am-Snoring husband. Snoring toddler. Both appear to be comfy, cozy. I, on the other hand, am curled up in a ball in some unnatural position, with about 4 square inches of sheet, no pillow, and the toddler's arm wrapped tightly around my neck.

Today, I can't turn my head to the right. My neck just won't give. My backyard is flooded....again. My toddler is still coughing, sneezing, snotting, and is extremely whiny. I am worn the hell out. My body aches, I have a little itch in the back of my throat, and yet....
it was I who was lying curled up in a ball in some unnatural position next to my toddler's crib this evening, as she coughed, coughed, coughed.

Oh, and I can't handle "Cool Burst" Tylenol Severe Congestion. Right now I have two little icy-hot bean-sized rocks lodged in the middle of my chest. How exactly does that help my stuffy head, stuffy nose, sinus pressure????

Off to bed I go, to dream of night-time fairies who will forgive my transgression when I stomp their asses and burn down their little fairy huts.


The night-time fairies and other annoying b.s.

So, I would have posted this last night if it were not for the fact that I worked until midnight and I was worn-the-hell-out by the time I realized I was dozing on my laptop.
First off, the cast is off. My girl is cast-free! She is a scaly, hairy little thing with a limp, but there is no longer a cast! She cried about peeling, and didn't think she could walk the whole first day. Saturday night she finally walked and turned back to me and said, 'MOMMY, I can WALK!' with this incredulous smile on her face. Well, DUH.
Sunday night was a real bitch. I must have pissed off the night-time fairies or something. I'm not sure how I got on their shit list, but if anyone has their phone number, I would really like to call them and ask them what the hell I can do to get back into their graces!! Anyway. Sunday night: Grace had a fever, choking on her snot, and was up allllll night crying, coughing, and yelling at me that 'my nose is RUNNNNNNNING!' I ended up sleeping on the floor in her room most of the night, if you can call it that. My 30 year old ass and joints cannot handle the hard floor. I was walking around like a 90 year old woman all day Monday.
Monday night: Ahhhhh. Silence, after she screams for 25 minutes because I WILL NOT lie down on the floor next to her bed until she falls asleep. About 2 seconds after I settle into my covers, she starts choking on her snot again. Like, to the point of major gagging. Lovely. This led to another night of being up alllll night, pretty much.
Last night: I working my butt off last night on some paperwork. I even turned off the TV, even though I wanted to watch a few of my recorded shows (my new unnecessary evil is The Bad Girls Club). And the entire time, it rained and thundered. I seriously thought it was hailing a few times. And my daughter has a bit of an issue with thunder. She tells it to 'go-way!' and says that it 'is not bery nice' and needs to 'go in the trash!' So I kept flinching every time I would see a flash of lightning, just praying that it wasn't followed by a big clap of thunder...which it was, of course. And each time she would wake up and moan "Momma", which would cause me to freeze and hold my breath until I was blue or she stopped moaning.
So after I discover the drool on my laptop, I go to bed. And about 2 seconds after I pull the covers up to my chin, a huge flash of lightning fills my room, and....you guessed it!-Thunder! Lots of it! Grrrrr.
The night-time fairies suck, because allll night long, it rained, hailed, and thundered, and alllll night long, she woke up, moaning "Momma" or screeching. So.....allll night long, I was jolted awake by thunder and my girl. And really, it must be the whole mother gene that makes me wake up at the slightest sound coming out of her room.
So. Three nights in a row of shitty sleep, tense shoulders, holding my breathe, and.....my f-ing husband snoring his ass off in the bed, not missing a damn wink of sleep. What the hell is up with that??? It is sooo unfair.
Maybe the night-time fairies are male? What have I done wrong? Why must I be plagued with stupid shit that stresses me out all night long, when this is the time that my body should be relaxing and recharging? Sheesh.
More on my husband:
When he plays his PS3, he tends to forget about everyone and everything around him. But! His radar is on when it comes to my getting up. I will get up to go to the restroom, or get a drink, and as soon as my ass is about 2 mm off of the couch, he says:
"Can you hand me my drink?" (which is about 4 feet away on the end table)
(First off, we've been married almost 8 years, so I don't know why I would expect that he would say 'Please'. But really, come on, I am not just some lady getting you your shit, I'm your wife. )
So I usually get the damn drink for him, but lately I have been bitching as I do it:
"Seriously, you were just up half a minute ago-you couldn't get the damn thing yourself?"
Or: "It is 4 freakin' feet away from you! Get it yourself!"
So I say some variation of that tonight, and he replies:
"Well, that's not very nice. I thought we were supposed to do things for each other?"
Ha. Please don't make me beat you to a bloody pulp.
"What the hell ever, Cockatoo." (his hair was sticking straight up on the top of his head)
"Shut up, Saggy Boobs".
Nice, huh?
I'll be happy to stay up all night tonight if it allows me the opportunity to smother him as he snores and dreams of some hot blonde with un-saggy boobs. (Oh, and by the way, every damn time I tried to take a picture of his crazy hair, he would close his eyes like the flash was more than he could handle. Dork.)


I asked for it

So, I spent a good hour reading blogs last night, and went to one of my favorites (and I'm not just saying that to win a[nother] reader), and giggled at her recent blog . I commented back, and gave her one useless fact about me (at her request, of course!). My useless fact caused me to get tagged, so here goes my meme.

The rules:
1. Link back to the person who tagged you.
2. Post these rules on your blog.
3. Share six unimportant things about yourself.
4. Tag six random people at the end of your blog.

#1: I absolutely cannot walk around barefoot without first putting lotion on after a shower. My skin is very dry to begin with, and my feet are even worse. Just the thought of my clean feet on the tile gives me goosebumps. I have no idea why.

#2: I apparently have foot issues because I also cannot fall asleep with my feet under the covers. Especially a comforter. My feet feel weighed down and trapped.

#3: I've never smoked pot. Or smoked a cigarette.

#4: My thighs get red & itchy when I work out.

#5: I once went to the emergency room to have a tiny little, Barbie tennis ball removed from my nostril. I was about 3 at the time, and Barbie and Ken had a mean tennis match going on, and somehow the ball ended up in my nose. And my mother still likes to joke that I had Ken's balls up my nose.

#6: During a visit to Cali to see my friend Natalie, I got so damn trashed that the last thing I remember was falling off the picnic table I was dancing on, and my final vision was sideways (as I lay half on/half off the picnic table): Natalie doing a silly lap dance for this 300 lb. kid. (sorry, Nat, I sorta threw an unimportant thing in there about you too!)

Nothing exciting, really, but plenty for you to make fun of, I'm sure!
I guess I'll tag 6 people, and if you don't have a blog, just leave them on my comments.
Let's see if I really do have 6 damn readers:

1-Momma K
2-Mr. Chris Spencer, please stand up.
3-Kristy, my fun friend who feels my Being-a-mom-can-really-suck pain.
4. Jill, my longtime friend who also feels my Being-a-mom-can-really-suck pain.
5. Psst-Amanda-tag, you're it!
6. Nat-here's your chance to get back at me for telling your little stripper secret. :)


T-minus 14 hours and COUNTING

Well, April 4th is finally ALMOST upon us, and I truly think I am more excited than Grace. I just really can't wait to see her little bird leg without the cast, and even more so: she desperately needs to soak in a bathtub, for like 4 hours. Or 4 days. I need to see those hands and feet turn into wrinkly little prunes. She has not bathed since February 21st. Well, let me re-phrase that: She has not bathed in a bathtub since February 21st. We do the whole torture ordeal once or twice a week: make her lie on the kitchen counter, hold her down like we are about to give her a shot, and then wash her hair. As she screams, cries, shrieks, squirms, and all sorts of other things that start with the letter 's', I do a half-assed job of wiping her down with a washcloth. Have I mentioned how much she doesn't like to be held down? Or have water sprayed on her head? Who is this child? She can't be mine!

So tomorrow we get the cast off! Yipeee! It is dirty, stinky, and is falling apart on the bottom of her wee-little toddler foot. And she has a helluva callous on her big toe, so I have my work cut out for me if she thinks she's going to have pretty toes this summer!!

During 'The time of the Cast', we have converted her crib to a toddler bed (of sorts), converted the toilet to a constant toddler potty, and given the final binky to 'the new babies'. My baby is really becoming more of a little girl. She even left her little blankie at home yesterday, and it was I who was hyperventilating when, as I dropped her off at daycare, I discovered it was not in the car, and oh my gosh I must go back and get it now! She didn't even notice!!!! So I'm thinking we might really graduate to the stage of leaving that nasty, not-so-pink blankie at home.

With all this growing up shit, I guess I'll just admit it, outright, that I'm having a bit of baby fever. Holy crap. Did I really just type that??? Shit.

But my lack of patience, and my huge frustration level, and various other personality issues, really do scream to me that I am not ready. But oh......the smell of a baby's head, the way they curl up in your arms like a little ball of love, the way they sleep on your chest with the booty sticking straight up in the air......

But no. No babies right now. My system (read: sanity) is already about as high-strung as it can get, and I need to give myself a break before I throw a baby into the whole mix again.

But those little baby sighs when they have a full belly and have just drifted off to sleep......

On to other real-life dilemmas...

I was finally 'allowed' to tell my clients today that my last day there is next Wednesday. It was pretty painless for the most part, but two of my non-verbal clients gave me the finger in their own ways: One stared me down and then turned her back to me, and when I went to touch her arm and sign 'Sorry' to her, she snatched her arm away; and the other was sitting next to me when I told everyone. She looked at me,then got up and moved to another table.


Shit. Shit. Shit.

And then one of my most favorite clients simply said, "This is an April Fool's joke, right? Tell me right now that this is a joke."

It was a replay of when I left my first position at CPS. It hurt like hell to tell all of those kids on my caseload. All those kids who had me as their caseworker for 4 straight years (which is eternity for CPS!). I dreaded telling them. My stomach was clenched, and my mouth felt like I'd just eaten a bucket of sand. What I feared most was hurting them, not that I would hurt. And that is how it was today. I am a people-pleaser, and I hate to see those I care about hurting. I will do something that ultimately hurts me, if it helps a loved one. Nuts, I know, but that's just me. Take it or leave it.

So, the end of my work week was filled with a teeny bit of regret at leaving, but I am forcing myself to look at this opportunity as a blessing:

I will be able to help my husband in ways that he has not allowed me to in the past, I will get to spend more time with my husband on a daily basis, hopefully my abilities as his secretary/assistant will ease some of his stress, and I will hopefully have less stress in my life.

Ha. Did I really just say that? Wow, I am amazing myself with my boldness tonight.

I shall leave you with some pics of the girl, in various stages of smiles and undress. Oh, and don't you love her grape-balancing abilities?