My vaccuum listens about as well as my toddler

I have one of those snazzy iRobot Roomba's (like http://store.irobot.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2898148&cp=2501652&parentPage=family this) (FYI-why the hell can't I seem to make links look neat and tidy???). It's awesome. It was an awesome Christmas present (despite my off-hand comment that you don't give your wife a household appliance for any holiday-sorry, hon) and I adore it! So, if you aren't familiar, the Roomba basically vaccuums for you, and you can schedule it to do it's thing while you are gone. It's greatness. It sucks like the little sucker it is.
Today I worked the last part of my day at home, and I figured, 'What the heck? I'll go ahead and have my Roomba do his thing.' So I pushed it's little clean button, and proceeded to sit in my chair and get some work done. The entire time, all I heard was the constant buzzing/sucking/spinning of Mr. Roomba. I figured it wouldn't take that long, but boy was I wrong. I watched that sucker go around my couch like 3 times. And try to eat my curtains, at the same window, about 12 times. So, smart girl I am, I started to talk to it.
"Get your ass over here."
"Dust bunnies in this direction, smart guy."
"Dude, are you seriously going to clean under the couch again???"
"Oh for the love of Pete!!! Get your ass in the kitchen!"
"Oh cripe...."
Do you think Mr. Roomba was listening to me? No. He kept going about his way, as he should, but seriously, I totally wanted him to vacate the premises of the living room and suck up the dried pasta under my daughter's chair. I picked him up and put him under her chair.
He came back into the living room. Frick.
I ended up picking him up 3 times, and strategically putting him directly on top of the dirt in the kitchen. I finally got sick of the whole thing, (and of bossing around an inanimate object), that I pressed the 'Dock' button on him, which means he is supposed to comply and march his ass straight to his charger in the dining room. Did he comply?
Hell no.
He kept sucking/spinning/buzzing, and always back into the living room.
This went on for well over an hour.
I ended up picking Mr. Roomba up, and told him he was going to time out. I placed him on his charger, and do you know what he did?
He back-talked me, just like my dang toddler.
'Beep Beep' with blinking lights.
Interpretation: 'Screw you lady-vaccuum your own damn floors if you don't like how I'm doing it!!!'


Chris Spencer said...

I wish I knew why I find it clever when someone gives inanimate objects thoughts and feelings, but I do. This one had me rolling and i'll be giggling about this one for a while.

Chris Spencer said...

Ok, I wrote the rebuttal. Hopefully it doesn't make you mad...if it does, let me know.