Where I bitch like a 90 year old woman-Take 2

I swear, I have just turned 31 and my body is pissing me off. I've had some female issues (let's just leave it at that for those of you who don't already know) that have been a real pain in the who-ha.
Now I have an appt. with my doctor on Friday morning because I am having sharp, constant pain just at my sternum, through to my back, after I eat. It lasts for awhile, and feels like I am full in the wrong place after a big meal, and it's to the point that I feel like I'm getting heartburn. I try to get away from it-I try sitting up straighter, pushing my chest out, breathing deeply...Of course, I brush it off as gas, eating too much, blah, blah blah.
It's been going on a for a few weeks, but I can't really pinpoint when it began. Why? Because I have had so many stupid things wrong with my body since puberty hit, and I hate to think that my mother and husband think I'm a whiner or a hypochondriac.
Why? Because I had heart problems as a tween, and my mother didn't take it serious; she thought I was being dramatic. I ended up needing heart surgery.
I was born with a slight case of scoliosis, and have back pain over the most random things.
I was rear-ended by a drunk driver about 4 and half years ago (don't get me started) and went to the chiropractor to be on the safe side. Guess what? All that complaining about my neck always hurting had nothing to do with my shitty office chair and everything to do with the beginning stages of arthritis in the neck.
I hate pain-I complain about getting a TB test for cripe's sake-so my husband just sorta looks through me when I complain about something on my body hurting.
So, when did this start? *shrugs shoulders*
So, I was telling my friend about it the other day, because I know she will listen, and I know she will think of things I hadn't thought of, and....
she thinks it's my gallbladder/gallstones. She described trying to get away from the pain too. And she had her gallbladder out last summer.
Mother f-er.
So, off to the doctor I go tomorrow.
Wish me luck. Ridiculous.
What am I??? A 90 year old woman???

Where I bitch like a 90 year old woman

My girl loves to go to a local pizza buffet because of the little game room. We spend $4 in quarters to get her little miniature figurines (aliens, cows, turtles) and little plastic things full of cavity-inducing candy. Usually, the pizza is great. But, I am pretty sure we have officially crossed this place off of our list after our last experience.

Not only was the buffet full of spongy, several-hour-old pizza, but the salad bar was downright scary, and the ice machine was empty. And we were not there towards the end of the evening, when you would expect it to be like this. The place was pretty packed, and the pizza sucked!! (I can't get past that part, can you tell?)

But what really got us was the fact that there was not one single adult working. They were all teens. And I know I sound like a 90 year old crab-ass woman when I say this, but Why the hell are there no adults running this place??

They were all talking, laughing, having a grand old time (90 year old crab-ass again) ignoring the patrons (crab-ass) and their job duties (crab-ass). I didn't say anything at first, because I didn't want my husband to think I was complaining (like a 90 year old crab-ass), but he said something first.

"Does your pizza taste old?"

Then he noticed that two of the employees, both male, had long, fuzzy, gross hair and that neither of them were wearing hairnets. One looked like he had a damn chia pet for a ponytail and the other one had the greasiest hair all in his face. Ick.

No hairnets. Ick. (crab-ass)

We both looked at each other and said "We aren't coming back".

As we were leaving, one of the employees yelled to another "No, she's in the back tripping again". Like, tripping-acid tripping?! (crab-ass) I didn't stay to ask.

Goodbye, pizza place!

Huh? Who are you, and what have you done with my crab cake??

I have been a bit whine WAH WAH WAH woe is me about the fact that my girl has been acting, well, ahem, like a 3 year old. The whole independent thing, mixed with a little 'hold me hold me HOLDME', sprinkled with some 'Why? Why? Why?'. Most evenings, when I put her to bed, I quickly tiptoe down the hallway towards my living room, and it is not until I settle on the couch that I realize I have been holding my breath. And it takes me a good 20 minutes to relax, to unwind from the non-stop chatter of 'Why are you doing it that way? Who bought that for me? Can I have a snack? No, I don't want water.'

Each time I think I am on the brink of losing it (it being what is left of my sanity), I remind myself to take a deep breath and count my blessings. I know that she is such a good little girl. I know that I want her to exert her own little independence. I know that I want her to be outspoken, strong, and opinionated.

But does it always have to be with me? (in a whiny, sniffling voice)

Over the past several days, my girl has been so accommodating, so obedient, so pleasant, so.....not a 3 year old. At the store today, she asked for some cookies, and I told her we still had cookies at home. Her response? 'Okay, next time we get cookies' and that was it.

When she asked for a little Polly Pockets thing with 4 bazillion little fricking plastic pieces, I said 'No, it's too close to your birthday for you to be asking for all this stuff'. Her response? 'Okay, I get it next time. Or I will ask my grandma for her to buy it for my birthday party, okay?'

WHAAAAA.....??????

Last night was bath time. Usually, this is a stressful time in our house. She does not like water in her ears or her eyes, yet she refuses to put her head back so I can run water on her hair without it getting in her ears or eyes. Since she was about 5 months old, bath time has been such a love/hate situation in our house. She loves to play in the water, splash the hell out of me, play with her little squirt toys, but hates having her hair washed. Most baths the past 2 and a half years have ended in tears (usually hers, but a handful of times, mine too).

Last night? My girl said 'I put my head like this' and proceeded to put her head back far enough that her hair was in the bath water. My mouth fell open. She closed her eyes and said 'Okay, momma. My eyes are closed. You can pour water now.' I just sat there, and after a few seconds, she cracked open one eye, looked at me and said 'Momma, are you gonna do it or not?' So I did it, and she actually laughed.

Would it be too good to be true that my girl is getting past the tantrum stage? Probably. I won't fool myself into thinking my crab cake is gone for good. But this? This is a wonderful time for me.

My wee little crabcake

I call my daughter a crabcake when she is being crabby. It all started when my husband and I met. We hung out a lot as friends, and I quickly learned that sometimes he is, well, crabby. And to draw him out of his bad mood, I started calling him 'King Crab'. And I'd make little claws with my hands and 'snap' them at him. I also used to call him Willie Wonka, Wee Willie, Winkle bug, & Free Willie, which annoyed the hell out of him, but managed to draw him out of his funk.

My girl has been a happy baby since Day One. And it was pretty obvious, pretty quickly, that she has her very own personality, and it is just screaming to come out. At a few months old, she would ball up her fists, and shake them, and make the silliest little face, like she was frustrated. It was so funny. See?:

(Sorry, it's a bit blurry, but I had to take a picture of the picture, because I can't seem to find the picture on my computer. )

Isn't it just perfect that I found this little frame to put it in?

It got to the point where she would be fussing or crying, and I would say 'Are you being a little crab?' or 'Who's being a crab cake?' and she would stop what she was doing and make this face, while shaking her whole body.

As she has gotten older, I have started telling both of them that there is an one crab limit in my house, so they need to take turns. And if I ask my girl if she is being a crab cake, when she so obviously is, she will say, 'No momma. I not a crabcake, I a CUPcake.'

I decided that I wanted a cute little shirt made just for my crabcake. So when I saw that Tranny Head had a shirt made for her cute little Sumo by The Rocking Pony, I knew that was the place to go. And what do ya know? Karen was up for the challenge, and within a week or so, my girl had her very own custom made shirt. When I showed it to her online, my girl said 'Oh! It's a crab! Is that my crabcake shirt? FOR ME???'

And here she is:

'Wha..? You want me to pose at 7:30am???'

'Sure. I'll make a sad face. Oh! You said CRAB face. Oops.'

Please go over to The Rocking Pony and check out her cute stuff! I might go a little nuts, and start buying and buying and buying..... Thanks, Karen! We love it!

***

By the way, thanks to everyone for their comments about my housecleaning situation. I'm coming to terms with it. Maybe you guys are right-maybe he is just trying to be nice, and I should totally stop my whining and take advantage of the free time I have! So that is what I shall do!