GTT-Getting on my nerves is NOT advised

This week's discussion is about our pet peeves. Oh, my, do you really want to get me started on this? Herrrrrre goes!:
1. Crunching ice-It drives me batshit insane when people crunch their ice. Seriously, just suck the shit, will ya? Or, better yet, just leave it in your damn glass so it can do it's job keeping your beverage cold.
2. The misery that is clothing sizes-And I don't just mean women's sizes either! First, what about kids's sizes? Is it just me, or do most 3 month olds wear 6 month clothes? And the 4T-5T-size 4 phenomenon? What the fresh hell is going on with that? How is it that size 4 pants fit perfect (in length) on my girl, but 5T pants are too long? Yet, sometimes it's the other way around? Also? What the hell is up with the difference in juniors and women's sizes? Why am I a size 8 in women's, but an 11 in juniors? Why am I a medium in a women's top (most of the time), but a f-ing XL in a junior top? Way to make me feel like a tub o' lard, fashion industry.
3. Being woken up & talked to or poked & prodded-And yes, I do mean that 'poked'. I love my sleep. Please don't wake me up and have a long conversation about stuff (see last week's post about my girl's middle-of-the-night ramblings). Don't expect me to make a bit of sense if you ask me where I put that one piece of paper with the random phone number on it, or why I left the light on in the entryway (FOR THE DOGS, by the way). And for the love of all that is sacred, please don't expect anything sexy or fun-loving if you want a little action at 3am.
4. Arrogance- This includes those that think their shit don't stink because they have a shit-ton of money. Need I say more?
5. When people take up more than one parking spot just because they can-Really? I mean, you love your toyota corolla so much that it's necessary to park fucking sideways? Sigh.(And I'm not knocking the corolla, I swear, so if you have one, rest-assured I don't care one way or the other.)
6. People who chew with their mouth open &/or take ginormous bites-This one really really REALLY annoys me. Dude, cut your damn food up and take a human-sized bite! You really don't need to shovel it in like that, all at once. Also? I don't want to see said baseball-sized bite rolling around in your mouth, and if you spit on me one more time....I'm gonna lose my shit.
7. People who are constantly WOE IS ME-I just can't handle it. Look, you make your own reality in the sense that YOU have control over how YOU handle your life. You can be joyful, feel happy about YOUR BLESSINGS, look to the future, etc., or you can be Debbie Downer, bitching about every fucking aspect of your life, never seeing the positive side. Also? It's not all about you. Quit fucking making every little situation ABOUT YOU.
8. People who are insincere-No patience for it.
9. When my dogs spend 20 straight minutes licking themselves-Bahhhhh! I don't want to hear you lick your empty ballsack another second! Or your damn paw! You haven't even walked yet this morning, so what could you possibly have on your paw that needs licking???
10. When someone thinks they are the expert on something & they are non-stop shoving it down your throat-Yes, I get that you lived in another country for 14 years and you know alllll about such and such because of it, but is it necessary to constantly tell me? Or how about the person who has to pipe the fuck in your conversation, "Oh, I've been there." "I've done that." "I know what you're talking about." Shut it.
11. Using a wet towel-When I get out of the shower, I don't want to use the towel that my hubby just used an hour ago. It's damp. And it has nothing to do with it being his towel, or anything like that. It just oogs me out to use a damp towel, regardless of who used it last. Of course, I don't go apeshit when it happens; I just use the damn towel anyway, with a slight scowl.
12. When people just don't get the fucking point-So, I'm kind and sweet and don't like confrontation; we've established that. However, when I sweetly defer or say 'No' or blow you off, I am really screaming in my head "NO MEANS NO MOTHERFUCKER QUIT BEING A CREEP". I very rarely say these words outloud; I'm just that way. But that DOES NOT MEAN that said creep should take advantage and CONTINUE TO BE A CREEP. I'm talking about people who get touchy feely when it makes me uncomfortable. I'm talking about people who KNOW I'm a social worker and talk shit about poverty, single-parenthood, other races/ethnicities, the President, etc. I'm talking about people who obviously fall under #4 (with or without the money), and think they can get away with shit just because.
**If you are confused, read Holly's post. If you read her post and got all red-faced, then YES, we are talking about you. Even her post was what could be called "nice", but if you continue your shit, we will not be nice.**


Jenny Grace said...

Oh god the ice crunching! THe ice crunching!!!!

Megan said...

WTF is it with the clothes sizes???? I went to by my kid pants and had the same freaking issue. I seriously wanted to kick someone.

also, i keep a throwable object close to me at all times. If the dog licks for more than 2 minutes, he gets hit. I tell him that he has no nuts, so its not like he is going to get a happy ending.

linlah said...

Oh to the woe is me makes me think oh woe is me for having put myself in a position to listen. ugh

Briya said...

The wet towel? Totally my husband. You HAVE a towel, please...use that one. Not mine.

Diane said...

Wet towels? Eeew. That dog licking itself sound? DOUBLE EEW. It makes my skin crawl just thinking about it.

(P.S. Don't forget to add your post to the Mr. Linky over on the main post so everyone can see it!)

Gunfighter said...

Fortunately, my face didn't heat up at any of this... I think I'm ok, there.


Tara said...

Well, I agree with everything except the ice crunching. I'm a cruncher. They say it's a sign of sexual frustration and yes, I can vouch for that...... I'll try to crunch quietly next time. The other stuff though? Totally with you on that.

Sarah said...

AMEN. And the dogs licking their empty ballsacks and whatnots? LMFAO.

Janie Woods said...

Bwahahaha! I love you!! *thud The dog thing--my fucking Shepherd does it constantly. Makes me totally batshit crazy at 2 in the morning.

And that towel thing? If I find a wet towel hanging up I freak. I have four men in my house--I am NOT using a wet towel behind them. Every towel goes into the laundry-the only "environment be damned" flaw I have.

TUWABVB said...

Didn't quite understand what was going on with the situation that Holly wrote about, but I hope everyone is okay! And by the way, we share SOOOOO many pet peeves - it's uncanny!