T-minus 14 hours and COUNTING

Well, April 4th is finally ALMOST upon us, and I truly think I am more excited than Grace. I just really can't wait to see her little bird leg without the cast, and even more so: she desperately needs to soak in a bathtub, for like 4 hours. Or 4 days. I need to see those hands and feet turn into wrinkly little prunes. She has not bathed since February 21st. Well, let me re-phrase that: She has not bathed in a bathtub since February 21st. We do the whole torture ordeal once or twice a week: make her lie on the kitchen counter, hold her down like we are about to give her a shot, and then wash her hair. As she screams, cries, shrieks, squirms, and all sorts of other things that start with the letter 's', I do a half-assed job of wiping her down with a washcloth. Have I mentioned how much she doesn't like to be held down? Or have water sprayed on her head? Who is this child? She can't be mine!

So tomorrow we get the cast off! Yipeee! It is dirty, stinky, and is falling apart on the bottom of her wee-little toddler foot. And she has a helluva callous on her big toe, so I have my work cut out for me if she thinks she's going to have pretty toes this summer!!

During 'The time of the Cast', we have converted her crib to a toddler bed (of sorts), converted the toilet to a constant toddler potty, and given the final binky to 'the new babies'. My baby is really becoming more of a little girl. She even left her little blankie at home yesterday, and it was I who was hyperventilating when, as I dropped her off at daycare, I discovered it was not in the car, and oh my gosh I must go back and get it now! She didn't even notice!!!! So I'm thinking we might really graduate to the stage of leaving that nasty, not-so-pink blankie at home.

With all this growing up shit, I guess I'll just admit it, outright, that I'm having a bit of baby fever. Holy crap. Did I really just type that??? Shit.

But my lack of patience, and my huge frustration level, and various other personality issues, really do scream to me that I am not ready. But oh......the smell of a baby's head, the way they curl up in your arms like a little ball of love, the way they sleep on your chest with the booty sticking straight up in the air......

But no. No babies right now. My system (read: sanity) is already about as high-strung as it can get, and I need to give myself a break before I throw a baby into the whole mix again.

But those little baby sighs when they have a full belly and have just drifted off to sleep......

On to other real-life dilemmas...

I was finally 'allowed' to tell my clients today that my last day there is next Wednesday. It was pretty painless for the most part, but two of my non-verbal clients gave me the finger in their own ways: One stared me down and then turned her back to me, and when I went to touch her arm and sign 'Sorry' to her, she snatched her arm away; and the other was sitting next to me when I told everyone. She looked at me,then got up and moved to another table.


Shit. Shit. Shit.

And then one of my most favorite clients simply said, "This is an April Fool's joke, right? Tell me right now that this is a joke."

It was a replay of when I left my first position at CPS. It hurt like hell to tell all of those kids on my caseload. All those kids who had me as their caseworker for 4 straight years (which is eternity for CPS!). I dreaded telling them. My stomach was clenched, and my mouth felt like I'd just eaten a bucket of sand. What I feared most was hurting them, not that I would hurt. And that is how it was today. I am a people-pleaser, and I hate to see those I care about hurting. I will do something that ultimately hurts me, if it helps a loved one. Nuts, I know, but that's just me. Take it or leave it.

So, the end of my work week was filled with a teeny bit of regret at leaving, but I am forcing myself to look at this opportunity as a blessing:

I will be able to help my husband in ways that he has not allowed me to in the past, I will get to spend more time with my husband on a daily basis, hopefully my abilities as his secretary/assistant will ease some of his stress, and I will hopefully have less stress in my life.

Ha. Did I really just say that? Wow, I am amazing myself with my boldness tonight.

I shall leave you with some pics of the girl, in various stages of smiles and undress. Oh, and don't you love her grape-balancing abilities?

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