{W}rite of Passage-Beta version

Mrs. Flinger has created this kick-ass site, {W}rite of Passage, where writers can write, be critiqued in a safe environment, and read some wonderful stuff from other wonderful writers. (Could I use the letter w anymore in one sentence??) I was so excited to receive the invite, and I tell ya, once I am not up to my damn ears in final projects and final exams and getting AT&T to realize that I fucking hate them for all of the stupid shit they have put me through the last 2 weeks (Seriously?? How f-ing hard is it to GIVE ME A TELEPHONE NUMBER THAT WORKS!?!), I will be spending a few hours (read: several dozen) reading everyone's Beta posts and squeeeeing at all the wonderful writers I am surrounded by! In the meantime, here's my Beta post, about my most embarrassing moment:

Really, haven't I posted several embarrassing things about myself? I mean, do we need to re-has the time I pissed all over myself in the office bathroom because I had a sneeze attack while trying to hover over the toilet? Or how about the time I had the.worst period EVAH in my new office (different job than the hover/piss job) and I actually bled through a tampon, a huge diaper pad, and my damn pants within an hour of arriving at the office? By the way, I had to actually run to the stupid Walmart by my office and buy not only a pair of undies, but a damn sweater to wrap around my waist to cover the uhhh, spot puddle on my pants? TMI?

Okay, so I was about 8 months pregnant, and I had a court hearing for work downtown. Parking sucks downtown. I always ended up parking like 9 blocks away, stuffing the meter w/ all my dimes and nickles, and running to the courthouse. Except, I was 8 months pregnant, so I pretty much waddled. I also wore flip flops to walk those 9 blocks, since my feet looked like mini boats.
So, I waddle to the courthouse, and get there like 2 minutes before the hearing is set to begin. I pull my snazzy professional shoes out of my purse, shove my flip flops in there, and head up to the 3rd floor. I get there, the judge looks at my feet and gives me this look. What?? Dude. Anyway, all goes well, but as I'm leaving the courtroom, something runs down my leg. What the fresh hell is going on???
I walk outside, and it continues. Lucky for me, I'm wearing flowy skirt that goes mid-calf. But I'm panicking. I call my good friend Kristy, who says she will go to the emergency room with me. I call my office to let them know I won't be back just yet.
Kristy and I go to the emergency room. I waddle my ass up to the maternity ward, get undressed, etc. etc. Apparently they have these thin little things that look like those little oil absorbant sheets you use to wipe the gross oil off your face? But it goes down there, and it tells you whether your water broke. So...yeah.
And guess what??
Yeah, uhhhh, my water didn't break.
Apparently? All those blocks I walked? With a baby pushing on my bladder? Yeah, uh...?
Yeah, I peed myself.
In the courtroom.
I go back to the office, and everyone wants to know what the hell it was if my water didn't break. Seriously?? Sigh.
So, if it's not bad enough that my whole office knows I pissed myself, I go to court later that week, and the DA is all "So....I guess your water didn't break? So...did you piss yourself?"
PS. I am fully aware that this post is like a full 2 weeks late. I am so behind people. Soooo behind.


Sarah said...

oh mah gosh, sooo funny. Sorry you had to live through that but thanks for sharing it ;)

Anonymous said...

I remember when MY water broke. Oh wait...no. That didn't really happen....

Sarah said...

That sucks so hard. Surely, no I won't call you Shirley, the pee leak happens to everyone...but not in front of judges. Oh, the suck. I feel your pain.