Where have all the cowboys gone?

I decided today that I officially need a vacation. Not gonna happen in reality, but I so need to get away. I'm just not sure from what exactly. I wake up, get my girl to school, go to work, come home, do mommy-related activities, put the kiddo to bed, attempt to read or write or watch some ridiculous tv, go to bed. Lately I have been packing. I unpacked a book so that I could read something. Something to distract me from my brain and my heart. They are driving me a little crazy. 
I sit here tonight in the dark of my living room, surrounded by boxes. And again, I feel that terrible feeling of loneliness. It is so ridiculous. I am annoyed with myself for feeling this way. I am put out with my loneliness and my stupid heart's desire to share my life with someone. 
We only live once, and I'm always saying that. And I see it every day at work: I love 60+ people who are at the end of their lives...time is growing small for them...and I enjoy their silliness, their sass, their crankiness....and I know damn well that my time will grow small soon too-my girl will soon be in 2nd grade, and then middle school, and then high school. I don't have forever, so I need to enjoy it! And I do, but.....
I feel myself growing more lonely. Not desperate. Not crazy girl. Just...lonely. I have some wonderful friends, and a handful that will check on me or be there in 2 seconds if I say "Yes, I need you". Ah. 
But I don't say that very often. 
But we all know I'm not talking about friends. 
I feel so ridiculous to say that I am lonely for a GOOD, HONEST, STRONG, KIND, GIVING MAN. Do they exist? 
I feel like I have a shit ton to offer someone. I feel like I'm a catch. ( Have you seen this???  *points at body*) (Kidding) I am not free of silly bullshit or imperfections, but I am good. And I just feel myself sitting here, wasting time for.... what? 
*shakes head* 
I need a vacation, people. Away from myself. 


Canadian in Glasgow said...

So take a damn vacation girl! It's not like you don't deserve it. Book a couple vacation days....drive an hour out of town...and UNPLUG. Read, sleep. Just...recharge.
And yes, those men exist.
And they are gay. (Kidding!)

Angel (Themommytsunami) said...

They. Are. Out. There.

As women, we just have to keep our heads (and our standards) high and not settle...not until we find that cowboy who takes our breath (and all of our worries) away.

Overly romantic? Possibly. But every dreamer has a match out there.

Don't give up until you've found yours.