And then....she (almost) died

I know you all think I've fallen off the face of the planet, and in a way, I sorta have. I have dropped my ass into the middle of grad school, and let me tell you, I love it. I love polarized opinions in one room. I love getting to know new people. I love throwing ideas around with other who have the same passion as I do. It is reaffirming, confirming, comfortable, and motivating. I feel like I belong.
I'm only taking 3 classes this semester, but apparently I picked the three classes that love to give projects and papers. Argh. I like these much more than exams, but at the same time, other things are going to fall by the wayside. Such as my reading. And writing. And blogging. And the washing of the dogs that keep trying to make the great escape out of our backyard. And cooking dinner. And reading blogs. Hell, I won't even tell you what Google Reader said this morning when I opened 'er up, but let me just say this: I have not heard such an evil giggle since watching Jeepers Creepers. I am not quite sure what to do about this. I don't want to delete it, or just 'Mark all as read', but at the same time, holy hell-Do any of you work, or are you just full of shit to write about and have the damn time to do it every.single.day!?!
Please know that I will read as much as I can of your blogs (Yes, I am talking to YOU!) , but I might not have the time to leave you any comment love, and we all know how much of a comment whore you are (Yes, still talking to YOU!).

I have a new friend, who I knew in high school, but we didn't start talking until a little over 2 years ago, so she's not really a new friend, but, errrr.....hell, you get my point!
Anyway, her birthday was yesterday, but I have to wish her a happy birthday here, just like I do for all my other close friends, because I love her to death. She is sweet, kindhearted, and funny. She introduced me to Dooce (online, not in person). She was pretty much one of my only readers when I blogged on Myspace. She also encouraged me to move my ass over here, and leave Myspace blogging behind. She stands by her convictions. By all that I have seen and read, she is a great mom. I am motivated by her. And, she has the most precious toddler I have ever seen! He has such an awesome smile, and these great chubby cheeks that I just want to nomnomnom!!!! So:

Happy belated Birthday Kristie! I'm hoping we get to share lots of Dirty Thirties' birthdays with each other!


And now, the drama.
Because Hurricane Gustav is a nasty biatch, my trip to New Orleans was cancelled. Sigh. So, I went to Austin instead. Had great intentions of getting hammered, stumbling all over myself like an idiot (drunk stumbling, not the sober stumbling I do on a daily basis because I am a total klutz), but I keep forgetting that I am no longer 19 or 20, and at some point, my body just shuts down-"Not doing it. Need a bed. NOW."
So, I don't have much to tell you about my adventures on 6th street. I did get drunk floating the Comal River, and that is where I almost died. Well, drowned. Almost.
And I was dead-ass sober. No, really.
And this is why I'm surprised anyone will give me a life insurance policy.

So, there's this little waterfall, like maybe 3 foot tall. Everyone says "Don't go down it-You'll flip out of your tube." To which I say: "Piss on that. I'm going."

I go down it, and the current is out of control. I don't flip out of the tube, at first. But I'm stuck right in front of this raging 3 foot waterfall, and it sucks me in. So, I flip over (Piss on you!), and....
proceed to drown.

Seriously, I could not get up for air. I have never almost drowned. I've been swimming since I was about 2. I have never been scared underwater. I kept getting sucked under. I swallowed half the damn river. And I had the fleeting thought "Well, isn't this some bullshit", and then some hippie pulled me up out of the water, put my arm on my tube, and said..... (wait for it....)

"You can touch bottom here".

So, I put my feet down, and holy hell, he's right.

I almost drowned in 5 fucking feet of water.

How's that for embarrassing? Oh, and when I finally open my eyes and push my wet mop of hair out of my face, I notice that my bikini top isn't...quite....right. Like, it's sideways. Sorta. Hard to explain, and NO, I did not take any pictures of this shit.


What a way to start a relaxing float down the river, huh? I sure do make my mom proud, let me tell you.

The other excitement, because I am such a graceful lady (and also a glutton for punishment because I know you guys are going to laugh at my expense, yet I'm telling you anyway):

Walking down 6th street in some sexy heels. Wearing my skinny jeans (and not skinny, as in skinny legs, but skinny as in 'I can't wear these jeans when I'm chunky'). Been downtown maybe 10 minutes. And....
I walk out of one of my heels.
And I turn around and the heel of the shoe is stuck in the little space in the pavement. I mean, STUCK.
Again, I was sober.
Again, some old hippie must shame me. He says, "That was funny!", and when I tell him I'm sober, he says "Well, hell, I need to follow you around, because if you take shit off when you're sober, I definitely want to see what you take off when you're drunk! Like that country song-Tequila makes her clothes fall off!"

[And then he asks me if I like tequila.
To which I reply, "Oh yes. Tequila is a friend of mine."]

Anyone else done embarrassing shit in front of strangers? Don't make me stand alone here, with one shoe on and my bikini all sideways and shit.


Don't forget to go here and enter my 2nd PiF contest. Ends on Sunday!!!!


Anonymous said...

So THAT'S where you've been. I was starting to wonder...

As for embarrassing stuff...I have never done anything embarrassing in public. Ever. Not once.

Now...you better get reading MY blogs 'cause YOU have a lot of reading to do! LOL

Li'l Foot's Mommy said...

HOLY COW!!! That's scary!!!

Hmmm...embarrassing...let's see...nope, can't think of a single thing! HAHAHA

Jill Watkins said...

Thanks for the laugh- glad you are ok!

Kristie said...

Thank you for the birthday wishes! I'll see you in mere hours for lunch and then again tomorrow for dinner! :)

And I almost drowned in 4 feet of water before. It's so mortifying, isn't it?

CP said...

This is SO funny- minus the almost drowning part, of course. Except? Since you didn't drown? It's a little funny now. Does that make me an awful person? That I laughed when he said you could stand up?

Jenn Martinson said...

I was gonna chat about my weird weekend, but you WIN!

Jason, as himself said...

Funny stuff!!

And at least you have a full life! Good luck with grad school.

And, whore that I am, I will understand if you don't comment. I guess.