Can you feel the love?

Although I am a crazy busy woman right now, there are several things that are keeping me somewhat sane right now:



1. The First 48-I know I've mentioned this before, but seriously, if you haven't watched this show yet, you are missing out.

2. Honey Almond Black boba tea-I get one every Wednesday, after I struggle through the hell that is my 2nd class. This stuff is just lovely, hot or cold.

3. The weather!! It is fanfuckintastic these days!! I have my top off on my Jeep (Pervs! You were thinking I meant something else, huh? Especially my confession, right?), and it makes me smile every day.

4. The last of the summer fruit-peaches, blueberries, and watermelon.

5. Chocolate-covered sunflower seeds.

6. My husband's sense of humor-Granted, sometimes I want to throttle him, smother him with his pillow, or flick his nose, but lately, his smart ass stuff has really made me laugh.

7. My brother-Having him live with us has been fun so far. He makes me laugh, he's easy going, and I adore the guy.

8. My daughter-Here's a rundown of the things she has told me lately:

~"Mom, you are SUCH a beatdown"

~"Let's share"

~"When I grow up, I will be the mommy, and you will be my baby, and I will put you in time-out if you say 'Shut your pie hole'"

~"Can I get married when I get bigger?"

~"Mommy, I love you."

~"Momma, you make me happy."

~"You are so smart to go to school."

~"I told the dogs that if they better stop barking, or you are going to kick their ass."



Yes, she has my mouth. I do really well around her, but sometimes a 'shit', 'damn', or 'ass' slips out, and guess who apparently sucks it up like a sponge??? That's my girl!

What's keeping you sane lately??

More evidence that I need a life insurance policy, or....I must have a death wish

I'm not sure why I continue to tell all of you how much of a complete and total klutz I am, but here I am, about to give you a good belly laugh on this beautious (in my area, anyway) Wednesday.

I apparently have some deep-rooted death wish.

My hubby has a truck with a 6 inch lift on it. I wear flip flops all the time. My driveway has got to be the most slippery thing I have ever been in contact with. It is also slanted. Really slanted.

How are these three things related, you ask?

Get ready to laugh.

My hubby parked in the driveway. I opened the door to get out. I put one foot on the step, held on to the 'Oh shit' handle, and stretched my other leg out to step down onto the driveway. Flip flopped foot made contact with driveway. Briefly. All weight put on this leg. Flip flopped foot touching driveway decides to stop all contact with the driveway. I fall out of the truck, flat on my right side. Hit head on step, bend wrist back trying to catch myself. This all happens in 2.4 seconds, but there is enough time for my brother, who is standing on the other side of the truck, to think I dropped my purse, and come walking over to my side, only to find me, not my purse. There is enough time for my girl to watch the entire thing, and say "Mom, why did you do that?". There is enough time for my husband to just sit there and shake his head at his klutzy wife. And me?
Oh, I just laid there, laughing at myself, because really, what else can I do at this point?

Interesting Pic

My husband is a hunter. Normally just deer, sometimes antelope, never birds, raccoons, or ducks. He sets up feeders that are timed to go off at specific times, to bring the animals in. He also sets up game cameras on his lease land. This is my favorite part of his hobby, because I get to see deer, pigs, hogs, squirrels, cows, and raccoons, up close and personal. I don't so much advocate that he kill any of these animals, but can I really tell him what kinds of hobbies to have? We do use the meat--I have deer and antelope in my freezer in the garage. It doesn't go to waste. Am I a teeny tiny bit sad when he gets a deer, and has it mounted on his wall? Well, yes. They are beautiful creatures, and I would rather see them alive. But, again, not my hobby.


I'm not telling you this so we can argue the morality of hunting. I totally don't want to get into that with anyone, especially since I don't like to get into that argument with my own hubby. I'm telling you so that you know why I would have this picture, and why I would be asking you "What the hell???":

Take notice of the two little piggies on the left, ATTACHED at the butt. This is honest-to-goodness real! I wouldn't even know how to use Photoshop!! Nor would I have the spare time to Photoshop two piggies that share the same ass! Isn't it crazy???

Dear Internet-

I have questions, and I need answers. Help a fellow-blogger out, will ya?

1. For those of you who are married-What did you do with your wedding dress? I still have mine, and it has moved 3 times, in the stupid flimsy bag it came in. It needs to be cleaned. Currently, it is in a big ball on the floor of my study, which would lead you to believe that I could give two shits about it, but really, I just don't have a place for it since my bro lives with me right now.
But, more importantly: Save it, or sell it?? I love my wedding dress, and although I know I'll never wear it again (But wouldn't it be fun to have some sort of wedding dress gathering, where we could all squeeze into our gorgeous dresses for a day, and feel like princesses again??), I am not sure I should part with it. What if my daughter wants to wear it when she gets married? Which leads me to this observation: I don't think anyone does that anymore, do they? I just don't know what to do! If I sell it, I would probably just put the cash in my girl's college fund (although...that's been losing money too, thanks to this P.O.S. economy). But, if I'm going to sell it, where? And for how much? OMG-and what if I sell it, and then 20 years from now, my girl is all "But mom! I totally wanted to wear your wedding dress!!!" That would be my luck, let me tell you.

So, Keep it or sell it??

2. I am sick of cooking the same shit, week after week. I get so sick of it that I basically avoid cooking, which causes us to eat much less healthy (order pizza, go out to eat, eat cereal). My hubby and I searched online and found some new recipes a few months ago. And most of them were great. But!!! Most of them are not the healthiest. And believe me-we need healthy around here. Or, at least halfway-decent healthy? I'm considering buying the Hungry Girl book, since I get the daily emails, and love the recipe ideas. Also considering the Biggest Loser cookbook. Anyone have these already? Anyone have any suggestions for other healthy cookbooks? Or just healthy recipes? Help!! Or I will be 400 lbs. by New Year's!!

3. Does anyone have one of those bike trailers for your kiddos? I really want one, and have done some research online, but am still not sure which one to buy. I am a bit of a klutz (putting it lightly), so I'm thinking I need one that has some uh, reinforcement (read: "bubblewrap") to protect my girl.

I'm pretty sure that's about it for now. I'm off to continue working on 4 projects all due in the next two weeks. Oh, and another one due the following week. Anyone want to help me out with any of those? Any takers? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?

a-MEN!!

Back of the bus





I saw this video in one of my classes this week. It is phenomenal to me. Several months ago, I ignorantly said, "I'm surprised no one has thrown race into this election yet." Well, shit. And then I started to hear the whispers of people (fellow students!, acquaintances, an in-law) bringing it up. Like "Why waste your vote on him-he's gonna be assassinated anyway." and "Who is really ready for a black president?"


And then I saw this:

Look, I'm not going to tell you who to vote for. I'm not going to tell you who I'm voting for. All I'm gonna say is this:

Please, please, let's look at the issues, the person's qualifications, and where we want our country to go. Let's please not bring up the color of a person's skin, or where he grew up, or if she has a pregnant teen, or if she has a special needs child, or how pretty she is, or how 'white' he acts, or what religion he is.....

Yes, I realize these things matter, to an extent. I realize that. But truly, must we bring up race? Must we act as though he is not qualified based on the color of his skin???

I will stop this rant before I get too upset, but please, click the link, and watch the quick clip. I completely agree-We should not be forcing anyone to go backwards, to go to the back of the bus. It's 2008, for the love of Pete.

My two brothers

I promised I would find time in my overly- full days to blog. I originally posted this on my first blog (on Myspace). I am slowly moving those over, and will post some of them in the next couple of weeks.

When I was younger, my parents were foster parents. They actually decided to become foster parents in the hopes that they would fall in love with, and adopt, at least one child. One of those wishes came true.
We had several little kiddos live with us over time. Two sisters that were silly, giggly, and a bit out of control. The older of the two tortured my dog for so long, that when she cornered him under our dining room table, he finally retaliated and bit her face. Stitches were needed. Not long after, my dog 'went to live on a farm', according to my mother, and it took me literally about 18 years to realize that he was put down, not sent to a farm.
A little girl who was quiet. I barely remember what she looks like; I only remember that she was found inside the cab of an 18-wheeler, hungry, cold, and afraid.
I think there were a couple of other kiddos, but it's all becoming a bit hazy now. I remember waking up in the middle of the night to the sound of muffled crying. It was always a surprise when I woke up in the morning, because I never knew if there would be a new baby, toddler, or child sleeping in one of the rooms down the hall.
L.M.* came to us when he was a little over a year old. He was malnourished, neglected, and little. He was blonde, with huge dark brown eyes, and he was a bit serious for his age. His parents were young, and his mother was actually in jail and pregnant with another child, when he came to live with us. He had a brother with special needs, who went to a foster home that was trained in caring for the medical issues he had.
Over time, he warmed up to us, and changed into this silly little boy, one who liked to laugh, loved to swing, and adored my mother. ADORED. They were very close. I was too young to understand the kind of bond between a mother and child, but I saw the love between them.
I cannot remember what his voice sounded like, and I do not know how he felt about us. I do remember he was born in January. He ate one thing at a time on his plate at dinner. He was afraid of my father. He liked to wear 'big boy' sunglasses. He had gorgeous eyes.
He stayed with us well over a year. He came available for adoption, as did his brother, and I believe my mother really wanted to adopt him and his brother, to keep them together. My mother could not bear the thought of living without L.M.
However, L.M. and his brother were adopted by someone else, someone who could care for his brother's needs, in another state.
L.M. was taken from us.

I will never forget it. I have snapshots in my mind of that time period:
My father sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of his stereo with headphones on, grief written across his face like graffiti.
My mother's tear-streaked face as we drove away from dropping him off. Her hands on the wheel, driving through a parking lot, turning back to look at L.M. one last time.
L.M., outside, screaming and crying for my mother, his mother.
His empty bed, empty room, the empty, silent house.
The lump that stayed in my throat for several weeks, the guilt that consumed me, ate at my skin until I was raw and worn down.

See, I loved L.M., but I did not always show it. I was young. I was 9. There were times that I didn't want to be bothered by him, which is normal for siblings. But I was so torn up about the fact that he might only remember my being mean to him because I was annoyed with him. I was so afraid he would not remember how much I loved to hug him, how much I loved his little feet, how much I loved him for loving my mother so much.
None of us were ever the same after L.M. Seeing pictures of him still puts a lump in my throat, and there is so much sadness in my mother's eyes when his name is mentioned.
There are many things I was too young to understand about the whole process, the entire situation, about the decisions that were made. As an adult, I understand them, but the 9 year old me is a bit angry about why it happened the way it did.
A little over a year after L.M. left, my brother Matt was born. His name is Matthew because it means 'A gift from God'. And that is what he was.
And I was so melancholy about having a brother again. I wanted a sister. Why? Not because I could dress her up in my dolls' clothes, but because, in my mind, a sister would be less complicated, less likely to break my mother's heart. Or mine.
But, he stole my heart with his serious little face. And any time I wanted to just scream that he was annoying me, I would check myself, because I knew I was lucky to have a second chance.
I jumped at the chance to feed him, rock him, change him, bathe him, parade him up and down the street.I didn't complain when he followed me around outside when I was playing with neighborhood kids, at age 3. I didn't mind that he got more presents than I did at Christmas. I loved when he snuggled on the couch with me, watching TV, at age 5. I'll never forget when he caught me watching Cujo one night, and he hid his face in my lap. It never bothered me when I would wake up early in the morning, to find not only his warm little body in my bed, but also all of his and my stuffed animals under the covers (age 7). And I have to admit that I was extremely annoyed when he hung my bras and & underwear on the ceiling fan in the living room to embarrass me in front of my friends (age 9), but I can laugh about it now.
There are other things I will never forget about my brother, which I won't detail here, because some things are just too close to my heart.
I am so thankful that we all had a second chance at having a boy in our family. I wouldn't trade him for anything, for anyone, in the world, even L.M.
I don't think my brother understands the enormous amount of love we all have for him. Or that he helped us heal. I think he gets annoyed by our love and attention, and feels we are smothering him, when all we are doing is trying to make sure we are never without him or his strong presence. We adore him. We are afraid to lose his love.

When I first wrote this, my brother lived a couple of hours away. About a month or so ago, he moved back, and is living with me while he saves up some money. We stay up late every night, snacking and watching The First 48. He regularly text-messages me funny song lyrics. He shares a very girly bathroom with my 3 year old. He lets my 3 year old call him 'Monkey Matt' instead of Uncle Matt. They chase each other around the house, and call each other 'poopy butts' or whatever other silly word my girl comes up with. I am overjoyed to have him back in town, and actually living with me. He makes me laugh, and makes my hubby laugh too. Although I am the older sibling, it is I who looks up to him.

(* I only used initials just to save us all a little heartache.)

She's Aliiiiiiiive!

Hi. Remember me? Miss me? I've missed you guys, let me tell you! Today was the first time in three weeks that I had any time to actually read blogs. My Google Reader is now down to 685. Whew. What a relief....I think??

Now, let me answer all your questions, since I can hear all four of you trying to talk over each other.

Where the hell have I been?: Well, ummm... Hidden under 4 social work 'foundation' books (2 are pretty good, 2 are hideously boring), 'reaction' papers, journal articles, presidential debates, Jon & Kate Plus 8, The First 48, 5K walks, and dog puke. Yeah, dog puke. Which, by the way, was disgustingly yellow. Too much information?

Where the hell are the Pay It Forward prizes?: Okay, so I have had them all ready to mail out, minus the padded envelopes. But I promise I am mailing them out tomorrow. I bet you don't believe me though, do you?

I've got 3 papers and 1 presentation all due this month, in addition to a midterm. But I am making it a goal to schedule some posts that have been on my mind lately.

And can I tell you? I am only tired when I get up in the morning. I just don't wanna wake up!!If I could sleep for a day, that would be fanfuckintastic, let me tell you.

****************

My girl has decided to be a Fairy Princess for Halloween. Originally, she was going to be a monkey, which really is fitting for this family. But, have you ever done a search for monkey costumes? There aren't too many cute ones, let me tell you, so I was almost relieved when she changed her mind last week. Whew!! So, we went from brown-banana-on-the-head blah, to pink-and-green-sparkles-frilly-tulle PRECIOUS!

***************

Let me just share some of the fun stuff I'm looking forward to this month, because I am all SQUEEEEEE! about some of it:

-5K run/walk for Child Advocates this Saturday

-Fun birthday party for the husband of a friend of a friend (who I hope becomes a friend) (does that make any sense at all?)

-Pumpkin patch with my girl, Kristy, and her boys

-Texas v. OU game!!! Hook 'em Horns!!!!

-Race for the Cure in Dallas

-A family costume party, complete with a hayride and bouncy house

-A Halloween festival, complete with face painting, a 'haunted' trail, and pumpkins

-Halloween!!

-Picking out pumpkins with my girl, who has informed me that we are buying 'a mommy one, a daddy one, two baby ones, a sister one, and a brother one'

Sorry that this post is all over the place, and not exactly funny, nostalgic, or blog-worthy. I'm just all.over.the.place. Forgive me?

G'night. ZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.