The Day the Cows Came Home

With all of the hubub over the fence and the cows' interest in wandering off, the hubby and I decided that the best way to keep an eye on them was to bring them into the house. Now, I wasn't so sure of this idea at first, but it seems to be working itself out. But it has sure been a crazy couple of days!

First off, herding them into the house was quite the chore! My husband was outside with his shotgun, hootin' and hollerin' and making all kinds of a ruckus! The neighbors sat out on their porches drinking martinis and eating biscuits while we ran around in the front yard in our overalls yelling at the poor bovines. They must have got a good laugh out of it later, that's for sure! Meanwhile, we finally managed to get the cows in a line and march them through the front door. It sure was a sight, all of those cows and calves marching in!

We made room in the basement and in a spare closet in the bathroom. Needless to say, the cows weren't all that excited to have such a small space in which to spread out, and considering what private animals they are, they definitely need more space! So hubby decided he was gonna build onto the back of the house as soon as I get done with my 42 hours a week of school. I figure if we add on in the back, we'll have more time to party in the front!

But for now we are forced to adjust. So hubby and I are loaning out a closet to 2 of the cows and Betty (who we have named after our neighbor. She ADORES Betty! Maybe a little TOO much...if you know what I mean...). This should enable him to get his sexy on and should cut back on the price of the pay-per-view porn that we rent every week in the privacy of our bedroom. Then we are allowing some of the calves to room with my girl. She seems okay with it...even if the calves are a little messy and have a tendency to spoon a little too much.

The only real issue we seem to have is with the amount of food that these animals consume. It might just make us go bankrupt! God knows its making my shingles flair up again! So we have sat down with Betty and his bevy of lady friends and we are working out a payment plan. We figure, if they were to chip in with maybe $50 per cow, we could pay for everyone to eat AND have a little left over for snacks! Plus...if they were to help on the mortgage payment with a payment of $150 a month, it will help in paying off the addition that we are planning. They seemed a little put off by the whole notion that they should have to contribute. It was OUR idea letting them stay in our home, right? However, after hours of deliberation and much mooing and braying (wait...what's that DONKEY doing in here?!?! Just a second...)

Okay...where was I? Oh yeah...So anyways, they are all set to pay up. They're not happy about it, but we have it written in the contract...so it's all a go.

Anyway...I'm exhausted and my husband is passed out on the couch. My gGirl is playing with a few of the calves in the living room. I think they're watching "Chicken Little" for the 12th time today. Whatever...as long as they get their homework done! I have 8 papers due tomorrow and a geology test on the affects of cow manure in our environment. Should be fascinating stuff! Check in tomorrow and I'll set up a webcam so you can watch all of the cows at play!

And BTW...I was recently nominated for the "Internet Cow Of The Year" award! Several bloggers nominated me and I have accepted! All I can say to this is..."YES"! It's all coming together people! It's all coming together...


Anonymous said...

? Whaaaaa ?
You stole my rum again didn't you.

Anonymous said...

You have cows in your house? WTF I thought you had your brother?

WTF..whatever you are smoking; I want some.

Misty said...

What the......

You have cows in your house? Really?

What about their poop?

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! Awesome. Yet again you made me laugh out loud when I really needed it!!