Maybe too much of my life is intertwined, caught up, stuck in music. I don't know. It's in my blood. I hear songs in my head when I sleep, sorta like a damn soundtrack to my dreams. Exactly like a soundtrack. This song is so sweet and melancholy, and I really didn't think of anyone when I heard it. It just made me melancholy. Until, I had a variation of the same dream about my college ex-boyfriend. And this played in my head as I dreamt. And now? Now it breaks my heart to hear it. I mean, it's exactly us, the way we were, in the end. The silence, the screaming, the heart-wrenching pain of knowing I have to walk away, I already walked away, how can I walk back after I already tore him up?
Sometimes, just sometimes, I wish I could sleep and not dream.
We play Hide'n'Seek in our house on a regular basis. We've had small-scale games, with just the three of us, where my girl has fits of giggles, never stays in her hiding spot, and I pee my pants from laughing. Oh, and the dog. Ha! Don't even think you can hide without her telling on you. I can't tell you how many times one of us had been hiding near her, and she starts wagging her tail or looking in your general direction as the Seeker is seeking.
We also have large-scale games, with Grandpa and Monkey Matt involved, or Grandma and Aunt Angel. Again, I almost pee my pants and she giggles her way through the game. We always find her, no one ever finds me in my favorite hiding spot (shhhh! Can't tell you, just in case you ever come over to my house and we suck you into a game!), and we all end up out of breath and smiling.
She's found another hiding spot, but hasn't had the chance to use it in a large-scale game.
Do you have any silly games you play on a regular basis with your family?
Two things are keeping me from a decent night's sleep:
[Please excuse the darkness, the fact that I can't figure out which light switch goes to the outdoor light (hi-i've lived here almost 2 years), & the shitty visuals. Sleep.deprived.]
We were professional acquaintances. He was tall, handsome, full smile, warm eyes, a kind open face, although I didn't know any of this at first, since we only spoke on the phone. All professional, but small chit-chat at times. For well over two years, I only knew him by his voice.
When I met him, again, for work-related purposes, I was in awe. He did not look at all like I had imagined him to. Sorta like when you only know someone through their blog, and then when you actually talk to them on the phone, they sound nothing like you thought they would. But when you think about it, what would they have sounded like?
During this meeting, I felt his eyes on me. I tried not to flirt, but it just sorta came out. We talked about so many things, getting to know one another, all in one day. We all had to have lunch together, and he cracked me up (a theme here: all the men I have loved have cracked me up). He was smart, funny, outgoing, loud, polite, sexy.
We were (are) both married. Nothing inappropriate was ever said or done. We never addressed the spark, the connection, the feeling, except with our eyes.
He left the job for a better opportunity. He sent me an email, telling me it was a pleasure to work with me all these years, and that he would miss me. That's it. I didn't expect more, and am happy there wasn't more said. Because then it would be out there, between us, in our minds, and I don't think I could have handled that.
I'm not the cheating kind. I adore my husband. I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I was put in that situation. I am typical Pisces-I am this way, and then that way. I am wishy-washy, so torn by each important decision I must make, feeling the balance of my world tilt, wobble, and fall back into place.
I left my job a couple of months later.
This was 2 years ago.
But this song, it's my bell. It rings, and I respond the same way every damn time. I think of him.
I've got so much going on lately, yet I find myself feeling bored at random times during the day. Am I boring myself?
Why does my dog insist on waking me up 3 times every night? Still? It's been 6 months since my old man dog left us, and isn't she used to being the only dog in the house by now? Is it necessary that she whine until I wake up, run to the back door, and then immediately turn around, jump on the door, and bark at me when I put her out? I've tried Benadryl, I've tried feeding her twice a day, I've tried sleeping on the couch with her, I've tried running/walking her....I'm at my wits' end.
Why am I shedding again? I don't have long hair, so why do I have clumps floating around on the bathroom floor?
I have a dilemma: I have a credit with Southwest Airlines that I have to use by July 28th. But I have no time to go on a small trip between now & then. What the hell? Maybe I can sell it to someone? Can I schedule a trip, and then cancel it again, to extend the credit?
If not, I may take a short trip to NOLA with the hubby, but really? do I want to do that? He would gamble the entire time. Sigh. What to do, what to do....
I have been doing the Weight Watchers points system for 4 weeks. I have lost 4.5 lbs. I am beat down by it.
I haven't eaten much deep-fried-in- shitty-grease stuff lately, thankfully. However, last Saturday when we were in the teeny town for the funeral, we went to this place that seemed like it would be fun and yummy, but was really hot, dirty, and gross. I got a chicken fried steak sandwich (probably worth 40 ww points) and it made my stomach hurt. I thought it was just crappy food, since it didn't taste so hot. It gave me the runs. But today I had to eat Sonic on the fly, and I had their popcorn chicken. Guess what? I got the runs. So maybe my body is done with fried stuff?
I ordered an iHome alarm clock for my hubby's iphone. I ordered the wrong one. I returned it, and ordered the correct one today. It will be here Friday, and I can't wait to see how it works. If it works well, I'm buying one for my nano.
And speaking of that nano, I have yet to take it out of the package. I just haven't had time. Plus, my itunes is on my work computer, and I'm always scrambling to get everything done at work as it is.
Why can't I be as funny as this lady? Or this lady? Or this lady? I am just not that fast with comebacks or funny stuff. Le sigh.
There's some sort of swamp-like concert going on in my backyard at night. Between that and Daisy's whining, I'm losing sleep. I go to bed tired and wake up tired. What the hell?
I'm so tired of the random bugs showing up in my bathroom. Remember last year?: the cricket in the drain? The spiders?All the other bugs? Well, last night it was an ant. I have no idea why I looked up while showering, but I did, and this stupid ant was crawling on the ceiling. The rest of my shower was spent panicking, worrying that he was going to fall on my damn head when I was rinsing out my hair. Proof:
My tomato plants are doing AWESOME, but I'm the only one who eats tomatoes in this house (Daisy just puts them in her mouth and then drops them on the floor covered in drool), so I'm running out of things to do with the tomatoes. I don't have enough to make fresh pasta sauce. I'm thinking stuffed grilled tomatoes? Hmmmm.
The skin tone on my face is disgusting. It seems to be getting worse, in spite of the SPF. I am really thinking of getting microdermabrasion done. Actually, I'm pretty sold on it, but can't find the time to get it done.
That is all.
Hope everyone has a safe and happy 4th! I will be going to see Ice Age today, see fireworks tonight, & bask in the sunshine (and drama) at my in-law's on Saturday.
If you are like me, you enter contests on people's blogs fairly regularly. And, if you are like me, you never win. Last summer I won a prize package from Fiona Picklebottom, and then hosted one of my very few contests, where 10 people commented, and 10 people won. Except, I am pretty sure I never sent Just a Girl her prize, but I'm hoping I will make it to Austin before the end of the f-ing century, and I can just give it to her in person.
Anyway, so this time? This time I actually won!!! Royal Jewels rocks because she sent out my package on Monday from San Francisco, and I got it on Wednesday. Squeeeee!
So, here's what I got:
[I'm having issues with Blogger-it's pretty difficult to move pictures around on the post once I upload them, and you might be able to hear my scream across the country] So, bear with me. I can't seem to put any descriptions between the pictures. So!
-The first picture is probably my favorite thing in the entire box-it's a teeny tiny flask! With a little key chain thingy on it! Portable alcohol! Handy and teeny and omg, sweet!
-A little package of incense, a teeny elephant incense holder, and 2 pretty flower candles. These are going to work with me ASAP.
-Spray hand sanitizer and a little page holder. And yes, my camera blows in comparison to other bloggers' bad-ass cameras, but the page holder has a little whale and a beach inside.
-The next 3 pictures are of little soaps shaped in symbols #&$@? and flowers. And I am so smart that I thought maybe, just maybe, the flowers were actually candy. So I opened them and lightly licked one. Not candy. Soap. Thank GOODNESS I didn't bite into it.
-Gum that I'm hiding from my kid, because she thinks anything in my purse belongs to HER.
-And lastly, things I will share with my girl: A little San Fran cup, teeny fireworks, and sidewalk chalk (the death of me).
-And not pictured: A CD that she made. I can't wait to hear it and report back. You know I love my music!!
Thank you, thank you Jules! I am so excited to have won a contest (even if I did get soap in my teeth)!
I will be hosting my own contest soon (to keep in the spirit of Swistle's Pay it Forward Contests), and will post details next week.
