A conditioned response

We were professional acquaintances. He was tall, handsome, full smile, warm eyes, a kind open face, although I didn't know any of this at first, since we only spoke on the phone. All professional, but small chit-chat at times. For well over two years, I only knew him by his voice.

When I met him, again, for work-related purposes, I was in awe. He did not look at all like I had imagined him to. Sorta like when you only know someone through their blog, and then when you actually talk to them on the phone, they sound nothing like you thought they would. But when you think about it, what would they have sounded like?

During this meeting, I felt his eyes on me. I tried not to flirt, but it just sorta came out. We talked about so many things, getting to know one another, all in one day. We all had to have lunch together, and he cracked me up (a theme here: all the men I have loved have cracked me up). He was smart, funny, outgoing, loud, polite, sexy.

We were (are) both married. Nothing inappropriate was ever said or done. We never addressed the spark, the connection, the feeling, except with our eyes.

He left the job for a better opportunity. He sent me an email, telling me it was a pleasure to work with me all these years, and that he would miss me. That's it. I didn't expect more, and am happy there wasn't more said. Because then it would be out there, between us, in our minds, and I don't think I could have handled that.

I'm not the cheating kind. I adore my husband. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I was put in that situation. I am typical Pisces-I am this way, and then that way. I am wishy-washy, so torn by each important decision I must make, feeling the balance of my world tilt, wobble, and fall back into place.

I left my job a couple of months later.

This was 2 years ago.

But this song, it's my bell. It rings, and I respond the same way every damn time. I think of him.


Badass Geek said...

There are a couple of songs that I can't listen to without having similar situations brought to the front of my mind.

It hurts, but in a wistful way.

Auntie Em said...

Haven't we all this lovely memory at least once in our lives? I am sure it is very much a part of who we are and will become.

Anonymous said...

Wow. Now I don't feel so bad about my little crushes...Thanks DL!

TUWABVB said...

Never heard that song before, but I love it!

Also haven't had a flirty yet harmless relationship in years. Sigh.

Jenny Grace said...

I have songs that I can't listen to without very specific people/events coming to mind.

Anonymous said...

Badass Geek: Wistful, for sure.

Auntie Em: Yes, I agree.

alntv: LOL. Please don't feel bad about your crushes. I think they are healthy and helpful.

tuwabvb: Oh, you! You need to go have a harmless little flirt/crush!

Miss Grace: Me too, me too.

Biddy said...

yet another thing we have in common. there are songs that i absolutely cannot listen to because they remind me of someone i haven't seen in 5 years. actually, there are lots of songs that take me back to different people...funny how music does that