Fear and loathing in a city near me

Each time I tell my daughter, sister, and brother that police officers are to be trusted rather than feared or loathed, something shitty like this happens.
Ryan Moats plays for the NFL, for the Houston Texans. On March 18th, he was speeding in Plano, right by the hospital. His mother-in-law was literally dying at that moment and he was pulled over. Below is the video. What follows when he is pulled over is asinine, heinous, and completely uncalled for. When I saw it the first time, I was shaking with anger. And then I read in the paper that the mother-humper actually pulled out his gun on Mr. Moats and his family. Are you kidding me?
Police Officer Robert Powell needs to get his ass kicked for this. At the very least, I think he needs to lose his job. I don't think he should get a second chance at being a cop. He doesn't deserve that honor. He had absolutely no reason to act like an ass to these people. They didn't give chase, they weren't being non-compliant or rude. And it's not like they ran a fucking red light because they were drunk, high, or young high school punks. Or, for that matter, NFL football players that think they can do whatever the hell they want.
They ran a red light because a member of their family was dying. They were still being as safe as possible, and had their flashers on.
I am shocked, saddened, and disgusted. Who the f- does this police officer think he is?
I am so incredibly sorry that this happened. I have no words to adequately convey my anger and regret.

All that and a bag of chips

Any idea who this hottie is?? I'll give you a couple of guesses.

Ignore the fact that you can see her name there at the bottom of the picture.

And seriously:try to look at her FACE.

Give up?

Does this help?:

Yep. It's Winnie. From The Wonder Years.

I loved this show. And of course, I loved Fred. Omg, his cute, kissable cheeks! His vulnerability. His charm. And Winnie was near and dear to my heart. I had no idea so many boys in my generation were hot for her (well, DUH).

But seriously, besides being drop-dead gorgeous, this girl is SMART AS HELL, and is published. (Am so jealous right now).

Did I mention the teeny tiny fact that she is a mathematician??

So, she's got two books: Kiss My Math and Math Doesn't Suck . Kiss My Math is a guide to pre-algebra, and Math Doesn't Suck helps kids survive middle school math. Her books are aimed at girls, but don't see why they wouldn't help boys survive math as well!

My sis struggles in math, among other things (comprehension). And next year, she will be in middle school. I am sooo buying her these books!

Also? Am sucking in my gut every time I look at these pictures. Sighhhh.

Filler Friday-The Vegas/Exercise/Jonas Brothers Addition

If you want pictures of anything interesting, you're pretty much shit outta luck. If I'm not the one taking pictures, no pictures are ever taken. And honestly, I haven't perfected the art of photographing myself. And my husband purposely looks downright miserable every time I try to get a decent picture of him. (I'm trying not to psycho-analyze that one).

So here's what you get:

These are all the pictures I took. I think there may be a few more, but they are probably of the same stuff. There's a conservatory in the Bellagio Hotel, and it's full of gorgeous flowers. It was bright, fragrant, and calming (other than the constant stream of 4,000 people coming to take pictures of all of it). The hotel was full of orchids, wisteria, tulips, and my favorite are the poppies (above).

Highlights of Vegas:

• Helicopter ride over the Strip in the evening (soooo cool, but too short for the $)
• Seeing a couple of famous people that I knew were famous, but didn't know their names
• The Cirque de Soleil 'O' show-PHENOMENAL!
• Mimosas at 9am, 3pm, and 2am
• The seafood buffet at Mirage......lobster tails, 2 different kinds of crab legs, crab cakes, scallops, mussells, clams, shrimp.....omg, i could live there!
• One of the best meals ever at Prime Steakhouse (the filet melted in my mouth, I swear)
• Meeting Jerry Jones (picture below), owner of the Dallas Cowboys, (and his wife), currently building the most massive stadium I've ever seen (picture below, that I took this week while driving to class)

I won't bother to tell you how we were locked out of our room, four times. Yes, four times. As in, a technician had to replace the whole damn door knob and card/key mechanism, twice. Maddening. The last time it happened, it was about 1am Sunday morning, and OMG, we were hungry and I just wanted to take my damn sexy shoes off. While we waited, we sat on the floor in front of our door. Some employee of the hotel told us it was hotel policy that we weren't allowed to sit on the floor. Wha???? So then she makes us walk down the hall and sit in two chairs next to the elevator. And then the room service arrived that we had ordered before we went to our room and discovered that we were locked out. So we had to eat it in the hallway, by the elevators. Good times.

Other than that (and the fact that I don't like to gamble 24 hours a day), it was a nice trip. It was nice to get away and go somewhere different. I read two books, I slept in, I window shopped, and ohhhhh, did I people watch!

As far as my other anxieties, everything was fine. I did go to Victoria Secret (Did you hear the GAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH ??), but only to find out that my boobs are getting bigger, not to buy anything particularly slimming. H was likable, funny, and ZOMG, I am really going to say this: we have a lot in common! GASP. (Other than the teeny tiny detail that I'm not a dirty whore who hits on other people's husbands!) No, really, we had a good time together, and on more than one occasion, it ended up being just me and her by ourselves. And it wasn't awkward. And she behaved around my husband. And here I am to tell you: I think maybe that dirty whores can change. And: I think I can forgive. (Am I growing up, or what??)

My girl did fine with my in-laws, although the first phone conversation with her involved tears (hers), whining (hers), and desperation (me). "But I waaaaaaaaaaaant you, Mommy!" All in all though, she didn't fall in their pool, she didn't starve, she didn't choke on the cigarette smoke, and she seemed to have fun! Whew.

I have completely decided that a girls' trip to Vegas needs to be in the works this year. I want to go with people who want to EAT and people watch and sleep in, get up hung over, get drunk by the pool, take a nap, and then go to all the fun clubs all night, only to do it all over again the next day. And maybe, we will throw in a few nickel slots. Who's with me?? Seriously, I would love to do it sometime this year...maybe in the early fall? Flights and hotels are CHEAP right now.

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Exercise. Blah. I came home from Vegas feeling like a total fat ass. So, I have decided that I am going to wake up early every morning (okay, okay, maybe 5 days a week) and work out while everyone else is snoring. If I don't get into that routine, I fear I will never get into a workout routine and will need a crane to lift my ass out of my house. I just have so much going on, that I don't have it in me to do it consistently at the end of the day. So.

This morning: I turned the alarm off and went back to sleep. For a bit. But I did get up, and did Levels 1 and 2 of the shred. I am soooo over the f-ing jumping jacks and jump rope. When I was done, I was sweaty, starving, but awake. And I feel great right now! Woohoooooo

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Does anyone know anyone who loves the Jonas Brothers? Anyone know anyone that would be interested in seeing the Jonas Brothers in concert here in Texas? Since my husband has season tickets at the new Cowboys stadium, he is able to buy tickets before they go on sale. And...he bought Jonas Brothers tickets. I have no idea why. But, if you know someone who really wants to go, drop me an email or leave me a comment with your email, and I can give you details (seats, prices, date).

Yep, that's about it. Happy Friday!

Welcom to Procrastination Station...Next train leaves....Never?

Yep, that's me. 10 page research paper due Wednesday at 9am. Still doing research. I've got to stop doing this.
I'll be back Wednesday afternoon, to give you a rundown of my time in Vegas. Weeeeeeeee. (No sarcasm there at all, I swear.)

I'm not just another pretty face

Sometimes I get so incredibly frustrated with people who think I am naive, or too liberal, or a bleeding heart. I get sick of hearing that I am a tree-hugger, or 'too far to the left'. I cringe when people call him 'your president'. Not because I don't consider him mine, but because of all the things they are implying by saying that. I can totally rock my Obama T-shirt, and I don't give a flying fuck who thinks I'm dumb, or too far left for voting for him.
I am to the point that I feel like I am being attacked when someone approaches me with the topic of Obama, the state of the economy, why I am getting my f-ing master's degree in social work, why 'your' President is 'taking away our right to buy ammunition and assault rifles (an aside here: Why the fuck do we need assault rifles? I understand military, SWAT, police dept., etc., but every day citizens? WTF for????), why I am liberal.....no matter how many deep breaths I take, no matter how educated I am, I still end up frazzled, frustrated, and usually in tears (but not in front of said jack-asses).
I know the facts. I strongly believe in some things, and you telling me that Obama is going to turn us into a 'welfare state' will not change my mind. Knocking me for my beliefs and convictions will not make me drop them and pick up yours. Rolling your eyes at my strong-felt conviction that we should be helping each other does not make me change my mind, nor does it make me respect you.
I am not just another pretty face; I am educated. Don't call me a bleeding heart, or a sucker, or a stupid girl. Don't say I am too sensitive (although I am), too forgiving (I am), or too giving for my own good. I don't just 'feel' these things; I do research. I educate myself on things that are important to me, whether it be same-sex marriages, stem-cell research, or abortion. Universal healthcare. Rehabilitation of offenders. The homeless population. Domestic violence. Sexual abuse. I don't carry the weight of these issues without knowing what I'm fighting for.

I do believe in abortion. Not as a form of birth control, but in situations where children are being raped, women are being raped, fetuses are growing with no brain (if that's what the mother wants).
I do believe that we should be actively teaching our children birth control options. I don't think it makes them want to have sex any more than the steady stream of hormones already going through their veins.
I do think we need to provide universal healthcare. There are ways of going about it; we can look at Canada's model and pick and choose what works for our country. I don't expect it to be perfect; things like this take years. I don't believe it will turn us into a socialist country. I do cringe at the thought of how many people forgo medical treatment and medication because it's that or food on the table. I've seen it happen so many times in my own family, and we aren't talking working poor, poor, or homeless. We are talking $40,000/year families, who can't afford to take care of their health.
I do think there is a cure out there for something (hopefully, lots of somethings) that is ailing humans, and I think stem-cell research may just be the key. I don't think it has to be pushed on everyone; I do, however, think we deserve the choice.
I do not have an issue with same-sex marriages. I don't see how anyone can even justify their disgust of this issue with the statement 'Their marriage is a danger to my moral marriage'. I realize people and religions translate the meaning of the Bible differently. I realize some are just disgusted with it. But I cannot deny the love that people have for one another, nor the rights they deserve to have. How can I say a woman can't be on her partner's health insurance just because they are both women? How can I deny them the right to marry, or adopt??
I do believe that each race deserves respect. I am color blind. I do think racism still goes on; I am not so naive to believe that it will ever disappear. I just refuse to teach it to my children.
I do believe that there are solutions to homelessness, hunger, abuse. I think we just need to think outside of the box. I think we need to care a little more about what the hell is going on in our own neighborhoods.
I do believe that our prisons are a mess. I know that most of them are criminals; they committed a crime, and they need to do the time. However, I do not think that our prison system even attempts rehabilitation. We store them; we lock them up. We expect them to get out and be normal law-abiding citizens. I do think that we are doing more harm than good. I don't want a sociopath who says he would kill again to live next door to me; that is not what I am saying. What I am saying is this: How in the world can we expect these men (and women!) to 'grow' or 'change' into law-abiding citizens when we don't give them the tools to do so?! What our prisons give them are the tools to continue fighting, hurting, breaking the law, doing what it takes to get by. I am not saying make it easy; I am saying make it workable. I am saying provide them with decent food. I am saying provide them with a real opportunity to see medical professionals (because, people, let me tell you, it's not happening; they are not receiving better healthcare on the 'inside'). I am saying give all of them the chance to read, write, seek therapy, etc. I am not saying give them DirecTV, internet, a library card, full access to your bank account, and a map out of the f-ing jail.
On a related note, I do not think sex offenders deserve more than one chance. I don't think rehabilitation should be trusted. I don't think we should waste any money to allow them to appeal, or keep them alive on death row. See? Look at that-a conservative point of view in all my tree-hugging satanic thoughts. I think we should just make it law that you get convicted of sexual assualt of a child, you get the death penalty. No appeals. Conservative? Hmmm. GASP.
I do believe we need to look at solar energy, wind energy, water energy. I do believe we depend too much on foreign oil. I do think we need to get our own damn energy and oil supplies. We do need to support the research of new ideas, innovations to make our time on this planet last as long as possible.
I do not like the fact that AIG is paying bonuses. I do think the government should make them give it back. Does that mean I believe in 'big government'? No, not necessarily.
Am I tree-hugger? Well, yes, in a way. Not in the literal sense of the word (although I did hug my magnolia tree when it bloomed for the first time). Am I liberal? Yes. Am I a socialist? No. Do I believe in 'big government'? Yes and no.

I am not telling you these things to change your mind, or belittle you for your convictions. I am simply stating my convictions. I am still a caring, loving, dependable, and loyal friend. I am a hard worker. I am a good person. And I happen to be liberal.

These are my convictions. These are my values. They deserve to be respected, just as the more conservative views others have. I deserve to be respected, not in spite of my convictions, but because of them.

Updates and anxieties

Well, last week I mentioned that I am a 90 year old crab-ass with a failing body. I went to the doctor about possible gallstones (??) and jeez, that was just frustrating. Can I just say GAHHHHHHHHHHHH, what a waste of my time.
I fasted, but no one drew blood. My doctor was on vacation, so his associate saw me. Although I plainly said several times that this did not feel AT ALL like heartburn, no, NO, I am not burping up acid, NO, it is not reflux, she still managed to convince herself that I may indeed 'have some acid reflux going on'. Then, she suggested I buy longer-lasting antacids (HELLO??? NO HEARTBURN HERE). Her ultimate diagnosis: She thinks I have a haital hernia, which is where a part of your stomach pushes up above your diaphragm, into your esophagus. It is aggravated by caffeine, chocolate, spicy food, and high carb meals. When I explained that I have one or two caffeinated drinks A WEEK, and the same for chocolate and high carb meals, she basically ignored me. Then I told her when it happened last week, it was immediately after eating a f-ing salad.
So. My Rx is to stay away from the above, eat slower, and take longer-acting Tums. Lovely.
She said if it feels the same in 2 weeks, I can come back and do the barium swallow study, to confirm the hernia. HOW ABOUT YOU JUST STICK ME WITH THAT NEEDLE THERE AND TAKE SOME BLOOD AND FIND OUT IF IT JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE MY GALLBLADDER??? No? Oh, okay. No problem.
*******
I'm leaving for Vegas Thursday evening. Going with my hubby, his friend C, and his wife, W. And guess who else is going? My hubby's friend B, and his wife, H, the one that went after my husband so many times. I know, I know. Look, I didn't plan the trip. The guys are all friends. I can play nice, as long as she sits nowhere near my husband the whole weekend. I'll let you know how it goes.
While there, we plan on going to see the Cirque du Soleil show 'O'. My husband has a long weekend of golf and gambling planned with his BFF, while I am bringing three books, have scheduled a massage, and plan on doing some shopping. Vegas' food options might make me FATTER than I already am, but ZOMG, the gelato, the buffets, the alcoholic drinks, the candy, the PASTRIES......
*******
While I'm on that subject, can I just say how VERY PAINFUL it is for me to admit that I weight ALMOST as much as I did when I was 9 F-ING MONTHS PREGNANT with my girl???? Oh my gosh, I can't even begin to tell you how disgusting I feel. And I've been eating great!! Other than 2 nights a week, where I'm sure my meals are high-calorie. But other than that, I do great. I know I need to drink more water, and I need more exercise, but HOLY BATSHIT, throw me a BONE, will ya???? A couple of pounds? Please???
And related, I am doing the shred, and all I feel is that my arms are getting bigger. I need them to get SLIMMER before they get ripped. Ffffff...............none of my cute spring shirts fit in my arms.
I am seriously considering hiring a personal trainer this summer. I just don't see how I could do it now, during the spring semester. Until then, I'm going to continue with Jillian and her f-ing jumprope & jumping jacks, and throw in some more Wii Fit, biking, and running.
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Packing for Vegas is challenging. Let me just say that I want to be comfortable, yet sexy, yet COMFORTABLE (read: able-to-hide-the under-estimated-over-consumption-of-40,000-calories-in-pastries). Did I mention COMFORTABLE? Anyway, I feel pressure to be sexy, because of the bitchface that is going. Like I said before, she is pretty, and she hits on my husband. I may just have to make a trip to Victoria Secret tomorrow... (like THAT is going to fix all my body issues. Pffft. You will be able to hear the ARRRRRGGGGGGGGGGG, GAHHHHHH all the way around the world).
*********
And while we are in Vegas, my girl is staying with my husband's parents. She adores them, and I care for them, but I have to be honest: I would be much more comfortable if she was staying with my mom. She has a great connection with my mom, and my mom has shown over and over just how much she adores my girl and wants to spend time with her. My in-laws, while I know they love her, don't put forth much of an effort to see her, even though they live 45 minutes away. Even though I always say 'You can see her anytime'. Even though they bitch, moan, and whine about how they never see her and 'oh, it's soooo unfair that she likes your mom better'. I want to scream FUCKING GROW UP ALREADY, WILL YA??? But that wouldn't do much for the marriage or the relationship with the in-laws.
They have not proven to me that they would bend over backwards to spend time with her. Driving to my house on Thanksgiving and Christmas, and only playing with her in her room for 15 minutes DOES NOT show me you want to really be an active part of her life. Going on a 7 day vacation in Mexico with her and NEVER ONCE getting in the pool with her, or sitting down in the sand with her to build sandcastles, or dancing with her after dinner in the dark, or EVEN ATTEMPTING to engage her in something remotely enjoyable for a toddler.....didn't quite convince me you want to be active in her life.
YET, every time you do see us, you complain and cry ACTUAL TEARS that you 'never see her' and she 'doesn't love you', but you do nothing about it. I am at a loss here.
My hubby made the decision to ask them if they would watch her. He did it out of guilt, I am pretty sure; he hears what his mother says to me every fucking time, and they were also pissed that I just CANNOT COMMIT TO ANOTHER 7 DAY VACATION THIS SUMMER WITH THEM. So, he tried to give them this gift. And while I know she will be safe, I am worried about their pool, their excessive smoking, their drinking, their ability TO ENGAGE HER IN SOMETHING FUN, their ability to put her to sleep, or to even get to know her likes/dislikes/preferences. I am worried. Just typing this is getting me all anxious. Shit.

My overflowing library

I have this obsession with buying books. I think it's worse than my beauty supply obsession, but much more educational. I have one bookcase that my husband bought me as a 'Congrats' gift when I left CPS in 2007. It is overflowing. I have books stuffed under the bed, in all 3 drawers of my nightstand, squeezed behind the doors of another table/chest, and in our study. I really don't need anymore books, yet....I just can't help myself.

There is just something fulfilling, enticing, and satisfying about meandering my way through a bookstore, letting titles catch my eye, breezing through the first couple of pages of an intriguing book, and then filling my arms to overflowing with these finds.

I have bought more than a dozen books in the past 2 months. I have read 2 of them (The Myth of You and Me by Leah Stewart and How To Be Lost by Amanda Eyre Ward). I give them to my mom to read first, and my dad's been borrowing books too. I'm off to Vegas for a long weekend, and I plan on bringing three books with me. Why? Because I can't spend every waking moment gambling, like my husband. Now I must decide which books to bring, and force myself not to enter a bookstore between now and Thursday.

Here is a brief list of the books I'm really wanting to buy right now:

Coyotes: A Journey Across Borders by Ted Conover

Consequences by Penelope Lively

Jesus Land: A memoir by Julia Scheeres

I'll Fly Away by Wally Lamb

Change me into Zeus' Daughter by Barbara Moss

Fierce: A Memoir by Barbara Moss

Sleep Toward Heaven by Amanda Eyre Ward

The Sweet In-Between by Sheri Reynolds

Honestly, this is just the first page of my wishlist on Amazon. I have 4 more pages. And that's just what I have on Amazon. I could spend my whole life reading, and am certain I would still miss a million fabulous books.
So help me out: tell me a good book that I can add to my list.

*****

In an effort to keep track of my books, I decided to go old school. I looked in a couple of bookstores, but didn't really find anything I liked. Then I fell into the black abyss that is Etsy. Sighhhhh. Here's what I bought:

These beauties are from CloverHollow. They are gorgeous, and they have two of my favorite things: aqua and birdies. I recommend Cassie any day. My bookplates came fast, and they are just adorable!

These sweet bookplates are from Jess at Vol25. This lady is so talented, I don't even have the words.....Her stuff is whimsical and funky and just...great! I recently bought some postcards from her too, just because I love the little birdies on them. (I know, I know, I'm gonna be that nutcake old lady)

Anyway, my hubby thinks I'm a nutcake already, since I have freaking bookplates in all my books, with my name written on them.

Just another survey that proves to me that me & my hubby are like oil & water

Taken from Sundry.

What are your middle names?
Mine is Lee, Hubby's is Matthew

How long have you been together?
10 loooonnnngggg years. Started dating in December 1998; married in 2000.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
About 3 years. We were friends first. Met through mutual friends our senior year of high school. Saved a dog, a kitten, and saved my ass a few times too.

Who asked whom out?
I can't really pinpoint who asked who out. Like I said, we were friends. We hung out, we liked each other, neither of us were dating anyone else (or...wait....?) and I just remember a night of kissing in the cold rain.

How old are each of you?
We are both 31, and it wouldn't be a normal answer if I didn't tell you what he tells every-bloody-one: I am (a mere) 6 days older than he.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Mine, for sure. For one, my family is always around. Second, his brothers are like non-existent in everyone's life.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
If you ask him, it's when we are together. Bwahahahahahahaha. He's a funny guy, isn't it? If you ask me, I would say his uncle's death a few years ago.

Did you go to the same school?
Nope. We only went to the same high school for one semester.

Are you from the same home town?
No. He grew up in Cedar Hill, Texas and I grew up in Fort Worth, Texas.

Who is smarter?
He is definitely smarter at analyzing things, at numbers, at investments. I am good at psycho-analyzing things, great with words, and lovely when it comes to being caring and giving. Does that make me smart?

Who is the most sensitive?
Me, for sure. To a fault sometimes.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?

Hmmm, probably Sushi Sam's or pizza.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Playa del carmen, mexico

Who has the craziest exes? 

I would have to say him. Especially considering he had an ex that knew where were lived, as in-had driven by our house and could describe everything about it but hadn't talked to him in several years. Hellloooo, spooky. Most of my ex's disappeared into thin air.

Who has the worst temper?
Oh, I'm pretty sure we are on even ground on this one. I get it out right away, yelling stomping, and throwing shit (occasionally). He keeps it all in, until he explodes. We feed off of one another's anger.

Who does the cooking?
That would be me. He will cook breakfast occasionally, but other than that...

Who is the neat-freak?
I have my interesting little quirks about things being clean, but by far, he is the one with the OCD. He gets pissy about the labels of cans facing the same in the pantry; his shirts facing the same way in the closet, color-coded; and OMG HE gets down-right persnickety about how to load our dishwasher. Also? You must clean each dish, cup, and spoon prior to putting it in the dishwasher.

Who is more stubborn?
Him. He will not give in on anything, even when it is blatantly obvious that he is wrong. I, on the other hand, stand my ground on things that are important to me, but cave on other things. I hate confrontation.

Who hogs the bed?

We stay to our own sides. He hogs the comforter, I hog the sheet. In this, we are pretty compatible.

Who wakes up earlier?
Him.

Where was your first date?

Hell of I know!

Who is more jealous?
Depends on the situation. I would say, overall, I am more jealous, but it comes from my own feelings of inadequacy (told you I psycho-analyze everything).


How long did it take to get serious?

Not long at all. We dated for a couple of months, and by spring he was at my apartment pretty much every night.

Who eats more?

I eat more throughout the day; he eats one, maybe two meals a day. But during those meals he does eat, he definitely surpasses me.

Who does the laundry?
Me. The few times he has done the laundry, he has shrunk the shit out of some of my clothes, and that is his "reasoning" behind no longer doing laundry. Whatever.

Who’s better with the computer?

Me.

Who drives when you are together?
Him, for several reasons. 1. He always has to be in control 2. He thinks I'm a bad driver 3. He says my Jeep is a sardine can, and he gets all claustrophobic in it.

Go right ahead and psycho-analyze that.
Then be sure and do this little meme-thingy yourself.

Friday-Filler: A few of my favorite things

Awhile back I asked for advice on various beauty things, and someone mentioned the fact that maybe I should suggest my favorites. So, here goes (Alan, you might as well not waste your time on this post; it's all girly! Sorry!) :

First, this is my new favorite face thingy. It works great! Also? It blends well, and whatever powder or bronzer I put on top of it stays ALL DAY. It smells good too.

Next: Bare Minerals All over Face color. This stuff has a bit of a sparkle/shimmer to it, but it really does add some color to my face. A little goes a long way, especially since you can mix it in with whatever other powder or bronzer you use.

Next: Mosaic Bronzer from Victoria Secret. I love that I can sorta focus on the darker colors if I want, or just twirl my brush on the entire thing and get a good mix.

The Sephora Brand Lip Gloss pencil is sweet! It really is lip gloss-it goes on smooth and is a perfect fit in the pocket of your jeans. Cheap too.

I've always loved Bath & Body Works' scents, but this is my absolute favorite now! CO Bigelow Lemon Body Cream smells wonderful! It's so soft. They have body wash too.

To go along with the cream, they have a Sugar Body Scrub. It really works on my elbows and knees, and I seriously want to eat it. They have it in teeny travel size containers too, if you want to try it before you commit to the bigger jar.

I tried this perfume for the first time at the airport in Mexico. I asked my brother to buy it for me for Christmas, and he did. But, now he calls me Moon Sparkle, because he says it sounds like a stripper's name. Sighhhh.

As for mascara, I still haven't bought a new one. I just think it all depends on the brush, not the actual mascara, but I haven't figured out which brush works better for me.

Jeans:

I bought these first. They are Levi's, they are cheap, and they are comfy. My only beef is that they are a bit long for me (HELLLLOOOOO, short stuff!) and also? They still give me saggy-ass-syndrome, but not as bad as my other pairs.

Next, I bought these, thinking they were the 7 for All Mankind brand. Nope. They are Seven Brand (why the f- do they do that?? Just to confuse us? Come ON!). But again, they are super-cheap, and they feel good! Also, they make my butt look good. And they don't SAG!!! Go find these at Kohl's, JC Penney, Burlington Coat Factory, or wherever.

Then, I found the actual brand I was looking for: 7 for All Mankind. I found these at Anthropologie (omg, drooooool) and they were P-R-I-C-E-Y but I had a gift card for my birthday, and I got 15% off for my birthday too, so I figured, what the hell? They are soooo comfortable, they don't sag AT ALL, and they look great. Mine are the petites, and I didn't have to get them tailored; they are perfect. They are super dark denim, so beware if you get the same color: when I took them off that first time, my legs were blue. And my ass. And my panties. Yeah. Great. So, note to self: wash them separately unless you want everything to be blue.


Anyone have any new favorites they would like to share?

Where I bitch like a 90 year old woman-Take 2

I swear, I have just turned 31 and my body is pissing me off. I've had some female issues (let's just leave it at that for those of you who don't already know) that have been a real pain in the who-ha.
Now I have an appt. with my doctor on Friday morning because I am having sharp, constant pain just at my sternum, through to my back, after I eat. It lasts for awhile, and feels like I am full in the wrong place after a big meal, and it's to the point that I feel like I'm getting heartburn. I try to get away from it-I try sitting up straighter, pushing my chest out, breathing deeply...Of course, I brush it off as gas, eating too much, blah, blah blah.
It's been going on a for a few weeks, but I can't really pinpoint when it began. Why? Because I have had so many stupid things wrong with my body since puberty hit, and I hate to think that my mother and husband think I'm a whiner or a hypochondriac.
Why? Because I had heart problems as a tween, and my mother didn't take it serious; she thought I was being dramatic. I ended up needing heart surgery.
I was born with a slight case of scoliosis, and have back pain over the most random things.
I was rear-ended by a drunk driver about 4 and half years ago (don't get me started) and went to the chiropractor to be on the safe side. Guess what? All that complaining about my neck always hurting had nothing to do with my shitty office chair and everything to do with the beginning stages of arthritis in the neck.
I hate pain-I complain about getting a TB test for cripe's sake-so my husband just sorta looks through me when I complain about something on my body hurting.
So, when did this start? *shrugs shoulders*
So, I was telling my friend about it the other day, because I know she will listen, and I know she will think of things I hadn't thought of, and....
she thinks it's my gallbladder/gallstones. She described trying to get away from the pain too. And she had her gallbladder out last summer.
Mother f-er.
So, off to the doctor I go tomorrow.
Wish me luck. Ridiculous.
What am I??? A 90 year old woman???

Where I bitch like a 90 year old woman

My girl loves to go to a local pizza buffet because of the little game room. We spend $4 in quarters to get her little miniature figurines (aliens, cows, turtles) and little plastic things full of cavity-inducing candy. Usually, the pizza is great. But, I am pretty sure we have officially crossed this place off of our list after our last experience.

Not only was the buffet full of spongy, several-hour-old pizza, but the salad bar was downright scary, and the ice machine was empty. And we were not there towards the end of the evening, when you would expect it to be like this. The place was pretty packed, and the pizza sucked!! (I can't get past that part, can you tell?)

But what really got us was the fact that there was not one single adult working. They were all teens. And I know I sound like a 90 year old crab-ass woman when I say this, but Why the hell are there no adults running this place??

They were all talking, laughing, having a grand old time (90 year old crab-ass again) ignoring the patrons (crab-ass) and their job duties (crab-ass). I didn't say anything at first, because I didn't want my husband to think I was complaining (like a 90 year old crab-ass), but he said something first.

"Does your pizza taste old?"

Then he noticed that two of the employees, both male, had long, fuzzy, gross hair and that neither of them were wearing hairnets. One looked like he had a damn chia pet for a ponytail and the other one had the greasiest hair all in his face. Ick.

No hairnets. Ick. (crab-ass)

We both looked at each other and said "We aren't coming back".

As we were leaving, one of the employees yelled to another "No, she's in the back tripping again". Like, tripping-acid tripping?! (crab-ass) I didn't stay to ask.

Goodbye, pizza place!

Family

I have family on my mother's side of the family that I have absolutely no contact with. I have two cousins I have never even met. I don't even know their names, their ages, what they look like. I have three cousins that I played with as a small child in New York; we all slept at our grandmother's house, played in her garden. I have pictures of me, maybe 5, holding two female cousins, both babies. The cousin I probably played the most with is now deceased. He passed away last May, right before I went on vacation. He had been fighting cancer; he was only a couple of years younger than me. He had two babies when he passed away. The only reason I know any of this is because I sought them out on myspace, and through Google.
The last time I saw him was more than 10 years ago. I was 19 at the time. He came down to Texas with his family because our grandmother was very sick, and in the hospital. I don't remember any of our conversation; I just remember looking at him and realizing that he wasn't the little boy I remembered. Now he's gone.
Both of those baby girls I held? One is married now, and supposedly pregnant. The other is engaged.
I have three older cousins who I have very little contact with. The last time I saw them was when I was barely 15 at the oldest's wedding. 16 damn years ago. They all have kids now, and I only know them through pictures.

For some of you, this may not be a big deal. It may be normal to you to have distant relationships with relatives, or no relationship. But for me, it's not right. I remember being little, running around my grandmother's garden with one cousin, playing on the floor of the living room with the babies. I guess I just took it for granted that these blood relatives would always be in my life.

When my grandmother was in the hospital the 1st of her last 2 times, they all came. All 4 of my uncles, their children (minus 2 cousins and 2 unborn ones). We hadn't seen each other for years, and rather than talk and catch up, we were all bound by the anger of our parents. My uncles ranted and raved. My aunts cussed at my mother. I remember hearing someone call my baby sister, then barely 2, a 'bastard child' and 'a shame'. I remember my mother's tears. And I surely remember my own disgust at these men, these family members who I had adored when I was little. Who were these people, now? What right did they have to waltz back into our lives and demand answers for our actions all these years? What right did they have to question the time and effort and love we put into caring for my grandmother? Where were they when my grandmother spent hours on the toilet bowl, calling out to my mother? Where were they when we were lifting her in and out of the bathtub, washing her hair, bruising her thin skin by cleaning her with a washcloth? Where were they when she was in a coma in the hospital, when my mother sat vigil by her side, 18 hours at a time? Where were they when we were turning her comatose body to prevent the bedsores (that turned out to be the cancer eating through her body)?

One of my uncles didn't even show up for my grandmother's funeral. Everyone sat in stony silence in the funeral home, facing the casket. No one comforted my mother, besides my father, myself, and my brother. Her own f-ing brothers. They all left immediately after the funeral, but not before they demanded a copy of the will, a chance to rummage through my grandmother's things, and definitely not before they asked for 'their portion' of my grandmother's money.
(Might I mention here that my grandmother had cancer for years, and during those times she went on cruises, went on trips across the US to visit all of her children & grandchildren, and eventually needed hospice to keep her comfortable in her home??)

Surely, after 11 years of my grandmother being deceased, the anger had died down. Surely, my uncles are no longer wondering what happened to the money. Surely, they did not spend the last 11 years putting a bad taste in my cousins' mouths when it came to us. Surely.

But it would appear so. I have a cousin who un-friended me on Myspace; another who doesn't respond to my emails. I didn't even know one had moved from California to Texas, a few hours from me. Weddings, babies, etc......I have no sense of extended family.

I am not looking for pity. I do not fall short in the family category: I have friends whom I consider family, I have my father's side of the family, I have my brother and sister.

But, after all these years, I was surprised to wake up this morning angry, after a dream about all of these people. I am still livid about it at 10:45 at night. Livid that they have deserted my mother. Livid that they wanted nothing to do with my beautiful blessing of a sister. Sad that they know nothing of my brother, my daughter, my marriage, me.

One uncle has fixed his relationship with my mother. He was never angry; he just went along with the others. He has tried to get his brothers to talk to my mom, but they refuse. I can't help but ask myself "Did that really happen?" I can't help but feel that maybe the childhood past I had with these people never existed.

All day I have been thinking, aren't they ashamed at their behavior? Would they allow their own children to be this way to their siblings? Don't they feel any guilt when they think of their deceased parents, my grandparents? Hasn't their anger faded? Will they really leave my mother to grow old by herself, alone, without her siblings. Statistics show that we live longest with our siblings than anyone else-longer than our spouses, often.

Will they come to her funeral?

I cannot spend my life being angry at them, for I would be as irrational as them. I cannot waste my love or energy on them, for I will be as brittle and hateful as them. I can only hope to have a bit of a relationship with a couple of my cousins, the ones who respond to my attempts. I can only ensure that my children do not do this, that my brother, sister, and I do not do this to one another.

If you have family that you haven't talked to, for no other reason than that you have been busy, I urge you to take the time-send an email, a postcard, a myspace or facebook comment, SOMETHING. Don't waste this short life we have. It's maddening to me that we all waste so much of our short lives (myself included, to be sure!).

Filler Friday (Can I honestly call it 'filler' when I haven't been blogging on a regular basis?!)

I listen to all different kinds of music: country, alternative, rock, classic rock, swing music, coffee house/easy listening stuff, rap, and hip/hop. Yes, rap and hip/hop. I'm sure that makes several of you cringe.
So, in my jeep, I listen to satellite radio sometimes. I love the variety. I can listen to Frank Sinatra if I want to, or NPR, CNN, or classic rock. I stumbled on this station, and now I listen every day, when I can.
I used to spend my afternoons listening to Russ Martin. Again, that might make some of you cringe. He's a jackass, but omg, he made me laugh. Sometimes I wanted to throttle him, but most of the time I didn't take anything to heart that he spoke about. So I am pretty sure that is why I am addicted to Shady 45's afternoon show, The All Out Show. I full-out laugh at some of the things Rude Jude says. He does not put any icing on the cake, let's just put it that way. He is crude, rude, but also brutally honest, and pretty fair about his statements.
That being said, I must admit that I am all 'Swooooon' over Rude Jude's voice. I can't even explain. Just listen to the beginning of the link....he's the one dropping all the f-bombs at the beginning. (I know, I know) It's all raspy and sexy and stuff....

So, how do I make a smooth transition from that to the following? Aw, hell, who knows.

Voices that make me all Swoooooooon (sound clips attached, just to prove to you what a f-ing nutcake I am):

Sir Mix A Lot
Ludacris
Common
John Legend
Josh Turner
Just this song by Dwight Yoakam & Sheryl Crow
LL Cool J
this song by Johnny Cash
this song by Social D
probably my biggest swoon: everything by Blue October

Swooooon.

Whose voice makes you swoon? It doesn't have to be a musician, that's just what I'm drawn to. Tell me. Join my nutcake party.

Monday

I have joyful things to blog about-things coming up in my life, strong people I have discovered, an interesting website I have found....but today I am posting about something different.

I posted recently about my friend, how she is going through something wonderful, that will end in devastation (in my mind). I am so very sad to know that, while she is beautifully pregnant, her baby will not survive.

Somehow, over the past several months, prior to finding out about my friend's baby, I had stumbled upon several other blogs that archived the intense pain that comes with losing a baby. The pages sucked me in, and I would look up at the clock, realizing I had spent 2 hours reading these words, feeling this pain. I couldn't figure out why I was reading this stuff; what was making me go back for more updates? Then I found out about my friend's baby boy. And now, I think about her and her family every day, how someday I will be reading her baby's birth story, and well-aware that I will be hundreds of miles away when this little blessing is born.

Someone has come up with a wonderful idea, and I wanted to share it with you. Lara at Overstuffed with Laughter has set up a PayPal account to donate to Misty and her family. They need to budget for a burial for baby Isaac. If you can help, even just a few dollars, I know it would be graciously appreciated. I know it will not fix things, but it will ease the anxiety and pain during this time.

I am attaching the link to the button on the right side of my blog ------>.

(And so you know, my friend did not ask me to post about this; I am doing this on my own).